My girlfriend called me up frantic on Sunday, wanting me to come over. Besides her husband being a completely selfish, good for nothing, lazy-assed, sorry excuse for a man, he's now decided to keep from her... sexual gratification.

Apparently he won't go "down south" anymore. She recently had a the cutest little baby girl, about eight months ago... and, well, since then their sex life has declined quite a bit.

He calls her "MommaDonna" while they are having sex... and won't go "there" anymore... basically he's there to get off and then... well, get off of her.

She thinks that maybe she's not attractive to him anymore, since having their baby. She had gained a bit of weight and has about ten more pounds to go. I don't think that's it... but, I wonder, since he saw her give birth... would that have something to do with it?

I mean... after seeing that, could it be possible that he is turned off from going there again?

I bore witness to both of my childrens birth and neither bothered me, I still thought my wife was beautiful and hot.....

.....it was her fucking other men that eventually turned me off.....

jerseykrs said:

If that last bit is serious... I'm sorry... that's horrible.

jerseykrs said:

I know that's not funny, but I laughed out loud when I read that.

AzureStarr said:

He calls her mommadonna while.... good luck with all of that!

crazyhorse said:

Yeah. She says that he thinks it's a turn-on for her. I mean... how could anyone possibly think that would be a turn-on?! Well, I suppose, considering the mouth that it is coming from... he could.

AzureStarr said:

HAHAHAH, I guess we have never chatted before Azure, and yes, it is true.....

Any man who can truly be called a "man" will treasure the experience of seeing the birth of their child thru eyes made solely of love and amazement...and won't think of any part of it in a negative way. That's something I believe in the core of my being, not bullshitting here...

True, there can be some "association" that goes on subconsciously, but overall it should alter one's perceptions in that area...if it does, it probably stems more from him being a "completely selfish, good for nothing, lazy-assed, sorry excuse for a man" than it does with anything having to do with witnessing his child being born.

lovemachine said:

nah, it was supposed to garner a laugh, cause that's all I do about it now....

Byron said:

Well said....

It's possible, I guess.

I for one have seen all three of my children as they were coming out through the Play-Doh Fun Factory of life, and I still LOVE giving her oral.

jerseykrs said:

Byron said:

That is honestly true, seeing that, I fucking cried both times, it was honestly a beautiful, moving experience.....it made me feel, ummm.....i guess amazed.....and yeah, I loved her alot at the very moment both happened.....


and yeah, he's just being selfish....OR....and this is usually the case.....he's screwing around

Byron said:

theres an actual clinical diagnosis for this...my stepfather went through this for many many years after my mum gave birth to their child.....i has a lot to do with feeling overwhelmed by the birth process and no longer seeing the vagina in a sexual light...

PanthaGirl said:

WOW, I'm surprised how many orgers DON'T know my story.....

Byron said:

That's probably it. I was trying to offer her suggestions as to why he may be avoiding that area... and I had happened to watch Nova a day or so prior to this conversation with her and they were showing the birth of a baby... Colin FREAKED... lol. So, I thought... well, maybe that's it, you know... and trying to be a friend and not tell her that her husband is a selfish... well, you know.

Their marriage is a disaster anyway... so it shouldn't surprise her that it's stopped. A week ago she admitted to him that in the beginning of their marriage she kissed a co-worker (she went to church that morning and felt guilty and decided to tell him... or something). He said... "Oh, don't worry about that baby... I've done that many times during our marriage... it's nothing to worry about". I just shut up.

.
[This message was edited Mon Jul 19 18:14:31 2004 by crazyhorse]

All bullshit aside here is the deal. He wants something else, either she's not doing something he wants or he's intrested in something different from her.From the mommadonna comment he made it sounds like he wants another in his bed of has a really out there fetish she wouldnt understand.Either way he not happy in bed and that results in her not being happy.

AzureStarr said:

You know...this whole story reminds me of that scene in "8 Mile" where Kim Bassinger whines to "Rabbit" (Eminem) that her lazy, abusive, good-for-nothing boyfriend won't do the act either...in the movie, you laugh, because it's so ridiculous and sad you can't help but laugh...but honestly, if your friend has all these issues going on within her marriage and she's concerned about THAT??...Well, that also says something about her mindset as well...

Byron said:

I concur
[This message was edited Mon Jul 19 18:19:01 2004 by jerseykrs]

Byron said:

Oh, yes... she's a complete nut-job.

I've been there as well... everything she says reminds me of my marriage. She wants out, but is afraid to go through with it. So, each little thing keeps stacking on top of the other little things that are stacked on top of the huge things... eventually it'll fall over. Right now she's in the depression stage... not taking care of herself, having to devote all of her time to the new baby because he won't help, lacking all confidence in herself... it's sad to watch, but I know there is nothing I can do but be there for her and listen to her... she'll make her move when she's ready.

ya neva know what happens inside of a mans head during birth. jus like for women it will vary from man to man. it duzn't make him any less a man it just might mentally do something to him. he might see her more as the mother of his child than a sex object. i saw the birth of my children and was on her asap, but then i'm horny like that. i still respect those who see a woman differently after childbirth. as long as he doesn't cheat on her and helps raise the kids.
not having sex the same way doesn't mean he loves her any less.

CHEECHWIZARD said:

It's not really about if he loves her any less than he did before...the level and realness of his love may have already been low so if it stayed the same after childbirth wouldn't be saying much...

It's more about the ability to see a part, any part, of your lover's body and see more than just the sex act...limiting your partner's body to merely the physical pleasures it gives you during lovemaking will more quickly lead to looking at their body differently if they gain weight, if they have a scar from surgery, if they lose a breast from cancer...or if they give birth. If, however, you can see far more within the physical of your lover--their soul, their heart, their mind, the love they make you feel--then their bodies will always be desireable, beautiful, erotic...sounds like Azure's friend's husband is not quite in the latter catagory.

Like I said, there will be some association taking place for many men when witnessing childbirth...but overall it should be minimal, and shouldn't have any real effect on how they approach their mates.

Byron said:

You speak for all men. i can only speak for me. you have all dis loving knowledge and have no woman in your life? if you practice wut you preach i am sure you have a line around the block. and if you have been in a relationship why did it not last? i have flaws and i know there will be flaws in the women i meet and date. it is the acceptance of these flaws that makes things work. not the sugar coated dream that is sometimes shot for.

CHEECHWIZARD said:

You can't be serious..lol...Not even gonna respond to that first part.

As for the "sugar coated dream"...well, perhaps less women (and men for that matter) would end up in lousy, unfulfilling relationships if they just allowed themselves to get as close to that "dream" as they can, instead of admitting defeat right off the bat. Nothing at all wrong with spending time alone while you wait, see, discover...

And by the way, the success of a relationship is not based on longevity...see my signature line.

Byron said:

see my above post....

somebody respond to it..

sosgemini said:

LoL... I saw it, and I don't disagree with it...but unfortinately, the diagnosis you speak of doesn't go much into what other determining factors were in existence before these men and their mates began to have children...

Byron said:

Was i hittin a little too close to home Wut you describe is a relationship of expectation. The very thing that cause bad relationships. The he/she can change and everything will be fine. Don't try to be some superhero. jus be you and speak from a real place you can resonably achieve. Painting the "i'm gonna give you the world" only leads to heartache. Learn your flaws and deal with them. Learn their flaws and deal with them too. Let them learn your flaws and deal with them also. Then you have a sound foundation. The purpose of relationships is to simply be yourself. So much easier and stable that way. Takes all the fakeness out of it.

CHEECHWIZARD said:

Nope...you're just way off the mark...lol (as usual around here)


I was talking physical changes...and yes, relationships based on true love and soulful/spiritual connections will indeed survive physical changes...


"Superhero", huh??...Wow...someone definitely has a warped concept of what relationships and love can/should be...but it ain't me, my friend.


Saying "I don't see you as merely physical, but as the entire package: spiritual, emotional, soulful, intellectual...and it's gonna take far more than some mere changes to your body to make me see you otherwise" is hardly "I'm gonna give you the world" talk...and it's hardly impossible, either.


Exactly where did I say nobody should have flaws in a relationship??...And by the way, if you're saying that a man who reduces his lover's body to a physical sex object and then has childbirth effect how he sees making love to her as a "flaw", then aren' t you agreeing with me??...



Um, newsflash...you can be "yourself" without ever being in a relationship...the purpose of relationships is to be your better self in relation to another...it's how you are in relation to how they are that gives ALL relationships--friendships, family, romantic, co-workers--their purpose and their worth...and within that context, how long a relationship last is not the barometer of how good it is or how good the participants are within it.

Game, set, match.
[This message was edited Mon Jul 19 19:20:39 2004 by Byron]