A new religion

I borrowed this from members of another website. It was too precious to not share:

Founder: Lets say I start a new religion, I'll even call it the "The Stay Puff Marshmallow Church of Jesus Christ of Toasted Treats". Now in my church, tSPMCoJCoTT, I believe in the Jesus Christ of the NT. But I believe that the NT has lost his true teachings, and also that he returned to earth sometime in the 20th century and played a role in a movie and a couple of cartoons as the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man. I am the only one that is allowed to speak for him, so unfortunately the rest of the world of "Christians" are living with only a little truth.

Potential member: Yum! Do they allow gays, and if so, where can I go for baptism? How much of my income do I have to turn over?

Founder: Of course! Guess I'll have to draft up an "Articles of Faith and Yummies".

You have to give ten percent of your tasty treats to the church.

In the best level of heaven there are not floating clouds with angels with harps, but instead they are fluffy pillows of marshmallows with graham cracker shaped harps, and it rains chocolate.

Oh, and I forgot to add that the Stay Puff Marshmallow Jesus Christ does not have the power to save you, he has just made it possible for us to work our way up.

And we do not worship him, we worship the father, whom is a tangible peanut butter cup treat, in the name of the marshmallow.

And I know it is true, because SPMJC is the head of our church and our church name includes his name.

But don’t call me a Christian!! And please, leave your false church and come over to my church. If you go to a church that only uses the Bible and not Ghost Busters I you are not getting the entire fullness of the gospel!! (Ghost Busters II is not canon and was just an opinion.)

We have a statue of him in our temple visitors center:



Potential member: As long as I would be getting in "on the ground floor" so to speak, I demand to be made Prefect of the Holy Office of Universal Puff Marshmallow devotees, together with my 22 lb. cat Claudius, and we shall insure strict orthodoxy to the faith. I am currently translating some ancient Pyramid Texts, which seem to indicate our holy faith was practiced on the banks of the Nile--in strict seclusion--in the basement of the Temple of Amon-Ra in Luxor--in 40,000 BC

Oppsoser: I'm sorry, but yours is a fallen, apostate church -- everyone knows that the true, correct spelling is
Stay-Pufft!!!

Founder: Please understand that this little item was lost in translation somewhere along the way. We are the only ones that can speak directly for SPMJC, therefore our words are more important then any scripture.

Of course, I will allow the Prefect of the Holy Office of Universal Puff Marshmallow devotees go into more detail on the puff/puft/pufft issue. I am short on time with many ho-ho's to pray to and then gobble down.

My question: Does tSPMCofJCofTT have temples? If so, what happens in the temples?

Also, what is the requirement for one become a SPM Christian?

(Not answered yet)


Who wants to join this church!?

Didn't mean for the mean red face edit
[This message was edited Mon Nov 24 22:51:37 PST 2003 by Janfriend]

Janfriend said:

Who wants to join this church!?

andyf said:

Janfriend said:

Who wants to join this church!?

I wouldn't mind. I don't have to make donations though, do I?

Apparently a sect leader in the States told a woman when Christ would return. She gave up her house etc. to him, natch. When the allotted date did not herald the Prince of Peace, she simply sued him and got the estate back. Something like that.

So I follow a DJ in England and say:

"Does that mean I can ask for the change I put in the plate back?"

Keep taking the marshmallows, Janf.

andy

Janfriend said:

andyf said:

Janfriend said:

andyf said:

Janfriend said:

You're required to give 10% of you tasty treats to the church. That's your donation

I am in debt re: tasty treats. Will your church then give me 10%? If I can get myself together in da future, then maybe the favour will be returned. Just maybe tho', no promises...


andypandymellowmallow

well, maybe we can give you a donation to help you out and other members in need, but the church really can't function without the tithing of your tasty treats. We do keep a list of who's tithing and who's not. After a year of no tithing, there will be a trial to determine if you're a worthy Stay Puff Marshmellow Christian. You could possibly be excommunicated