Famboozled said:

I love your thinking!

Famboozled said:

I have exactly the same thing down to every last word.

Basically in a good relationship you don't mind being around eachother, love fucking (eachother) and don't piss eachother off too much when one's having a bad day. In between the eating, sleeping and fucking you might have a nice conversation about something trivial. Et voila, they live happily everafter. Case closed.

As someone who's fucked up more relationships than Erica Kane, here's my dossier...

1) Similar Goals--If your lives are going in two opposite directions, it AINT gonna work. Git the fuck out NOW!

2) Similar Religion--I reject my Protestant upbringing and would never date a fundamentalist Christian. Religion is important because what if--God forbid--you have KIDS with this person? What religion would you raise them? A couple HAS to agree on this!

3)Attraction--Men and Women fuck this up. If you aren't attracted physically to your partner but are still with him or her....I feel no sympathy for you when it blows up in your codependant face two years later.

4)Personality Complement--What if you love the person...but their personality is too dominnering, controlling or just plain irritating for you? Ain't gonna work. Your personalities MUST complement each other.

5)Interests--Look, if you don't like doing similar things, you ain't gotta future. Simple as that. And liking the same fucking TV shows DOESN'T count!!!!

6) Family--Every girl I dated until 98 had a psychotic family. Fact is, if her family is psycho, I won't date her now. Harsh? Not really. Can you really spend the rest of your life with someone who's family will drive you nuts?

7)Sexual Chemistry--All men suck in bed. And the ones who don't have done one of three things: Got a Maxim subscription, had an ex who educated them on what to do, or read The Sensuous Man by M (I belong to the last group, but I recently found out that an ex used to fake her orgasms with me, so the book's not foolproof). But the fact is, if your partner doesnt satisfy you FULLY in bed...and is UNWILLING to do the sick, unnatural acts that you WANT them to do...leave. You'll just end up cheating.

8)Communication--I saved the most important for last. If you can't communicate openly and honestly about important shit...you ain't gotta chance! And this doesn't mean asking stupid questions about what your partner fantasizes about when they masturbate (I made that mistake once...and I REALLY was sorry I asked!). But be ready to discuss heavy issues as they arise.

VinaBlue said:

True that Vina, along with Trust, an Open Mind & Unconditional Love. Without those beautiful qualities, there is nothing....

PanthaGirl said:

Unconditional love cannot exist in romantic love. Read "The Four Loves" by CS Lewis.

Case said:

Not necessarily.



Sex has not only to do with skills, experience or knowledge, but also compatibility. Not to mention that a cheating partner has to do with a lot more things than just not getting sexual satisfaction.



Discussing stuff is only half of the problem. You also need to be able to compromise. You can discuss all you want, but if you don't get to agree on anything you're still fucked.

Case said:

Nothing is impossible Case, I'm witness 2 unconditional love & live n' breathe it day in and out. No offense darls but my belief lies within myself, rather then some book or other being.....
[This message was edited Wed Aug 4 21:30:59 2004 by PanthaGirl]

axestream said:

Communication involves both discussion AND compromise. I agree, I should've pointed that out. The compromise must feel natural and should not leave one partner feeling spited or upset.

PanthaGirl said:

If it works for you, Pantha, great. I'm too nihilistic in love for my own good sometimes. I'm on a 'fuck love' kick as of late. Everyone I know--myself included--makes the stupidest mistakes in relationships.

Case said:

I agree 2 each his own Case. I've been through my diff stages of relationships and feelings within 2, we continue to grow and evolve, sometimes choices & mistakes are made for the right reasons others the wrong. Life is a brilliant lesson indeed. I always say, do what makes U happy, and what feels right & makes sense 2 U. Strive 4 happiness always & smile....Show the World how much U truly do shine.....

Good sex
Honest conversation
Real true love and respect for each other
Patience and understanding

It's a simple plan ... just took me a long time to realize that.

The secret so far for me has been, unconditional love, understanding, empathy (never sympthy, the ability to take a look from someone elses perspective is a must...) Understanding, communication, undivided attention, admiration, attraction desire and lust (the good lust )

Thats my ingredients to a beautiful growing and healthy relationship....dont u say Chris?

Never have a Healthy Relationship.. Guys get Crazy and Posessive and Violent and Domineeringly Obsessive. I Can't Take the Insecurity. I become their Obsession and Then it's like I'm Attacked when I Don't Conform ... Men just are Too Crazy Jealous when I'm with them..

DarkWalker said:

U know it....

Don't sweat the small stuff!!! Live in that moment you have together and enjoy!

VinaBlue said:

I have many healthy relationships in my life

w/ my parents and siblings
w/ my friends
w/ my husannd
w/ my children

its easy ...

unconditional love and acceptance

PanthaGirl said:

He even says the right things.... dammit man you are killing me here... ! I can see her swooning right now.....

Zelaira said:

Ummmm....you women do all that shit too.

teller said:

HELL TO THE YEAH!!!!

Don't stop doin what you did to catch em. Constantly date each other.

Case said:

Women do it way more than men. I'm obsessive too but I just decide to stay completely away then. It's not the guy's fault I'm crazy.

I think jealousy is a real no no, a tiny amount may be ok but I basicly believe its one of the most destructive things,also competitive arguing where knowone is wrong. I also think you cant generalise that all men or all women do certain negative things such as being Posessive and Violent and Domineeringly Obsessive etc because many dont, its just sometimes we get unlucky and get with the wrong dude.

VinaBlue said:

Having no expectations. Being honest. Communication. Compromise & understanding. Hot sex =

Here's my Thing.. I think there has got to be Honesty about the Relationship or Affair and well No Pushing and No Expectations just Alot of Love and Good Sex... No Crazy Scenes or Tantrums of Jealousy. Enjoy the Times you are Together Always and just Enjoy Each Other and hold it Dear... Make Love ..Not War....Communicate...

definitely complimentary personality types
similar/same goals in life - and making sure your partner knows what yours are! (ie. whether you want to have kids or not, where you want to live etc),
appreciation of what each other has to offer,
acceptance of the things about them you can't change,
willingness to change to improve (hard for me as I'm very stubborn, but has paid off)
respect each other's opinions - ask what they think because most often you can come to a much better solution to a problem together.
tell them you love them,
tell them how attracted you are to them still even after 10 years
show interest in their projects even if they are not hobbies of your own
money - similar attitude to saving/spending
your partners family - accept them, make friends with them, show your appreciation for them
lots of laughter, physical affection, as much sex as you can manage
don't argue over petty stuff
apologise when necessary, admit you were wrong

tons of other stuff too. sounds like hard work, but the benefits are enormous.

Zelaira said:

You need to find a different kind of guy. Change the template. Have higher expectations for yourself. Visualize how you would love to be treated and believe that it's possible.