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Reply #60 posted 05/05/16 6:31pm

cardinal

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mcknzlrk said:



cardinal said:


mcknzlrk said:

I have finally started to go through all of my Prince albums and upload the ones I havent had on my iPod to my computer, then I found an array of interviews and preformances I have had hidden on a hard drive, and I watched them. I am filled with utter despair and dread. I don't want to live in a world without Prince. He helped me immensley growing up and into adulthood and seeing him and dancing with him on stage when I was fifteen was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am so heartbroken, how are you coping with this? I know I am not the only one. Every day that passes is hurting more, its not getting any better. Will this be the only way I can listen to his music? Will I ever be able to see his face again without crying? It scares me.



I have barely been able to look at pictures of him and occasionally an interview clip. I absolutely cannot listen to him sing right now, and it worries me that I don't know when I'll be able to. I feel like someone has just scooped out my insides and left me empty. but yesterday I made the tiniest step of progress. I realized I was feeling pressure to try to "get over this" because everybody around me has moved on, and a lot of people out in the world have probably moved on. and then it occurred to me, I don't have to move on in the same way as everyone else. I can, and I have, chosen to be forever changed by him, his music, and his death. I am a different person now going forward. It will be a new normal. I don't know what it will look like, but I don't feel pressured to go back to feeling the way I did before he passed. I don't even want to. In some ways, this grief will be with me the rest of my life. And in a way it brings comfort to know that he has changed me this profoundly. It's a way of keeping him with me I suppose. In a weird way, the knowledge that I'll never completely be over the pain of his death made me feel relief. i don't have to completely let go of the grief if i don't want to. and i don't, because it is part of the love. [Edited 5/5/16 8:34am]

Yes! I was feeling pressure too, but we are not the same as them. We will never be the same after this, just as we were never the same after knowing him. Thank you for responding.



i think as time goes on, we will realize more and more that we are "not the same as them" as you put it. that as the memorial covers become less frequent, as the headlines move on to other things, as the details of his health and death give us some possible answers, others will move on, and we will be left to find a new way forward wihout him. hopefully, with each other's help....

"do i have a friend tonight?" --prince at his last concert in atlanta bawl
[Edited 5/5/16 18:35pm]
"If u love somebody, your life won't be in vain
And there's always a rainbow, at the end of every rain."--peace and love, dear prince.....
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Reply #61 posted 05/06/16 5:06am

DoItAllNight4U

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Guitarhero said:

isobelfq said:

today I cried because I couldn't find my black african soap. but of course I was crying over Prince. I miss him so much. I also suffer from mental illness. I have clinical depression and a Generalized anxiety disorder. Plus I'm seriously introverted so I really like to be alone. I guess what I'm saying is that this is a recipe for another deep, deep depression. I miss him so much you guys. I miss him so much. It hurts so bad and I don't know what to do about it.

I hear yah , i have depression don't really like to talk about that, am up and down. Thank god i have this place with so many knowing how it feels. Hold in there please. hug

Depression is a MF and I know this because I'm constantly in and out of it. Hugs to you both hug hug

"I was here in the beginning and I'll be here forever more"
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Reply #62 posted 05/06/16 7:09am

CherryMoon57

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DoItAllNight4U said:

Guitarhero said:

I hear yah , i have depression don't really like to talk about that, am up and down. Thank god i have this place with so many knowing how it feels. Hold in there please. hug

Depression is a MF and I know this because I'm constantly in and out of it. Hugs to you both hug hug


I honestly don't know what I would have done without this forum. It's like a collective-virtual-therapy-shelter. Thank you orgers and other people involved for keeping this place up and going after so many years. It has somewhat helped me soothe the deep pain (it's not completely gone yet and don't know if it ever will). I guess the pain has been in proportion with the greatness of the artist and how important Prince was for all of us. I also think (at least from reading a majority of posts in here) that he seemed to have touched a lot of very perceptive/ receptive people, which I guess you would have to be to appreciate his music. So that's probably part of the reason why we are currently finding it so hard to deal with. Big hugs to everyone. hug

[Edited 5/6/16 7:37am]

Life Matters
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Reply #63 posted 05/06/16 11:22am

mcknzlrk

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DoItAllNight4U said:



Guitarhero said:




isobelfq said:


today I cried because I couldn't find my black african soap. but of course I was crying over Prince. I miss him so much. I also suffer from mental illness. I have clinical depression and a Generalized anxiety disorder. Plus I'm seriously introverted so I really like to be alone. I guess what I'm saying is that this is a recipe for another deep, deep depression. I miss him so much you guys. I miss him so much. It hurts so bad and I don't know what to do about it.



I hear yah , i have depression don't really like to talk about that, am up and down. Thank god i have this place with so many knowing how it feels. Hold in there please. hug





Depression is a MF and I know this because I'm constantly in and out of it. Hugs to you both hug hug



Yeah, I have borderline personality disorder, with that comes my anxiety disorder and severe depression. This forum is helping me cope, mental illness is hard. I was diagnosed when I was only 9 so I don't really remember a life without it.
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Reply #64 posted 05/07/16 1:39am

DoItAllNight4U

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mcknzlrk said:

DoItAllNight4U said:

Depression is a MF and I know this because I'm constantly in and out of it. Hugs to you both hug hug

Yeah, I have borderline personality disorder, with that comes my anxiety disorder and severe depression. This forum is helping me cope, mental illness is hard. I was diagnosed when I was only 9 so I don't really remember a life without it.

I believe I've been going through episodes of depression since I was 11. I remember beng in middle school and quickly shifting moods. I could be extremely mad/sad one minute and then I'd be really ahppy the next. I'm not old enough (apparently) to be diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder but I am 99% sure I have it and I even had a psychiatrist give me mood stabilizers so that's enough confirmation for me. I've been going through a Manic episode for a month already so I haven't been able to fully process the grief and emotion of Prince's passing. I can't even calm myself down and read every post on here and I'm not really feeling anything. I feel like my mind is constantly racing even as I type this so it's quite difficult for me to focus.

"I was here in the beginning and I'll be here forever more"
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Reply #65 posted 05/07/16 1:50am

Guitarhero

Such cool people here . Hugs back at yah all. smile

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Reply #66 posted 05/07/16 10:41am

Bohemian67

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After the tears will just come the goosebumps when you listen to the music. To know the highs of happiness we have to sometimes feel the depths of despair. Life isn't always easy and growing older even harder.

.

I sometimes wonder how hard it was for Prince, after having experienced such highs after performances, to deal with the returns to reality.

"Free URself, B the best that U can B, 3rd Apartment from the Sun, nothing left to fear" Prince Rogers Nelson - Forever in my Life -
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Reply #67 posted 05/07/16 12:58pm

isobelfq

Yeah, I thought I was over the crying phase. Nope. Not even close. Now I'm crying and furious and sad all at the same time.

Join me under the waterfall
Climb the rainbow tree

love is my color when I am shown love in return
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Reply #68 posted 05/07/16 2:16pm

CherryMoon57

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isobelfq said:

Yeah, I thought I was over the crying phase. Nope. Not even close. Now I'm crying and furious and sad all at the same time.


I'm not very happy either. There is an emptiness inside me (and tons of questions) but I try not too think about it too much, nearly like pretending that he hasn't gone. I even try to think that maybe he hasn't gone at all. After all because we haven't witnessed anything, that is possible too. In fact anything is possible. Whether he is here or not doesn't matter because we won't see him again. So let's just pretend he is here and enjoy his music - and there's lots of it - as we always have done, and that won't go away.

Life Matters
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Reply #69 posted 05/08/16 3:51pm

mailaccount63

CherryMoon57 said:


I honestly don't know what I would have done without this forum. It's like a collective-virtual-therapy-shelter. Thank you orgers and other people involved for keeping this place up and going after so many years. It has somewhat helped me soothe the deep pain (it's not completely gone yet and don't know if it ever will).

Agreed.

[Edited 5/8/16 15:52pm]

[Edited 5/8/16 15:53pm]

RIP Prince. We will NEVER forget you. Thank you so much.

"Dearly Beloved:
We are gathered here today 2 get through this thing called: 'Life'."
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Reply #70 posted 05/08/16 4:43pm

purplestainedt
ears

I feel your pain. I discovered this forum literally a week before the news broke of Prince's passing. I I regret never being able to see Prince live. I've always been a fan. I hope in some strange way I can make up or go easier on myself for not being able to share in the joy of seeing him live that so many have expressed here. How do I let myself be okay with that and still enjoy him? Does it make me less of a fan because I never saw him in concert? I thought Prince would be with us well into his golden years. Sadly, that isn't so. I shouldn't of taken him for granted. I take each day as it comes. Some days are better then others. Some days I feel more productive then others. Some days I feel frozen. I experience a myraid of emotions. I constantly feel on the verge of having a major breakdown. Yes, I am type of fan. His music soothes me and helps me hold it together. Any thoughts or suggestions would be helpful. I'm so glad I joined this community.

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Reply #71 posted 05/08/16 5:48pm

RiotPaisley

It just comes. I can't stop crying.
Surprise, surprise.
Another treat. Another trick.
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Reply #72 posted 05/10/16 8:42am

DoItAllNight4U

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purplestainedtears said:

I feel your pain. I discovered this forum literally a week before the news broke of Prince's passing. I I regret never being able to see Prince live. I've always been a fan. I hope in some strange way I can make up or go easier on myself for not being able to share in the joy of seeing him live that so many have expressed here. How do I let myself be okay with that and still enjoy him? Does it make me less of a fan because I never saw him in concert? I thought Prince would be with us well into his golden years. Sadly, that isn't so. I shouldn't of taken him for granted. I take each day as it comes. Some days are better then others. Some days I feel more productive then others. Some days I feel frozen. I experience a myraid of emotions. I constantly feel on the verge of having a major breakdown. Yes, I am type of fan. His music soothes me and helps me hold it together. Any thoughts or suggestions would be helpful. I'm so glad I joined this community.

I've been a fan for 6 years and I had promised myself this year that I would go see him if he ever came to Texas but he never did. I think he came to Austin in 2014 but I was taking a break from him during that time. So in the end, I never got to see him live either. I feel so heartbroken about that honestly. Most of the longtime fans have seen him live at least once but I'm a 90's baby and didn't know who Prince was till I was 9 and didn't become a fan till I was 11. Most of it is not my fault, but I still feel really bad for how things turned out. I'll be regretting this for the rest of my life.

"I was here in the beginning and I'll be here forever more"
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