Also:

Too many people measure their relationships by popular culture (movies, TV, songs). These are generally idealized, romanticized notions of relationships that don't exist in real life.

Slave2daGroove said:

very good comment, slave2.. you basically nailed it.
(& I am not saying this because I wrote a similar post earlier this year..)


isn't it strange how - & when - people figure out certain things?

I think loving someone and being loved by someone is a kind of balance, a part of a greater whole. When two people both love and are loved by one another, they are in harmony. This kind of love is a reciprocal completion of oneself in and with the other. I think we all seek this kind of completion. Sometimes we find it and it lasts a lifetime.

However, I've seen it many times in relationships whereby he or she loves their partner, and their partner allows them to be loved by them, but they don't really love them. This therefore creates an unbalance. Whatever the short-term pleasures or benefits each one derives from a brief fling to a long-term relationship, its inherent imbalance is bound to produce negative thoughts in them both about the relationship.

If neither love each other, it's like sex without emotional content. There is full og physical contact on the surface, but nothing of one's emotional, intellectual or spiritual being is established or persists in the other. The sex may be amazing but really is that all we want from a relationship if we really soul-search!?!?

I think this is why relationships break down to different degrees. They experience faults at the disproportion and one or the other or even both want to correct it in order to preserve their relationship. Almost always, the one who loves more and who is loved less feels the greater pain and regret, and seeks to establish or restore what was once so great about the relationship. I know, I've been there myself as I'm sure we all have at some point in our lives! Regrettably, this is not always possible. Many conflicts occur in relationships, and many marriages end in divorce, because of this 'imbalance' of this kind.

Then again, if both people invest too much in each other, the disproportion is such that neither feels like a centered person in and themselves. This can happen when two people become 'as one' as the saying goes. Each one loves the other at the expense of the other. Each one is therefore reliant on being loved by the other, with a diminished capacity for self-love, as well as not appreciating the gifts or acts of love in a wholesome way. If one were to lose the other on whom so much of oneself depends, it would be like losing yourself. It's a bit confusing really! What makes a relationship work! It's like one plus one equals one, if you stay together, but two minus one equals zero, if you split apart.

So... based on everything we've read here, how many of us are really in happy, good relationships?

Natsume said:

I am!

Finally! ...

That's what is making me think of all the other relationships I have been in.

Sweeny79 said:

cuz ppl r 2 "n love" to realize that they're not right 4 that person and vice versa. so nstead of not gettin involved they do it n e way cuz they're "following their heart".

JDINTERACTIVE said:

Damn, I gotta find a man like you in my city. Very wise, JD!

bluesbaby said:

This is all sooooo true.

Moonwalkbjrain said:

Following your heart is NEVER a bad thing to do

The ads at the top of the page are about jealousy and codependence.

Relationships fail cos we all end up settling.. we don't follow our hearts our true love. Their is one person out their for everyone.. when u find them don't let go.

Life is too short to not be happy.. don't just settle with what you have.. find true love.. true happines.. it does exist.. just like u dream of.

VinaBlue said:

ellieadore said:

SO MOTHERFUCKING TRUE!!!! THANK YOU!!!!

Sweeny79 said:

Sounds like u found 'the one' congrats.. i have too we just working out how to be together

ellieadore said:

WHERES MINE

where do u get them from?

ellieadore said:

life is short?!

what a rip!

no comment

Sweeny79 said:

Hmm, I'll better then. I'm scared of that lil waving finger of yours.

J0eyC0c0 said:

Relationships fail when our ideals change and we are able to move forward, or they fail when we stay together trying to honor our commitment when true love and desire are gone.

Someone may marry believing that til 'death do us part' is the right thing to do. Once an idea of a desirable relationship is implanted in our minds, we will try many things to bend the truth to achieve this union.

We think we know what we want but as time goes on we might find that there is something missing. Either we move on or stay in the same place. If we have morals or integrity we are not always able to follow our hearts the way we'd like because issues of right or wrong get in the way.

Vital said:

i realy do agree....
Life´s not that easy as some ppl like to pretend it is

AndGodCreatedMe said:

it's not?

what a rip!

TheFrog said:

Are you bored???

AndGodCreatedMe said:

can you tell that easily?

TheFrog said:

but i still luv you

ellieadore said:

This is right on the money. But I think the biggest point of failure is when you succumb to FEAR. Fear keeps people in unhappy relationships and settling for less - being afraid to leave and not follow their dream of true love and so they settle for less and everyone is miserabe and then cheating happens etc.. And fear also keeps people apart from their dreams... being afraid to let go and be vulnerable and just take the risk. You gotta be able to risk a broken heart in order to find someone who will fill it with joy!

fanasticfan said:

That is beautiful.. and very well put. We should all stop being scared