God bless Chauvanists, they make the worlsd a better place 2 live in




How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably
never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she
starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.

married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

One sec while I pull up some jokes about men...

REDFEATHERS said:

My favourite 'men' joke :



Why are men like public toilets ?

They're all vacant, engaged or full of shit.

hullo, bastard.

What do U say 2 a woman with two Black Eyes?

U should of listened the First time!

Why did the woman cross the road?


Fuck that! You should be asking " Why did the bitch leave the kitchen!!!"

Scientists have finally found intelligent D.N.A. in women.....

unfortunately it's not there long as most women spit and don't swallow.

Q. What did God say after he created man?
A. "I can do better than this."

Q. How are men like noodles?
A. They are always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.


Q. Why is a psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
A. When it’s time to go back to his childhood, he’s already there.

Q. Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners?
A. So men can understand them.

Q. What is the difference between government bonds and men?
A. Government bonds mature.

Why is a man like a moped?
They're both fun to ride until your friends see you with one.


True dat!

What do you call a woman with two brain cells? Pregnant.








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[This message was edited Thu Jul 8 5:18:19 2004 by PoorLittleBastard]

Why don't men believe in paternity tests?
Because the sample is taken from their finger.

Why don't men cook at home?
No one's invented a steak that will fit in the toaster.

Wife: "I won the lottery! Five million dollars. Whoo-ee--start packing!"
Husband "That's great!!! What should I pack?"
Wife: "Whatever you want, just be out of the house by the time I get there"


What did God say after she made Eve?
"Practice makes perfect."

How does a woman know the man is cheating on her?
He starts bathing twice a week.

What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat?
Divorce him.

How does a man show he's planning for the Future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.

What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.

What is the difference between a man and a catfish?
One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.

Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?

What do you call an intelligent man in South London?
A tourist.

Why do men name their penises?
Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.

U forced me 2 use this 1 woman!

How many women does it take 2 change a lightbulb

two

One 2 change the bulb and one 2 suck my dick

What is gross stupidity?
144 men in one room.

How do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.


What do men and beer have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.


How can you tell if a man is happy?
Who cares?

what do U do when the washing machine and cooker break down?

Take her 2 the doctor and get a take-away.

PoorLittleBastard said:

I dont change light bulbs

Btw, you know we women always win

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One-He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

PoorLittleBastard said:

How many men does it take to tile a bathroom?
Two. If you slice them very thinly.



What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?
Big Foot's been spotted a several times.

What's the smartest thing a man can say?
"My wife says..."


What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
Straight through the rib cage.

it's chauvinist, man

How can you tell if your husband's dead?
Sex is the same but you get the remote.

Why do women always wear black to bed?
To mourn the dead pricks beside them!!

How do you confuse a man?
You don't have to - they're born that way

Why does a man have a clear conscience?
Because it's never used.

Handclapsfingasnapz said:

and worlds, not worlsd

Why do women make better soldiers than men?
Because they can bleed for a week and still not die

Handclapsfingasnapz said:

shut up!! Woman