I've been thinking a lot about this lately, this being a year in which my heart took quite a beating.

I think that no matter the circumstances relationships (not just romantic ones but friendships too) come to an end because someone was selfish.

If you cheated.... you were being selfish.

If you lied.... you were being selfish.

If you were too lazy to be good to another... you were selfish.



What do you guys think, am I on to something here?

Good relationships are rare. So take em when they come, otherwise just enjoy life.

EvilWhiteMale said:

I KNOW THAT!

Those reasons as well as

we set expectations that no one can reach--ourselves or others

we try to change the other person

we are not flexible

we are unhappy in our own lives and displace it onto the other person

we don't risk trusting someone else

we don't trust ourselves

we "settle" for someone out of fear of being alone, etc.

bluesbaby said:

Wow all very good points I can relate to.

Thank you Bluesbaby

I don't know about that Sweeny. I know someone who is in a relationship right now and she feels, as she said "Something is definitely lacking in the relationship. I need my mind stimulated." I don't think she is being selfish. I think the person she is with bores the shit out of her and she had talked to the person about it too. So, how long should she endure it?

I love being a jiggalo. No stress involved.

Takes two to tango and usually neither can see the fault of theirs in the relationship.
It is alot of work(and luck) to make a healthy long lasting relationship. I was married 8 years and can tell you i stayed 4 years too long. Just be yourself goin in and half the battle is won.
Now if you can find someone who will also do the same you are probably there. Problem is most people get on the "good foot" when they meet you so they can win you over. FUCK THAT!! Deception is still deception.

EvilWhiteMale said:

No depth either

Janfriend said:

I did for 7 years.... it was a mistake.

When it's time for her to leave she will know it.

and how have you been? Haven't seen you around in a while.

I hope all is well

Janfriend said:

Exactly.

Sweeny79 said:

I'm ok going through my own non-relationship drama.

I don't think my friend is being selfish. I think the person she's with is. I don't know. I don't know too many details

Janfriend said:

I'll expose the depth when the right girl comes along.

CHEECHWIZARD said:

I agree with what you say about it taking two to tango

I never said I wasn't the selfish one at times

Deception is tricky, I agree it's never a wise thing to do, but I think it depends on the situation.

Janfriend said:

I know what you mean about her partner being selfish....might be that he/she is

I'm glad you are doing well!

Sweeny79 said:

I have a hard time not deceiving. When I really like someone romatically, I'm more introverted and quiet and I say too much. I let them do most of the talking, which could mae me boring and I'm not really like that, especially arounf my friends. The bad side to this is I dated someone who thought I was cool and laid back and when some time had past, my real self started popping out and they lost interest. oh, well.

Sweeny79 said:

Never good to deceive. You are basically lying to the one you are with. Eventually it will come out and the breakdown begins(unless you plan to be deceptive for life). Try being yourself and seeing how a man treats you. You may be surprised. Men are more responsive to realism than ever before. Men need depth and realness in their relationship too.

EvilWhiteMale said:

...but how can you do that if you're being a jiggolo? I mean doesn't that mean you're not giving that possibility a chance?

Janfriend said:

BINGO!!!! Learn to be you around the ones you are attracted to. If it doesn't work out you know they weren't meant for you.

CHEECHWIZARD said:

I do get what you are saying, I didn't saying lying is the best thing to do...but you know shit happens.

As for me I'm involved with a wonderful,loving, damn near perfect man that treats me like a princess

I guess I've been thinking about this shit because now that my emotions are in check I can see the past with more clarity.

Sweeny79 said:

I think the lack of respect 4 that other person as well as selfishness!

Sweeny79 said:

and ps. I am ALWAYS myself and you don't get no deeper than me.

ELBOOGY said:

VERY GOOD POINT!

Janfriend said:

No because when people meet, they pretty much know what kind of relationship is possible.

EvilWhiteMale said:

You are right the chemistry does tell you

Sometimes your brain/thoughts/issues get in the way though.

Sweeny79 said:

I could give you an example of how that's not the case, sometimes you need more than just one meeting with that person, to break through the deception of that representative that's not the real person

Sweeny79 said:

Well, it's like hanging out with a new girl one night. I basically know from our chemistry if she's gonna be a fuck or something more. So I go with the flow. Either way it's good if something happens.

EvilWhiteMale said:

Well I'm glad that you don't have those issues, I don't either and I can relate to what you are saying.

Janfriend said:

BINGO!! Exactly why so many people end up in messed up relationships. They ain't meeting the real person right off the bat. They fall in love with the person they meet, then when they meet the real person the end up hating them. You on it Janfriend.

CHEECHWIZARD said:

Hate is a rather strong word don't you think?

I don't HATE any of my ex's.

Do you?