I breath in and he is there. Anytime i recall how it made me feel about my own ability when i got him right where i wanted him, playing constantly inside my head. Thank U God,mmm Love Ya! I've got a bad case of it whatever they call it, it took a while but i think it's terminal. I'm Loving this new album of Bill Withers i got, oh my goodness how smooth and how cool. What a band of master musicians, i'm sure i can hear Prince in there. Well on one song oh, crap it's gone for the moment i may just have to fluff a bit while my brain gets it back, it's a beauty. I got Gurrumul today too. That's how i found out about all my mobile pre paid credit being gobbled up because the data roaming was on for 49 hours they the 1st tier Carriage Service Enterprize tech staff told me. After i had had a spruke about how good it felt to have them by the short and curlys because i had rolled over the credit enough so i wouldn't have to be so conscious of how much each mobile call was costing. I am an ex Post Master Generals department trained telephonist the first thing i don't want is to feel constrained in my ability to communicate. I don't want to be conscious that time is money. I have taken steps to allow me to dismiss the cost of it from my concerns when i'm using the only device i have to interface with the outside world, beside here. It's not an accident, i'm a very fragile old woman will a cast iron will and as such quite brittle except the backbone. Fragile i found out today. After days of paying for the indulgence in corn chips with flavoring containing wheat, i must have put some strain on it and i blew a gasket, not much my son said just like a blood nose, well ok but lower. Fissure he said no biggy, oh i know that, it's a side effect of the irritation gluten causes scouring the intestinal tract. It felt like gravel covered nuggets, very, very uncomfortable not to mention painful and now add in CHILLI! It was like passing molten lava. Well there's no sugar coating that one. U know what i love about being 64 this ability to be so downright down to earth and open about the vicissitudes of learning to enjoy the most exciting time in my life and the best is yet to come i believe, hello, there it is, no, Bill the best isn't behind someone like me, it's in front. I've only just learned the ropes. I saw that flash. The whole screen flicked and there again it went into a different shape. Just advising this is happening to u on my end. That was what i wanted to remember about the song i really like off the new album. My emotions are on a knife edge, it's looking like it could be another week before i get to the city. I'm on the verge of tears all the time because i can't get anywhere here about getting away. I cried today about this phone thing while i was on the phone to Sheila from the telco. I could be more sociable i guess i just don't have the time to waste when i know i'd have to explain my attitudes because they could be radical to some. Like how do i train primary school students basic, manual, double entry bookkeeping* so that like me if they choose they can set up their own businesses for their own children like i wanted to do. It's like that pipeline plan, so simple a concept that it must be impossible because i thought of it and of course it won't work. That leaves a labor shortage for industrialists, aaw poor dears, i don't think. It's such an inbred top 1% of the 1st world toffs they haven't got any ideas. My dearest let the future unfold as it will, u know we can't do anything about it anyway. I could pull a Rune, a Medicine card or such but it's only an indication of what might happen if the planets align. Then again i wouldn't have a clue since i've had a brain altering, kick in the head by a half a ton animal with a root on her mind. Well all she had to do was say as if i would have wanted to stop her. I didn't know and why would that stupid dead now, station manager make her work when she was in that state that jerkwad. Speak ill of the dead that molested me several times, yeah right. I got a really bad feeling a being raped by a flag pole the other day too, i wonder what that was about. Very weird. I have to keep it in mind this is a global thing. I want to make good use of it for learning about life from one point of view, an ageing female with imagination. *I'm getting a flash that it could 'format' the brain for them. God this had better not be done down. I spent a year in accounts receivable and payable, i had good foundations laid. My son and KJG are at me to write a book, i asked 'what about?' KJG, 'Anything.' These are the only two people with input in my life. I may have overlooked one but until she/he gets over her need to establish the new chest she/he has had done and wants to see that now she is a 'he' to all the world and keeps changing her/his status on the mug book to see it in writing then sends hundreds it seems to see it say 'he'. How do i tell her/him to calm down it takes time for her/him to adjust and has to give others the same time as she/he wants. I'm bogged down with my own crap over the children i haven't the time for more emotional stuff that i haven't any understanding of. The need is so great she is forgetting to be considerate of how much time it takes to let her debrief about her family and the lack of acceptance. It happens to us all. Didn't that journey start with her own non-acceptance of herself? I can't get my own life together and i'm too tired to stay up to all hours of the night hearing the same stuff over again and again, it's a broken record. Perks of over 60s, really life is too short now to be taking on more that i can't hope to fix. I'm hetro i want a man, i can't understand why or anything else about her plight. I've given her hours to talk and explain it, i don't want to give her the impression she's got a snowflakes chance in hell with me. I haven't the emotional strength for that. Not to mention i'm not that enamoured of females. Never have been. Humans that happen to be female that's ok. The other vapid sort, no, thanks. Lovely photo of the girls in Montreal, it looks warm. They'd be anything but vapid. I just got told that's it, i'm not pushing it. It's been pleasant when i wasn't expecting it would be to sit here for a while, lucky as or is it the luke warm water bottle i'm sitting on? Ah, where's there's a way i will find it. 'If i had a chance 2 see the future,' i can and i do and i ignore it anyway. The point being, it's mutable, we effect it daily, we change it daily by actions we take or don't take. We will be judged by God on how we handle conflict. Me i'd go in and tear strips off them verbally at the United Nations, as if i represent the Earth Planet Itself. I don't have to rehearse it, I leave that to God, He'll give me the words when i need them, He always does. I gave Him carte blanche with my life long ago. It flashed again this screen. I'm off for now just to avoid the crap. To u all in deep gratitude for this grant Infinite and eternal peace, joy and Love, take care, God Bless and Be Well.xxxxx