A very embarrassing situation happened to a guest at my home the other day. Let me set the
stage, and then we can go over how to not let this happen to you.

Picture it, Sicily, er, Chicago, July 3rd, 2004. A friend of the wife partakes in
the festivities at our home. About 2 hours later, she excuses herself and heads to the restroom. Now mind you, I was outside enjoying a cold filtered miller genuine draft (my 5th), so i was about ready to drain the tank, and seeing that there was no way to do this outside (usually my preference. something about the freedom), so i too headed to the restroom.

I immediately noticed that someone was in the bathroom, and had begun the painful journey
to the 2nd bathroom. Suddenly, the door opened. The friend quickly darted towards the
other guests, but must've sensed me looking at her, and looked back.....Our eyes met
and there was a sense of something not right in her eyes. Sorta like deer in the headlights
syndrome, only amplified. I thought nothing of the look, and entered in the restroom.

HOLY SHIT. She stunk up the joint. Grandma's long draws with the nicotine stains in the back
where she had sneezed and got snuff in them couldn't outfunk the funk I was in. I peeped in the bowl, and there was a comebacker--NO TISSUE. Sure, an arguement can be made that it went down with the first team, but doesn't it usually go in last? oh nevermind.

Anyway, I held my breath and started the beer download, but i'm a smoker, and it was a lot of
beer.....In the midst of the choking, coughing, burning of the eyes I started thinking. This
could happen to me, and I started to think of what this woman could've done to avoid this.

Which brings me to the subject. How to Stool without a Trace.

Step 1. Pay attention to the bowl. Is it big, do you think the flush will be powerful?
Step 2. Roll a generous amount of tissue into your hand, (but not too much. You may overflow
and that would be a nightmare) and lay it in a way so as to create a parachute in the
dead center.
Step 3. Aim True (keep in mind. This isn't a dump where you're going to be reading a book,
paper, porn. You just wanna unload enough to get by).
Step 4. Immediately flush. If you're lucky the water will be powerful enough to keep everything
within the tissue, thus avoiding the embarrassing skids, and 90% of the smell.

There are other factors to consider, like, how much water have you had prior, did you have beans, are you lactose intolerant. I would suggest practicing at home BEFORE you get placed into a situation like this. Last thing you want is to destroy a bathroom, only to unlock the door and find 5-6 people standing in line.

I can just imagine you practising on the aiming...