New topic
PrintableMsMisha319 said: Yes
How are you?? Smooches;) 
Seen better days, I suppose... It's very nice to see you around! I hope things are well with you, besides the relationship issues that you're dealing with.  | |
- E-mail - orgNote -  Report post to moderator |
sag10 said: AzureStarr said: Thank you, Sag... you've really been there with a listening ear and shoulder during the last years of my marriage. Hey... did I share that poem with you that I wrote about five years ago? Is that what that line is referring to? That's the problem... I don't know how to search my soul... this you should know by now!  I love you Azure, if you need me I am right here. And yes, it was from that poem. I love you, too, Sag... you know I think the world of you. I can't thank you enough for being there for me through all of these years...
(Thought so... on the poem thing) | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Hi Azzie...been out of the loop for awhile, but I will say that even when you're 100% certain that you want a divorce, it's normal for it to be very painful to finally execute. That isn't anything that should change your mind. Personally, I cannot forgive the abuse...you cannot get those years back.
 Fear is the mind-killer. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Good to see you to It's good to be back.
Hey, try not to worry too much about things. I keep telling myself that God would never give me more than I could handle, you know? I have a 16 month old son, but the father and I broke up...very badly...a few months back. It sucks, but what can you do besides move on with your life? The best thing to have right now is good friends. Talking...or typing about it really helps to get things off your chest
Good luck to you Smooches;) | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
kendogg said: Man there is a lot of divorces happening here....
Been close a few times myself over the years, but I always compromise... I do it for my kids... they need dad there everyday and it is my responsibility to them..... What if it isn't really healthy for your kids though? You know, a couple of the "regulars" at the club that I used to bartend at, would tell me that they were unhappily married, but both stay in it for the kids. Now, who knows what their marriages are like... but, that all of their friends are unhappily married and sometimes you just need to go with the flow. Is that what it's supposed to be like? I mean... are relationships, whether you're married or not, are they not supposed to be fulfilling on some level... or is it just more of a "go with the flow" thing after a certain amount of time being with one another? Perhaps I'm just looking for something that I can never attain. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
teller said: Hi Azzie...been out of the loop for awhile, but I will say that even when you're 100% certain that you want a divorce, it's normal for it to be very painful to finally execute. That isn't anything that should change your mind. Personally, I cannot forgive the abuse...you cannot get those years back.
Hey, Teller... I can forgive those years of abuse, but I won't forget them. I can't blame him, because, had I been strong enough, I would have left years ago. Unfortunately, I was too weak. So, it's partially all my fault... or all of my fault, whichever... maybe I'm just scared to be out "here". It is reassuring to know that the feelings are normal. I just wish I knew what normal was. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
| Moderator
|
teller said: Hi Azzie...been out of the loop for awhile, but I will say that even when you're 100% certain that you want a divorce, it's normal for it to be very painful to finally execute. That isn't anything that should change your mind. Personally, I cannot forgive the abuse...you cannot get those years back.
Once an abuser, always an abuser. A policeman in the Domestic Violence area told me that if I go back things will be great for a day, a week or a month. But it WILL go back to what it was and so the cycle of violence continues. When things seem to be going great it is what is called the "honeymoon" period. Eventually he or she will be their old selves again. Abusers were once themselves abused. They grew up in that environment and know no different - to them their environment is "normal". He told me that if I go back that my husband would make life a living hell and that for leaving him that I would get one hell of a beating and that either I will be dead, my kids orphans, and their daddy in jail. 
Ohh purple joy oh purple bliss oh purple rapture! REAL MUSIC by REAL MUSICIANS - Prince "I kind of wish there was a reason for Prince to make the site crash more" ~~ Ben |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
moderator
MsMisha319 said: Good to see you to
It's good to be back.
Hey, try not to worry too much about things. I keep telling myself that God would never give me more than I could handle, you know? I have a 16 month old son, but the father and I broke up...very badly...a few months back. It sucks, but what can you do besides move on with your life? The best thing to have right now is good friends. Talking...or typing about it really helps to get things off your chest
Good luck to you Smooches;) Congratulations on your baby!
Sorry about the father and yourself breaking up... it does suck. You're right... I've had that instilled into my head since I can remember... God will never give you more than you can handle... and, as my grandma likes to tell me and everyone: "Heather will make due". I used to scream inside every time I heard that. lol... but, I suppose it's very true. Yes, talking and/or typing helps a lot... 'tis good to vent.
Best of luck to you, as well... | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
luv4u said: teller said: Hi Azzie...been out of the loop for awhile, but I will say that even when you're 100% certain that you want a divorce, it's normal for it to be very painful to finally execute. That isn't anything that should change your mind. Personally, I cannot forgive the abuse...you cannot get those years back.
Once an abuser, always an abuser. A policeman in the Domestic Violence area told me that if I go back things will be great for a day, a week or a month. But it WILL go back to what it was and so the cycle of violence continues. When things seem to be going great it is what is called the "honeymoon" period. Eventually he or she will be their old selves again. Abusers were once themselves abused. They grew up in that environment and know no different - to them their environment is "normal". He told me that if I go back that my husband would make life a living hell and that for leaving him that I would get one hell of a beating and that either I will be dead, my kids orphans, and their daddy in jail. I can't agree with "once an abuser, always an abuser", simply because my father was an abuser, and since my mom left him he's not harmed a hair on anyones body. He re-married after their divorce and never abused her or her child. I think that many times that can be true, but I don't believe it is true of everyone. I do feel that people can and do change. Or, perhaps it means that within that relationship it will always be. Now... This is a man that would take an axe and chase my mother and myself around the house trying to kill us, upon our leaving, he would happily chop up everything we owned and then proceed to put it in the front yard and call everyone we knew to tell them that they better hide us good because he was going to kill us. This is a man that would throw us out of cars for the smallest of comments. This is a man that would beat her until she couldn't speak, while I watched, then come after me. This is a man that would shoot at us with his rifle. Luckily, my mother always got us out of there before he'd hit us with the axe or the gun... unfortunately, she wasn't always so lucky when he had it in his mind to use his hands. Once she finally left him and he got off of the alcohol, and I would say drugs, but at that time, during the abuse, he was only using marijuana... he was fine. After she left, he dabbled in Cocaine and alcohol, but never abused anyone... well, the police. Funny thing though... when she'd call the cops, it was "domestic dispute" and couldn't take him in... when he'd fuck with them... arrested. Anyway... my point being... my father could be a monster when drinking. Extremely abusive. Yet, he is no longer that person. But, again... I am very happy that you got out of that relationship. You're a very strong woman to do that. Too often, women stay in them for far too long. My mom lived with it for thirteen years before she'd had enough. I admire you for the strength to leave. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect, it means you've decided to look beyond the imperfections... unknown | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
luv4u said: teller said: Hi Azzie...been out of the loop for awhile, but I will say that even when you're 100% certain that you want a divorce, it's normal for it to be very painful to finally execute. That isn't anything that should change your mind. Personally, I cannot forgive the abuse...you cannot get those years back.
Once an abuser, always an abuser. A policeman in the Domestic Violence area told me that if I go back things will be great for a day, a week or a month. But it WILL go back to what it was and so the cycle of violence continues. When things seem to be going great it is what is called the "honeymoon" period. Eventually he or she will be their old selves again. Abusers were once themselves abused. They grew up in that environment and know no different - to them their environment is "normal". He told me that if I go back that my husband would make life a living hell and that for leaving him that I would get one hell of a beating and that either I will be dead, my kids orphans, and their daddy in jail. Yes, that's very true. Have you ever seen that movie "The Burning Bed"? Farah Fawcett's character kept going back to her husband becasue he kept saying he was sorry and that things would get better. They only stayed better for a little while. And the beatings got worse. I remember when I was 8, my mother was in an abusive relationship with my sisters dad, and I witnessed a lot of the abuse...never understanding why she kept going back  The "Honeymon" period never lasted that long
Be proud that you had the courage to leave 
Smooches;) | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
sag10 said: How horrible. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
MsMisha319 said: luv4u said: Once an abuser, always an abuser. A policeman in the Domestic Violence area told me that if I go back things will be great for a day, a week or a month. But it WILL go back to what it was and so the cycle of violence continues. When things seem to be going great it is what is called the "honeymoon" period. Eventually he or she will be their old selves again. Abusers were once themselves abused. They grew up in that environment and know no different - to them their environment is "normal". He told me that if I go back that my husband would make life a living hell and that for leaving him that I would get one hell of a beating and that either I will be dead, my kids orphans, and their daddy in jail. Yes, that's very true. Have you ever seen that movie "The Burning Bed"? Farah Fawcett's character kept going back to her husband becasue he kept saying he was sorry and that things would get better. They only stayed better for a little while. And the beatings got worse. I remember when I was 8, my mother was in an abusive relationship with my sisters dad, and I witnessed a lot of the abuse...never understanding why she kept going back The "Honeymon" period never lasted that long
Be proud that you had the courage to leave
Smooches;) Did your mother finally leave him? | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
| Moderator
|
MsMisha319 said: luv4u said: Once an abuser, always an abuser. A policeman in the Domestic Violence area told me that if I go back things will be great for a day, a week or a month. But it WILL go back to what it was and so the cycle of violence continues. When things seem to be going great it is what is called the "honeymoon" period. Eventually he or she will be their old selves again. Abusers were once themselves abused. They grew up in that environment and know no different - to them their environment is "normal". He told me that if I go back that my husband would make life a living hell and that for leaving him that I would get one hell of a beating and that either I will be dead, my kids orphans, and their daddy in jail. Yes, that's very true. Have you ever seen that movie "The Burning Bed"? Farah Fawcett's character kept going back to her husband becasue he kept saying he was sorry and that things would get better. They only stayed better for a little while. And the beatings got worse. I remember when I was 8, my mother was in an abusive relationship with my sisters dad, and I witnessed a lot of the abuse...never understanding why she kept going back The "Honeymon" period never lasted that long
Be proud that you had the courage to leave
Smooches;) The burning bed and that other movie with Julia Roberts that was really earie.
Ohh purple joy oh purple bliss oh purple rapture! REAL MUSIC by REAL MUSICIANS - Prince "I kind of wish there was a reason for Prince to make the site crash more" ~~ Ben |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
luv4u said: MsMisha319 said: Yes, that's very true. Have you ever seen that movie "The Burning Bed"? Farah Fawcett's character kept going back to her husband becasue he kept saying he was sorry and that things would get better. They only stayed better for a little while. And the beatings got worse. I remember when I was 8, my mother was in an abusive relationship with my sisters dad, and I witnessed a lot of the abuse...never understanding why she kept going back The "Honeymon" period never lasted that long
Be proud that you had the courage to leave
Smooches;) The burning bed and that other movie with Julia Roberts that was really earie. Truly! Also the the one with Jennifer Lopez... ^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect, it means you've decided to look beyond the imperfections... unknown | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Yes, she left after my sister was born. Mind you, a lot of the beatings she endured was during her pregnancy
The other movie, with Julia Roberts was called "Sleeping with the enemy". Smooches;) | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
MsMisha319 said: Yes, she left after my sister was born. Mind you, a lot of the beatings she endured was during her pregnancy
The other movie, with Julia Roberts was called "Sleeping with the enemy". Smooches;) I'm glad she found it within herself to leave him. Also, to clarify my post above about my father... he stopped drinking the last 5-6 years of their marriage and the abuse stopped. I didn't want anyone thinking that he did it for the thirteen years of their marriage... it just took her that long to leave. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
sag10 said: luv4u said: The burning bed and that other movie with Julia Roberts that was really earie. Truly! Also the the one with Jennifer Lopez... I don't think I've seen this one. When did it come out, Sag? | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Another thing I wanted to mention was the fact that many abused women continue on with the abuse. My mother left my sisters father and married an extremely nice guy, but she treated him like crap. I guess after being abused, she was used to being abused, you know? Then, she met another guy who was more verbally abusive than physical, but it's all the same. I think he hit her a couple of times as well. But the thing is, she stayed with the nice guy for a year and the other guy for 9 years! Go figure
BTW, "Enough" was the JLo movie Smooches;) | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
MsMisha319 said: Another thing I wanted to mention was the fact that many abused women continue on with the abuse. My mother left my sisters father and married an extremely nice guy, but she treated him like crap. I guess after being abused, she was used to being abused, you know? Then, she met another guy who was more verbally abusive than physical, but it's all the same. I think he hit her a couple of times as well. But the thing is, she stayed with the nice guy for a year and the other guy for 9 years! Go figure
BTW, "Enough" was the JLo movie Smooches;) That's what my shrink said I was doing... I believe it's called "transference". And, I did see that movie. | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
AzureStarr said: Now... This is a man that would take an axe and chase my mother and myself around the house trying to kill us, upon our leaving, he would happily chop up everything we owned and then proceed to put it in the front yard and call everyone we knew to tell them that they better hide us good because he was going to kill us. This is a man that would throw us out of cars for the smallest of comments. This is a man that would beat her until she couldn't speak, while I watched, then come after me. This is a man that would shoot at us with his rifle. Luckily, my mother always got us out of there before he'd hit us with the axe or the gun... unfortunately, she wasn't always so lucky when he had it in his mind to use his hands.
Once she finally left him and he got off of the alcohol, and I would say drugs, but at that time, during the abuse, he was only using marijuana... he was fine. After she left, he dabbled in Cocaine and alcohol, but never abused anyone... well, the police. Funny thing though... when she'd call the cops, it was "domestic dispute" and couldn't take him in... when he'd fuck with them... arrested. Anyway... my point being... my father could be a monster when drinking. Extremely abusive. Yet, he is no longer that person. OK, I wasn't going to ask about alcohol, but since you brought it up... My father is an alcoholic and guess what? I ALWAYS end up dating alcoholics! And if they aren't alcoholics, they are dysfunctional in some way. Beyond that, you really need to look at how your father's violence has affected you if you haven't already. I just went to my first Al-Anon meeting last week, and I'm going to keep going to more. I want to break the pattern in MYSELF, the pattern of attracting a person that reinforces the kind of identity in me of being a victim or indecisive or whatever. And it IS very scary to change how you've been your whole life, to not know who you are anymore... but ask yourself if you want to be "happy" and what that means for you. I would highly recommend looking into ACA groups, Adult Child of Alcoholics. I'm doing that now, because I KNOW most of my problems have to do with having an alcoholic father. Here is a book I bought a year ago: http://www.amazon.com/exe...s&n=507846 | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
| Moderator |
applekisses said: And, also, just because you guys get officially divorced doesn't mean that things will be different than they are now.
They will be the same...no little piece of paper will stand between you I was about to say this same thing, this and what was in your original post.... Azure I've never been married so I really don't know what it's like, I feel for you though and wish you the best. Oh and get a new lawyer.... who is this guy to say you should stay married??? It's like taking your car to the shop and saying I want you to paint it blue and they guy tells you..oh no it looks better red? Wtf??? In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular. |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
Azure, my divorce is almost final...and I wish I could tell you that I had a clear mind about it, but I can't. I've felt the same thing as you, but, things became a bit easier when I decided to make grown up decisions and follow through with them.
If the divorce is a good move, and only you two know the real answer to that, then you have to go through with it, regardless of feelings that show up.....those feelings are always going to be there.....just make the RATIONAL decision and follow through on the other hand, if you guys are being rash, take time and WORK on your marriage....so many people are not willing to fix things, I hate it. Well, that was my quick two cents.....if I go into any more depth, my bitterness and pessimistic attitude will show....LOL | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
luv4u said: I am going through a divorce, although because he was abusive. I decided I don't wanna live like that and I could see what it was doing to the kids (he was abusive to them too).
Oh man. I am so sorry to hear that luv4u.
PLEASE tell me he is an Orger and what his name is!  | |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |
| Moderator
|
2the9s said: luv4u said: I am going through a divorce, although because he was abusive. I decided I don't wanna live like that and I could see what it was doing to the kids (he was abusive to them too).
Oh man. I am so sorry to hear that luv4u.
PLEASE tell me he is an Orger and what his name is! Thanks 2the9s - Thank god he is not an orger. He is not a Prince fan. Although if he was here (and he is not), I would BAN him eternally. 
Ohh purple joy oh purple bliss oh purple rapture! REAL MUSIC by REAL MUSICIANS - Prince "I kind of wish there was a reason for Prince to make the site crash more" ~~ Ben |
| - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator |