It's cold in here and i have the flu. This is now work. It's not what i want to do. I have heard my words used on the tv here in political mouths. I want them in my mouth if it has to do with politics. Stop manipulating me. I have fulfilled my mission here. I don't have to play this silly game. I don't need it. With this and the other i don't have anytime to recover from the emotional outpouring. That was one of the games the alcoholic ex corporal played, keep me destabilized and i can't think clearly and get out of this as soon as possible. Are U clear, i'm not working 7 days a week. Loafing about sitting doing nothing like i should have done when i had the children and never got the chance to so lets have her womb fall out then aye? Back and forth on the bus to get paperwork sorted. I didn't have one piece of identity, a paid utility bill so it's back on the manky bus tomorrow again to pay for and lodge the application. Then i have to catch another bus to the supermarket that has the only gluten free food that has some flavor. Oh and the swollen glands don't half give me the pip too. Is that the mould i wonder, 5 years of this has got to have had an effect. So with all of this i don't have much to give here. I rang another number it didn't answer. I don't cope well with constant engaged signals or doesn't answer. I get anxiety it makes me feel unworthy. I am after all just an old nobody. I didn't have any aspirations here. I just wanted to say thanks and then to become a useful source for the pricks here to steel stuff off. No. So until i find a better way, this won't be happening as frequently. I don't know when it will. I won't plan anything. When i find another way to i'll resume the raves otherwise i'll leave it until they fuckwits here piss off and leave me alone. I want to leave to go and see my brother in uk. I have to see him it's been 50 years. He was overseas with his wife and children serving in Cyprus when we left for here. I'm struggling obviously by the cold i'm fighting off. The time and calendar that so freaks his highness out is now being applied to me and it's not on. Stop it. Why should i believe this is true? U get the drift. I am not some stupid half wit female besotted much, much. Don't let that go to Ur head toots. The world turns as the little bit of text said. My emotions are like a yoyo. Could be the Moon. Could be the influence of the music too. Mozart really breaks the spell. He keeps me very grounded, no wafting off into revery. My son started an arguement with me for asking for his help, oh, not because i asked but because i wouldn't let him off. His father did the same act everytime i asked for his help to. It's makes a woman leave u alone. Yup, i left him right alone, 14 years of his shit fixed it. Grind u say, yeah right. Like are u suggesting this 63 years have been a doddle? Obviously not a woman suggesting that. I've been expected to survive on the Love my parents put into me. I've run out. I was supposed to have that replaced by a Loving man, no, not that way. I wasn't expecting anything i got nothing. I got God. Above and beyond so what's the attraction here then? Just the constantly empty page, no, paper, no, trees killed. Freedom i thought, guess i was over confident. So, until i find a better way of doing this it's when i feel they are not monitoring. I don't like it here i want to leave as soon as possible if not sooner. Death is very welcome if that is not to be. I don't have any illusions or dreams. Why just to have this fucked up world destroy them, no thanks. I have the music i can get by with that. To u all in deep gratitude for this grant Infinite and eternal peace, joy and Love, take care God Bless and Be Well.xxxxx