Julie, I tip my hat to you letting it all out as you did - that was very brave I'm now going to take a leaf out of your book and follow your example...

lately I've been REALLY up and down in my emotions (that's got a lot to do with medication I should be on and am not, for now, tho) and I've been doing a lot of thinking about friends, family etc - who's really there WITH me (not just FOR me - there's a difference) and such things...I'm sooooo lucky to have some of the people in my life that I do, and some of them have been brought to me by my Mum, I know in my heart

some friends, tho (and a small few family members) really treat me like shit, tho, and totally take advantage of my nature. They think I'll always be there and I'll always bow down - they're wrong I'm slowly learning who I've REALLY got close to me and that's a good thing - I've been through a lot of stuff in my life (but no more than the average person, having said that - we've all been through our own hard times) but I'm discovering I deserve respect from the one's who don't and I'm also learning that I need to like myself more and be more positive and strong in order to attract positive people and strength into my life...I slowly am (Chrissie you've been a huge example of that ) but I still need to work on it - once again, tho, there are times when we all look in the mirror and think "wtf" sometimes, I reckon

there's also someone (and you know who you are) that has really been eating away at me and I want you to know I'm not giving you the satisfaction of worrying about it any more...you know the deal, you know that nothing's changed - except that I no longer respect you. I'll no longer be upset about it, worry about it or even think about it because it seems you're not worth it, which is really a shame because I SO thought you were a better person than that ...

This has all translated into me gaining a fair bit of weight back on that I'd worked very, very, very hard to lose and that's compounded my worrying. As of today I'm trying to be determined again to eat healthy and start exercising (something I was NEVER big on I'll admit it) which will also help my saving to go overseas - something that is also really on my mind worrying me right now. I've been saving still, but not nearly as much as I should be (only a fraction of it really ) I'm going across the US and then to the UK for 2 years and that's something I've wanted to do since I was a little girl - I'm very very determined, but in the last few months I lost a bit of that I guess and consequently I'm now putting my trip back farther and farther I was originally going in 3 months time but now I'm realistically not going to get there until probably 9 months away. I really miss my friends in the south of England and am just HANGING to see them (and also ellie and Toni ) so I've really gotta get my butt into gear

TODAY'S A NEW DAY FOR ME - what it will bring is TOTALLY up to me and it's about time I retook the reigns...

thanks for listening

You GO Natisse!

We all go through these times in our lives when everything seems to be crashing down around us...but, if we're determined we can always get back up and be better than before
Sounds like you're doing great!

applekisses said:

thanks applekisses yep, determination can do wonders

I can relate to every damn word you are saying sweets.

You go girl! Im here if you need me.....

For you darling....

I Can See Clearly Now
Johnny Nash

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

I think I can make it now, the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I’ve been prayin?for
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

Look all around, there’s nothin?but blue skies
Look straight ahead, nothin?but blue skies

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Here is the rainbow I’ve been prayin?for
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

Sweeny79 said:

johnny cash wrote that song?

Sweeny79 said:

OMG sweeny I was thinking of that song this morning!! thank you

Sinister said:

I know you are thank you...make sure you check your email tomorrow for your big day!!!!!

sosgemini said:

Johnny Nash

Natisse said:

no problem sweetie! That is YOUR song ... mine too sometimes

All will be well my friend, have faith in that, just make sure you take some time to take care of yourself once in a while, instead of fretting over everyone else.

Sweeny79 said:

you nailed it on the head I do that way too much and lose sight of myself, sometimes...not a good thing to do

thanks for the encouragement

Natisse said:

I know that's how you are... I'm the same way.

Sweeny79 said:

gets you trodden on sometimes, huh? we live and learn

Natisse said:

YES IT DOES... and yes we do

Natisse

bkw said:

awww you're a sweetie back atcha

You know I think you're wonderful Nat!

althom said:

as I do you thank you

Tisse my baby girl. U r so very strong Darls and through your battles of life just know U r not alone, and will never have to see this alone. One day U will discover that real love is millions of miles past falling in love with anyone or anything, as I've learned with time. When you make that one effort to feel compassion instead of blame or self-blame, the heart opens again and continues opening. Your true identity is to love without any kind of fear and insecurity within U or overshadowing U. The true power of love and compassion will transform your insecurity, it will be kissed away, and through all of that fog there will be your friends waiting for U, supporting U, helping U and always loving U.....

PanthaGirl said:

Damn!!!!! Why couldn't I have said that?

PanthaGirl said:

Chrissie this is one reason I love you...your words are inspiring and so true

there has definately been a heavy fog in a lot of areas - but it's showing signs of lifting and I know you're one of the friendly faces that is there with me on the other side of it

thank you for being a wonderful friend and for being the special, beautiful person you are

....don't ever forget that friendship is a two way street, tho - those friends are there for you, too, gorgeous girl

See!!!! I knew I should have said something like that.

Natisse , I Understand and am HERE for You. Exercising is my Big Thing. I'm a Fitness Freak. I walk like 8 miles a day and do weights also. I Feel Unhappy ALOT and it's Like I Just wanna Do NOTHING. But Somebody HURT Me and well They Know Who They Are you are Right. Caused me To Almost Die a Few Times ALREADY. But GREED in PEOPLE sometimes Takes Over ya Know. Peace Natisse...I Realize PEOPLE SOMETIMES SUCK and LIFE"S a BITCH and Then You DIE!

althom said:

awwwww

Zelaira said:

Natisse said:

Natisse said:

Always N' Forever Baby Girl. Love U....

Amen!


To quote a good friend.... at one point we went over my mindset at that time and he said.... Karen you can't get there from here.... I came to some realizations that I would have to make some mind changes before I could begin the life changes....



This "place" you are at right now Nattise?

You can get there from here!

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