do you own up to it, or do you just rationalize your actions?


I am first and for most honest with myself, I don't try to explain my actions to myself, I am far from perfect but if I make a mistake I admit it.



Do you guys? I'm being serious, do you, or anyone you know rationalize away mistakes?

we are far from perfect, therefore though we may have people who will demand you to be fully accountable for perfect behavior, their own behavior may be in question

it usually takes someone else to point out my screw-ups because i'm too much of an egotistical leo to point it out to myself most of the time. but once someone makes a good case, i usually feel like an ass and fess up to my wrongdoing, then eventually get over it and try to learn from it.

Sweeny79 said:

if I'm totally honest sometimes it's hard to admit being in the wrong, but I still will if I know I am - karma's a bitch and so is your conscience

Anxiety said:

I'm an Aries so I have a lot of pride so I know what you are saying

But I mean when you get that GUT feeling... that I am really being an ass right now feeling.. what do you do then?

7e7e7 said:

I never said I wanted everyone to be perfect, shit I am FAR from an innocent myself.....

What I am asking is, when you KNOW you did something wrong how do you deal with it. Do you say you are sorry or do you make up excuses for your actions?

My Mother is a real great one for this.... she will say or do something meanto you but she will NEVER own up to the fact that she did something wrong. She will makes excuses till the cows come home...it frustrates me to NO end.

My Dad maybe a prick at times but at least he admits it.

I admit it to my family and friends... but, I find that I have a difficult time admitting it to myself.

Natisse said:

there ya go baby! that's how I feel too.

I maybe naive but I thought everyone was kinda like that.... the older I get the more I learn

i own up to it....might as well....gonna have to eventually anyways

AzureStarr said:

explain please....

BabyGirl said:

smart girl!

Sweeny79 said:

if i did wrong i have no problem saying what i did, however, strange as it may seem, moving forward seems to be tied to feeling no guilt... feeling no guilt implies that selective memory, or at least self-forgiveness must be in operation

Sweeny79 said:

I know...me too!! that's one of the things I love most about getting older

I am honest to a fault....so if i fuck up, i'll be the first to admit it.....but I don't like others chastising me for it.....he with no sin.....know what i mean?

jerseykrs said:

EXACTLY HOW I FEEL!

7e7e7 said:

you have to say you are sorry and move on....

but you should STILL say you are sorry.

Do you mean someting you know was wrong....

...or something you know someone else wouldn't like

I'm stuck in the middle on this...sometimes it's yes...and sometimes it,s no

Depends on what it is and who and how it affects them...

...I don't like hurting anyone and tend to keep my fingers clean, but I'm no saint

generally I'd say Yes I own up...at least in part,but I would say that wouldn't I

It's hard to trust anyone who says they are totally honest 'cause we are all fallible...

...sometimes it's the intention which matters most.

And here endeth the thoughts of Steadwood!!

Sweeny79 said:

Owning up to something with family and friends is easy... if I was wrong, I was wrong and I won't let it be any other way... however, if I do something that is wrong, that doesn't directly involve another... meaning, they have no idea that I am struggling with something that I have done, perhaps... oh... fuck. I contacted an old girlfriend tonight,that I haven't spoken to in six years to apologize for being a shitty friend and we've been on the phone for nearly five hours... and well, during that time I've had a few drinks... okay...

So, what I am trying to say is that if I were to say do/say something to someone, or do something that is "wrong"... but doesn't harm another, but was "wrong" in my book, I will try to come up with anything to justify my doing it. However, if it directly involves another, then I have no problem owning up to it.

My manic-depression makes me shop for multiple items of know use to me or of anyone, yet I purchase all that I can of those things... I justify, to myself, that there was a reason to do so.

I call an ex because I have been drinking or because I was weak... I justify that as well.

I say something mean to another, that was uncalled for... I apologize to them.


Yeah? Is that okay?

Steadwood said:

Both I guess

I think my definition of right and wrong are very black and white.... I know the gray is there but
I guess I just am talking about your gut feelings.



I need sleep

Sweeny79 said:

if sorry is in order i use it right then... i tend to generate my decisions an unconventional though highly accurate way, so therefore i tend not to be on the side of making the most errors... this tends to be the opposite of most male decisions, but, i can see where women's desire for apologies in general tend to be a great way to create a false belief system if you aren't actually in the wrong... it's best to apologize for what you should apologize for and remain mute for those things others have to catch up on if you decisions to you seem higher

AzureStarr said:

Yeah thanks Azure that is more than ok

I was talking about saying or doing something mean or destructive to someone else, not really self issues.

I hear everything you are saying though.



Thanks for sharing

7e7e7 said:

Well saying you are sorry when you don't mean it is wrong in a way to ain't it?
I never want anything false I just want honesty.

Sweeny79 said:

I have to laugh because it felt like I was being coddled with your hugs... (thanks for them, though)... it was like... here is a drunk girl posting... hug her and tell her it's okay!

Anyhoo... okay, about doing something destructive to another... I own up to it and apologize.. IF I realize that it was my fault. I can be very stubborn and unforgiving if something is said or done to me and if I retaliate (sp?), then, there are many times I will not apologize... I simply stop all contact with those people. If it was strictly one-sided... I, of course, put my tail between my legs and own up.

I'm babbling.

AzureStarr said:

You are not babbling and I hugged you cuz I like you, that's all

Sweeny79 said:

agreeing to disagree has come into my awareness recently... sometimes we want an apology because our rational selves decide that what is best is for others to see their mistakes, of course our intuitive selves have no use for such distinctions so in that battle of internal wits we find ourselves in a division of realities... the reality that wins ultimately makes the decision, most likely the rational... as much as we want the truth, to paraphrase a movie "we can't handle the truth" that is, the truth also frees us from the responsibilities to be ourselves faults and all.. if this happens, then sometimes the non-truth "yeah, i'm just going to agree that you want an apology" is in order

Sweeny79 said:

I am... and I like you to... so... :hugs:

I sign my divorce papers again tomorrow morning at 10! I would be lying if I said it wasn't concerning me.

But, in any case... I suppose yay for me... it's been nearly two years and it's probably about time, eh.

AzureStarr said:

wow that can be rough but.... empowering as well

Best of luck to you Azure....

7e7e7 said:

I guess.... I'm not looking for an apology... I was just talking to my mother about this stuff and I wondered what you guys thought.

To me if you do something out of line, something that really hurts someone else, you KNOW you are wrong, something inside you repels the action... at least that is how it is for me.

I just wondered if everyone had that internal reaction that kept them on the straight and narrow, that's all.

Sweeny79 said:

I think my definition of right and wrong are very black and white.... I know the gray is there but
I guess I just am talking about your gut feelings.




I sorta know what you mean

It's a bit like someone apologising to someone else for something they,ve done.

They might think they're apologising to make the other person feel better,

when really they are apologising for acceptance for themslves and to make themselves

feel better...it's not exactly wrong ...we all do it,...it is human nature,...just like not owning up

is human nature...it's sorta part of the survival instinct.

This can get into a very deep morral and ethical debate and it's an excellant subject which we

should all look at. We might actually learn something about ourselves and each other, and

some of it we wouldn't like. Good subject no one's right and no one's exactly wrong it's all a
point of each others moral and ethical standpoint.

Good debate,..good points coming across.