One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by a shaken little voice saying, "The big sissy."
A Texas Aggie climatology student went to his science professor and asked him if it was going to be a cold winter. "Yes," said the professor, although he really didn't know if it was going to be cold or not. "Tell the students to gather some firewood". Then the professor called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the winter going to be cold?" He was told that yes, it was going to be a cold winter.
So he told his students to gather even more firewood.
Then he called the National Weather Service back and asked, "Is it going to be a VERY cold winter?" He was told yes - it's going to be a VERY cold winter.
So he told his students to gather still more firewood.
He then calls the National Weather Service and asks, "Are you absolutely sure this is going to be a very cold winter?"
"We sure are," said the man at the National Weather Service. "The Texas Aggies are gathering firewood like crazy!"
There's a guy in a bar, well on his way to shitfaced. As he nurses his 8th beer, he's watching another man in the bar. The other man goes up to a blonde and says, "Tickle your ass with a feather?" She looks aghast and he points outside, saying, "Typical nasty weather." Then the man approaches a lovely brunette and says, "Tickle your ass with a feather?" She looks like she's about to deck him and he points outside and says, "Typical nasty weather." He beats a hasty retreat and sits down next to the drunk.
The drunk turns to him and says, "Why do you talk to women like this?" The man says, "Oh! This is the perfect pick up line. You say, 'Tickle your ass with a feather?' and if the woman looks angry, you point outside and say, 'Typical nasty weather' and leave her alone. If she doesn't look angry, then you are all set. Here watch."
The man gets up and walks up to a red head and says, "Tickle your ass with a feather?". She responds with a truly wicked grin and whispers something in his ear and they leave the bar together.
The drunk, impressed, decides to give this a try. He staggers up to a woman and says, "Stick a feather up your ass?" and she slaps him hard. He responds, "What's the matter? It's a fucking hurricane outside."