by Les Fabian Brathwaite

What makes a music video “gay?” Shirtless mens? Drag queens? More campiness than John Waters’ living room?

Well, yes, all of that. But also that undefinable quality that makes you think, “God, that was so gay it should be starring in Mission Impossible 5.” Or, “That was so gay, it deserves all the Tonys.”

So toss some glitter in the air and clear the next hour from your schedule because we’re counting down the gayest music videos of all time.

15. The B52s, “Love Shack”

Before sending queens to sashay to their deaths, RuPaul was just a young gal about town with an afro and a dream—a dream to snatch both wigs and the spotlight!

14. Erasure, “Run to the Sun”

Tiny naked men floating on little balls elevate this Erasure video into the gay stratosphere, which, in all fairness, is where Erasure belongs.

13. Pet Shop Boys, “Go West”

In recruiting their gay army, the Pet Shop Boys not only asked but told everybody.

12. Extreme, “More Than Words”

Perhaps Max from Happy Endings said it best.

11. Icona Pop, “All Night”

Clear the floor! Clear. The. Floor. The children are approaching. Category is: music video first time in drags at a ball.

10. Madonna, “Express Yourself”

This list would be incomplete without the presence of Ms. Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone Penn Ritchie, Queen of Pop, Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons.

“Express Yourself” gets extra gay points for the horde of shirtless men doing pushups in the rain while Madge serves Marlene Dietrich power-dyke realness.

9. Queen, “I Want to Break Free”

Freddie Mercury was gayer than a harlequin unitard in this video, where he and his fellow Queens got all dolled up in drag. The sight of those unshaved legs must have been too much for MTV, which banned the clip.

8. Mick Jagger and David Bowie, “Dancing in the Street”

Jagger and Bowie’s rumored affair came dancing out of the closet and into the streets in this video, which makes it look like like the glam gods went at it right after shooting wrapped.

7. DMX- “Ruff Ryders Anthem”

When DMX released “Ruff Ryders Anthem,” I wanted nothing more than to grow up and go to prison, which I assumed was populated solely by ripped shirtless dudes growling in each others faces.

Ah, youth.

6. Frankie Goes to Hollywood – “Relax”

A song about ejaculating deserves a video set in a gay S&M club, right? Both the “Relax” video and the song itself were eventually banned in the UK, but all that controversy just made “Relax” a huge hit and further cemented the ’80s as the most unintentionally gay decade ever.

5. Cazwell – “Ice Cream Truck”

Hip-hop homo Cazwell recruited New York’s hottest go-go boys to shake what their mamas (and hours of deep squats) gave them. For good measure, there’s some suggestive popsicle slurping and enough exposed crack to warrant a DEA investigation.

4. Olivia Newton-John – “Physical”

What’s gayer? ONJ’s day-glo ’80s spandex? Or the manscaped queens working out in speedos then heading off to the showers hand-in-hand? Answer: this dude’s mustache and “I Sing the Body Electric” afro.

3. Electric Six – “Gay Bar”

Sweaty, shirtless Abe Lincolns (arguably our gayest president) work on their fitness in this ode to your favorite watering hole.

2. George Michael, “Outside”

After George Michael’s humiliating arrest in a public bathroom, the pop diva didn’t run and hide—he made a song (and video) about it! Sporting a leather daddy mustache, Georgie dances on the grave of public opinion while making a strong argument for disco urinals.

1. Samwell, “What What (In the Butt)”

This video took the internet by gay storm, releasing a downpour of scratched heads, raised eyebrows and a memorable South Park parody. It still makes no sense, but genius doesn’t have to. It just has to exist. And thank the gay gods Samwell took the five minutes out of his life to make this masterwork.

I love most of these and I am not even gay....

Ps... where is the amazing Village People and the whole disco era 1977-1979??

Serge Gainsbourg's "Mon Legionnaire" is missing from the list.

Billy Squier's "Rock Me Tonight" is missing too. That's the video that pretty much ruined him.

SPYZFAN1 said:

Billy Squier's "Rock Me Tonight" is missing too. That's the video that pretty much ruined him.

Just about to post the same thing. Oh, Billy.

That list ain't shit without this one...

What about Right Said Fred?

Culture Club.

Billy Squire didn't make the list?

where is the weather girls'its raining men'? that has to be #1. also no village people? 'wake me up before you go go' is pretty damn gay.

lowkey said:

where is the weather girls'its raining men'? that has to be #1. also no village people? 'wake me up before you go go' is pretty damn gay.

^ I agree, those mentioned by you are missing, they are really gay in a good way.

Y.M.C.A., In The Navy, Go West, Macho Man.... the more gay the better.. I love disco, haha!

And like you said The Weather Girls - that song is amazing..

I agree about the YMCA thing for sure......Here are my offerings

Army of Lovers & Man 2 Man Parish

Man2Man

ArmyofLovers

Even as a hetrosexual man, Crucified is one of my favourite euro songs lol

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[Edited 8/9/15 15:54pm]

Should be renamed "15 Videos that express the most archaic and ridiculous gay stereotypes as perceived by ignorant ass straight people who are homophobic"

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Wow drag queenism, anal sex, drugs, over the top emotions, all thats missing is the AIDS.

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Grow the fuck up guys, theres more to gays than hardcore anal sex, drugs, parties and bitchiness. I thought the org would be borad minded than this, buti guess I was wrong.

I love some of these songs, but not because they are "gay" but because they are good songs.

[Edited 8/10/15 2:39am]

Adorecream said:

Should be renamed "15 Videos that express the most archaic and ridiculous gay stereotypes as perceived by ignorant ass straight people who are homophobic"

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Wow drag queenism, anal sex, drugs, over the top emotions, all thats missing is the AIDS.

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Grow the fuck up guys, theres more to gays than hardcore anal sex, drugs, parties and bitchiness. I thought the org would be borad minded than this, buti guess I was wrong.

Indeed, stereotypes about being gay are larger than life

Adorecream said:

Should be renamed "15 Videos that express the most archaic and ridiculous gay stereotypes as perceived by ignorant ass straight people who are homophobic"

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Wow drag queenism, anal sex, drugs, over the top emotions, all thats missing is the AIDS.

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Grow the fuck up guys, theres more to gays than hardcore anal sex, drugs, parties and bitchiness. I thought the org would be borad minded than this, buti guess I was wrong.

Oh, Christ! Get off your high horse.

Adorecream said:

Should be renamed "15 Videos that express the most archaic and ridiculous gay stereotypes as perceived by ignorant ass straight people who are homophobic"

.

Wow drag queenism, anal sex, drugs, over the top emotions, all thats missing is the AIDS.

.

Grow the fuck up guys, theres more to gays than hardcore anal sex, drugs, parties and bitchiness. I thought the org would be borad minded than this, buti guess I was wrong.

There is more to being gay, but it won't make the Top 15!

SchlomoThaHomo said:

That list ain't shit without this one...

Who directed this LOL

Cinny said:

SchlomoThaHomo said:

Cinny said:

Who directed this LOL

Two ladies with a penchant for twinks, bare bottoms, and Jell-O, apparently.

Very twinkish

All videos by Imagination:-D

Don't have anything against them btw...great music, brilliant visuals

Saw Leee John perform a few months ago, and the man can still hold it down

^ Music & Lights... and... Just An Illusion.. great songs..

And the guys are half naked, maybe that's gay ?

No matter imo.. I like their big hits as well, very good music...... with a pop disco sound..

[Edited 8/13/15 3:53am]

Adorecream said:

Should be renamed "15 Videos that express the most archaic and ridiculous gay stereotypes as perceived by ignorant ass straight people who are homophobic"

.

Wow drag queenism, anal sex, drugs, over the top emotions, all thats missing is the AIDS.

.

Grow the fuck up guys, theres more to gays than hardcore anal sex, drugs, parties and bitchiness. I thought the org would be borad minded than this, buti guess I was wrong.

*sips tea* and agrees with all of this.

Yeah, I guess I get passionate, but this list is lightweight. David Bowie was militantly straight by 1985 and was even bordering on homophobic, Take that are not gay and the #1 song was a gimmick song by an extremely effeminate man who sets gay rights all the way back to 1961.

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Where is any music from artists like Grace Jones, Kylie Minogue, Barbra Streisand, Judy Garland, Shirley Bassey and Bette Midler. Those are artists that many gay men I know like. And what about Elton John or Little Richard, not forgetting Prince in his Dirty Mind/Controversy period where he looked very TBH.

No mention of this one? For reals?

[Edited 9/23/15 21:08pm]