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Reply #120 posted 08/05/17 9:20am

Ace

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RodeoSchro said:

This was supposed to be The Summer of Kurt Russell, with a side helping of Chris Penn. However, I just watched my second Mel Gibson Redemption Tour movie of the summer, which is one more than I have watched from the afore-mentioned Messrs. Russell and Penn. Could this actually be The Summer of Mel Gibson? I doubt it, and at least it isn't:





We watched "Get the Gringo" last night. We were supposed to watch it the night before, but a poker game got in the way. A minor kerfuffle erupted when I insisted that we all bet in order so as to not get confused. However, the other poker players were amateurs and did not realize that doing things like betting out of order, or playing a card when it wasn't their turn; or folding before the bet even gets to their hand, would get them shot in Las Vegas. Actually, I was tempted to shoot a couple people right then and there, but I decided a Second Amendment remedy was not in order.

So we put off "Get the Gringo" until last night, and we had a full compliment of guests alive to enjoy it.

I chose "Get the Gringo" for two reasons: Everyone seemed to be in the mood to watch Mel Gibson; and, "Get the Gringo" is the only movie available on NetFlix even remotely worth watching. How does NetFlix stay in business?

Seriously - all they have available are stupid teen movies from the '80's; the least-popular seasons of middling TV sitcoms; and Hitler documentaries. Man, do they have a lot of Hitler documentaries! But recent good movies, or classically good movies, or just good old fun movies? Not so much. Go ahead - sign onto NetFlix and search for any Arnold or Stallone or Bruce Willis movie, and you'll only get "Kindergarten Cop" or "Throw Momma From The Train". Oh sure, you can ORDER good movies but who waits a day or two nowadays for DVDs? I mean, you might as well be making your phone calls from pay phone booths or something.

So we were stuck with "Get the Gringo".

The movie begins with two clowns being chased by the police along the Texas-Mexico border. With a guest appearance by the Trump Wall! Clown #2 takes a bullet to the brain, thus losing his jocularity. Clown #1 drives like a maniac but can't elude the po-po. There's a mound of dirt along part of the Trump Wall (which is actually just sheet metal), so Clown #1 decides to do his best Joey Chitwood imitation and barrell-roll over the wall into Mexico, where freedom awaits!

Two problems: (1) Clown #1 fails to execute a complete Joey Chitwood-style barrell-roll, only getting as far as an Immelman Manuever but since he's in a car and not an airplane, this means he ends up on the Mexican side but on his roof; and (2) the Mexican police were parallelling the chase on their side of the Trump Wall, and immediately arrest both the alive Clown #1 and the dead Clown #2. The Texas police insist that all clowns belong to them, as the robbery they committed occurred on the American side of the Trump Wall. But the Mexicans see several duffle bags of cash and invoke a point of parlimentary procedure - namely, the Finders Keepers, Losers Weepers Initiative of 1963. They take possession of all clowns and clown-related contraband.

Both clowns are put in a Mexican police truck. One of the clowns is Mel Gibson. Guess which one?

If you guessed dead Clown #2, then you really have no business watching movies. Or probably playing poker in Las Vegas either, where despite my best efforts (SEE ABOVE) you would be sure to be shot for splitting kings at the blackjack table.

Mel Gibson is never tried in a court of law; instead, they just throw him in jail. They make up some charge, which allows the two Mexican police officers to keep Mel's loot. They immediately blow a lot of it on cars, hookers and blow.

Mel is in some kind of holding cell, where he naturally gets in a fight and then gets pummelled, seeing as how he is the only gringo in a jail full of 1,000 inmates. Then he and all the other prisoners get transferred to the main prison, which is a self-contained small town populated by both prisoners and their families. Mexican penal philosophy differs from ours in many ways.

Some ten-year-old kid introduces himself to Gibson by asking for, and then receiving, a cigarette. He tells Gibson that he is "special". Gibson takes this to mean that not many ten-year-old kids can smoke like he can, but what it really means is that the kid's liver is a match for that of the Boss Of The Prison, who has liver disease. To make matters worse, the kid's father had also been a match but when the original liver of The Boss Of The Prison failed, The Boss Of The Prison took the liver out of the kid's father. Seeing as how there was no replacement liver for the kid's father, he died. The kid naturally swears vengence. Mel Gibson naturally swears to help him. Awesome!

Gibson makes a couple of smooth moves, including dragging some dude off the toilet, bouncing his head off the commode to render him unconscious, and then stealing his gun and money. Because Mel did all this from outside the stall, the dude has no idea who conked him.

Then Mel robs all the cash from the Heroin Hut, which is where everyone goes to get some heroin. He creates a diversion by blowing up an ancillary building and while everyone runs around screaming he enriches himself, thus proving once again that the There's Always Money In The Banana Stand Theorem is scientific fact.

Now Mel has money and a gun. All he needs is a good woman! He finds a woman by hanging out in a small space just outside the good side of the prison. The good side is separated by an iron fence and on the good side, The Boss Of The Prison and all his buddies live like kings. Well - they live like kings of a slum, but still - they are kings. A woman, presumably a hooker, leaves the party and goes to Gibson's hidey hole. She doesn't know Mel is there until he blows some cigarette smoke in her direction. As a reward, she socks him in the jaw and then leaves.

But it turns out she is NOT a hooker. She is the special kid's mom! Mel finds this out when he goes to the special kid's prison home and smokes cigarettes with everyone there. There's a lot of smoking in this movie.

Remember those Mexican cops who stole Mel's loot? They are having a great time until some of Mel's criminal buddies find them. They understandably want all the loot back. After capturing and torturing the Mexican cops, they set up a video call with their crime boss. It turns out Mel and Clown #2 stole about $4 million, but the cops only found $2 million of it. And they spent $300K on cars, hookers and blow. No one believes the Mexican cops when they tell this to Mel's buddies, who finally get tired of their begging and blow them away.

For some reason that I forget, Mel hooks up with The Boss Of The Prison and tells him, "Hey man, you have a problem and I don't mean your upcoming liver failure. My boss is sure you have the rest of the money I stole and he's coming after you. But if you give me a car, some guns, and some money, and get me out of here, I will go to Los Angeles and kill him". Deal!

Gibson gets a Yugo, some old pistols and two grenades, and $20. Plus a new shirt and apparently a suit, which is good because in Mexican prisons you don't get a prison uniform. You have to wear whatever you were arrested in and the only way to ever clean your one set of clothes is to take a shower in them. Like I said, the Mexican penal philosophy is different than ours.

Mel pulls a pretty good double-blind trick by calling various people and pretending to be Clint Eastwood, and wanting a meeting with everyone at some agent's office. This includes his crime boss. Everyone falls for it.

The next morning Gibson gets to the meeting first. He ties up the agent and places him safely in the bathroom. Then his boss shows up with his own agent, and Mel terminates them with extreme predjudice, i.e. he hand-grenaded them.

Now, you would think that with all his problems solved Mel would hit the road, right? Wrong! He goes back to the prison, because The Boss Of The Prison is about to undertake liver transplant #2. Liver transplant #2 involves The Boss Of The Prison and the special kid. Much like a WWE Chain Saw Match, only one participant is going to survive. And it won't be Mel's smoking partner.

To make matters worse, the Mexican government has just then decided to shut that prison down and transfer everyone to somewhere else. Therefore, mass confusion is already occurring when Gibson shows up. He uses that confusion to his advantage to stop liver transplant #2, kill The Boss Of The Prison, also kill other associates of his who have somehow shown up - no wait, he did that earlier. That's why the Mexican government is closing the prison.

Anyway, Gibson kills everyone that needs killing, and spirits the kid and his mom out of Dodge. They go directly to a junkyard which contains 750 Volkswagen Doodle Bugs, and the remains of Mel's Clown Getaway Car. Gibson uses the blow torch that he always carries with him, cuts away some panels, and recovers the remaining $2 million that no one had found. Then he, the kid, and the kid's mom retire to a secluded beach. By this time Mel has introduced the kid to nicotine gum, which endears the mom to him.

You will want to take a shower after watching this movie. Mainly because EVERYONE is sweaty all the time. As a guy who takes a minimum of two showers a day, and sometimes as many as four showers in a day, I have resolved never to be arrested in Mexico and sent to one of their sweaty prisons.

So I will rate "Get the Gringo" as 1 1/2 Daily Showers out of a possible maximum of Four Daily Showers. It's not bad but if you want to watch one of the Mel Gibson Redemption Tour Movies, you're better off watching "Blood Father".


lol

"Only his writing was calm. His writing which - in more ways than one - had saved his life."
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Reply #121 posted 08/05/17 9:27am

RodeoSchro

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sexton said:

RodeoSchro said:




See, this is what I mean about this movie. I respect your position on this but nowhere did you compliment anything about the movie itself - the story, or plot, or acting. Everything you complimented are things I would list as minor components to a movie; at least, certainly not as important as story, plot and acting.


Story, plot and acting were all top notch too.



I think it's telling that you didn't mention those important things until I brought up their lack of a mention.

I still maintain this movie is just a documentary on steroids. It's a spectacle, but for me it's not a good film.

Second Funkiest White Man in America

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Reply #122 posted 08/05/17 9:58am

Ace

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2045RadicalMattZ said:

^the "CHIPS" thing just boils down to star billing. Either way it's just lazy which is probably right up there with the writing (*something tells me this"movie"is aPOS).... Still. ..at this rate, I'm looking forward to CHARLES IN CHARGE:THE FILM REBOOT (*for the CHARLES IN CHARGE UNIVERSE) then of course, it's PUNKY BREWSTER:THE MOVIE. ..featuring alternate reality punky with 36G knockers and numerous unnecessary topless scenes (*also to get past the age thing she's cast as an undergraduate 18year old caretaker in a role reversal four a hostile belligerent senile old man) Can't wait for the 3-D treatment


lol

"Only his writing was calm. His writing which - in more ways than one - had saved his life."
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Reply #123 posted 08/05/17 10:16am

Ace

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Just saw this for the first time. I really enjoyed it! Thankfully, I saw the original, black-and-white version (it's also out there in color and doesn't look nearly as cool that way).


As you can see from the image above, they're currently doing a campaign to urgently restore the film. From their Kickstarter page:

As of last year, there was only one fine-grain, black-and-white master archival print (of the film) left, and unfortunately, while being screened at a cinema in Los Angeles, this precious but aging, fragile print was accidentally damaged during projection to the extent that moments of the first and fifth reel were virtually shredded.

Without this time-proof archive of the film, not only can we not reproduce In the Soup in the way it was meant to be seen - it could be lost forever.

Because of the rarity of the Kodak black-and-white stock with which it was made, this process of restoration requires the epitome of expert attention and high-tech equipment at labs around the world.

"Only his writing was calm. His writing which - in more ways than one - had saved his life."
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Reply #124 posted 08/05/17 12:52pm

peedub

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2045RadicalMattZ said:

damosuzuki said:

war for the planet of the apes 4.5/5 i guess i'm a bit of an outlier here, in that i feel that each film in this series has improved on the previous one. keeping in mind that this is a movie about talking chimps riding horses, i thought with was a remarkable & a genuinely touching, moving film. after it was over, i kept thinking of words like soulful and elegaic to describe it. as far as big budget large scale films go, i really think this is about as good as these things get.


[Edited 8/4/17 19:34pm]


Preach! Preach!



It really WAS fantastic. ..IN SPITE of 'Bad Ape'(jar jar binks)



There was no war... where's the war?!
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Reply #125 posted 08/05/17 3:11pm

Ugot2shakesumt
hin

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RodeoSchro said:



sexton said:




RodeoSchro said:






See, this is what I mean about this movie. I respect your position on this but nowhere did you compliment anything about the movie itself - the story, or plot, or acting. Everything you complimented are things I would list as minor components to a movie; at least, certainly not as important as story, plot and acting.




Story, plot and acting were all top notch too.





I think it's telling that you didn't mention those important things until I brought up their lack of a mention.

I still maintain this movie is just a documentary on steroids. It's a spectacle, but for me it's not a good film.



Not everything is for everyone, and that’s just fine. There is nothing wrong with not liking it. I love going to museums and love documentaries but can only enjoy them with certain friends. A lot of my friends find them boring. That’s cool. And that reminds me of your take on this. It is from a director who is very pretentious I admit and the film is extremely well crafted. It’s dry and I can see why it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.

But it isn’t in the “Arrival” pseudo intellectual kind of dumb that caters to the middling.
Facebook is for losers.
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Reply #126 posted 08/05/17 7:14pm

damosuzuki

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quiet city (2007) - 2/5 woman visiting new york city can't track down the friend she's supposed to stay with, so she spends a few days hanging out with some guy she meets in the subway. likable people, certainly, and there were a few enjoyable moments here and there, but i was ultimately bored and generally felt solidly indifferent to this thankfully short bit of mumblecore.

29city600.jpg

[Edited 8/5/17 19:15pm]

"Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could do only a little."

http://www.thelifeyoucansave.com/
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Reply #127 posted 08/06/17 9:42am

RodeoSchro

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Sharknado marathon just started onthe ScyFy channel, leading up to "Sharknado 5 - Global Swarming" at 8 PM EST.

Mods, feel free to sticky this now.

Second Funkiest White Man in America

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Reply #128 posted 08/06/17 12:48pm

Ace

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RodeoSchro said:

Sharknado marathon just started onthe ScyFy channel, leading up to "Sharknado 5 - Global Swarming" at 8 PM EST.

Mods, feel free to sticky this now.


lol

"Only his writing was calm. His writing which - in more ways than one - had saved his life."
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Reply #129 posted 08/06/17 1:06pm

RodeoSchro

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Ace said:

RodeoSchro said:

Sharknado marathon just started onthe ScyFy channel, leading up to "Sharknado 5 - Global Swarming" at 8 PM EST.

Mods, feel free to sticky this now.


lol



Watching "Sharknado 3 - Oh Hell No!" right now. Mark Cuban isi playing the President. They'd originally offered the role to Donald Trump, but he pulled out because he was pretty sure he was going to be running for president. But when they announced the roled had gone to Cuban, Trump threatened to sue. falloff

Second Funkiest White Man in America

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Reply #130 posted 08/06/17 3:41pm

damosuzuki

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the red turtle 5/5 shipwrecked man is prevented from leaving the island he's stranded on by a turtle. a uniquely beautiful movie in look and story. a one of a kind, meditative film, i think it was a truly great achievement.

2121.jpg

[Edited 8/9/17 20:57pm]

"Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could do only a little."

http://www.thelifeyoucansave.com/
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Reply #131 posted 08/06/17 5:24pm

RodeoSchro

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I'm gonna liveblog "Sharknado 5 - Global Swarming" - until my wife catches me and says "WTH ARE YOU DOING?!?!"

It starts with that girl who was too covered-up a couple movies ago - Nova is her name - finding hierglyphics of ancient sharks. She needs Fin.

Fin and his family are busy meeting Chris Kataan at MI6 HQ. Remember Chris Kataan? He used to be funny.

Fin gets an emergency call from Nova - they have to meet at Stonehenge! Fin is immediately helicoptered there. Apparently Stonehenge is built over a cave. "Have you done this before?" Fin is asked, just before repelling 600 feet into a cave. "I've done everything before" he says. YEAH!

Meanwhile, his wife and son are in James Bonds's factory, where now they make weapons to kill sharks. Fin's son - who you will hate as much as I do - gets a helmet with a shark's fin on it.

Back to the hierglyphics.

The Shark God jewel-thingy is in the cave underneath Stonehenge. They must get it, or kill it, or something, in order to stop the Sharknados that have been happening for centuries. Now they are taking off on "Raiders of the Lost Ark". "Sharks. Why does it always have to be sharks?" Fin turns down the chance to wear Indiana Jones's hat. "Not my style".

They steal the magic fin, and then recreate the escape scene from ROTLA. Excepth with water and sharks. Oh - and Stonehenge falls apart. Sad! So far, this is underwhelming.

"We've started World War Shark!" Yes, you have! Time for some D-list celebrites to get eaten. "Same shark, different day". Let's see some chomping!

London is under a Level 10 Sharknado warning. People who are famous in Great Britain, but who I have no idea who they are, do stuff. I forgot, but Tara Reid now has super strength, and she catches Fin's out-of-control helicopter. "London Bridge is falling down!"

Man, this is bad. Not like so-bad-it's-good, just bad-bad. Not funny. I do not forsee me live-blogging much longer.

Bret Michaels gets run over by a bus. I wouldn't have known it was Bret Michaels except Nova says "Oh my God, I just ran over Bret Michaels!" But Bret Michaels is, unfortunately, alive and plays his guitar while stuck to the front of the bus. It's not funny.

Tara Reid flys off via her Boots of Flying and tries to stop a ferris wheel from demolishing Big Ben. Meanwhile, the sharknado is heading toward Buckingham Palace, where all exits are blocked by sharks. Tara Reid is unsuccessful saving Big Ben, even though she can fly AND has super strength.

Why am I doing this? Why did THEY do this? Ugh, this is bad.

Fin's son gets sucked up into the sharknado, but he's wearing a hat with a fin so he should blend in.

Speaking of Fin, he rides a shark through the Palace, ending up at some blonde's feet, where he pulls the crown out of a shark and hands it to her. Man, I don't know who that lady is but she looks BAD. She's got 100 gallons of Botox in her face - most of it in her lips. Yuck.

Commercial time, with a bonus feature - BARKnado. Two dogs. OK, that's it. I'm out.

The Sharknado franchise has officially jumped the shark.

.

[Edited 8/6/17 17:29pm]

Second Funkiest White Man in America

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Reply #132 posted 08/06/17 6:21pm

Ace

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RodeoSchro said:

Ace said:


lol



Watching "Sharknado 3 - Oh Hell No!" right now. Mark Cuban isi playing the President. They'd originally offered the role to Donald Trump, but he pulled out because he was pretty sure he was going to be running for president. But when they announced the roled had gone to Cuban, Trump threatened to sue. falloff


falloff

"Only his writing was calm. His writing which - in more ways than one - had saved his life."
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Reply #133 posted 08/07/17 6:46am

2045RadicalMat
tZ

RodeoSchro said:

Fin and his family are busy meeting Chris Kataan at MI6 HQ. Remember Chris Kataan? He used to be funny.




Whoa whoa WHOA!

see...this is where you lost all credibility, i can't even read the rest!
[b][Edited 8/7/17 6:48am]

"Damn Dolores, pick another subject, please...introduce the carpet to something other than your knees...."
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Reply #134 posted 08/07/17 7:18am

RodeoSchro

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2045RadicalMattZ said:

RodeoSchro said:

Fin and his family are busy meeting Chris Kataan at MI6 HQ. Remember Chris Kataan? He used to be funny.

Whoa whoa WHOA! see...this is where you lost all credibility, i can't even read the rest! [b][Edited 8/7/17 6:48am]



falloff OK, I will admit Kataan was probably the best part of a really bad, crappy and stupid movie!

And you made a good decision not to read the rest. As great a writer as I am, there is no way I could write anything about "Sharknado 5" that would bring a chuckle. It's truly a chuckle-less movie. And you know what the worst part is?

It ended in a "cliffhanger" and said "To be continued". Z. O. M. G. there is going to be a "Sharknado 6". The world does not need this. If I told you how S5 ended, you'd probably throw up.

Second Funkiest White Man in America

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Reply #135 posted 08/07/17 9:55am

2045RadicalMat
tZ

RodeoSchro said:

2045RadicalMattZ said:

RodeoSchro said: Whoa whoa WHOA! see...this is where you lost all credibility, i can't even read the rest! [b][Edited 8/7/17 6:48am]



falloff OK, I will admit Kataan was probably the best part of a really bad, crappy and stupid movie!

And you made a good decision not to read the rest. As great a writer as I am, there is no way I could write anything about "Sharknado 5" that would bring a chuckle. It's truly a chuckle-less movie. And you know what the worst part is?

It ended in a "cliffhanger" and said "To be continued". Z. O. M. G. there is going to be a "Sharknado 6". The world does not need this. If I told you how S5 ended, you'd probably throw up.

actually, I was just trashing on Chris Kattan...

but he DID make me laugh out loud about twice in CORKY ROMANO (*I was sick and there was nothing on...I sat through it cause the girl was hot)

SNL... he pretty much sucked... that monkey act was kinda funny... only in a very low way...didn't like the Roxbury thing...that got old the 2nd time around.

I heard about the 5 headed shark and all that shit from my pal who sat through that marathon

"Damn Dolores, pick another subject, please...introduce the carpet to something other than your knees...."
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Reply #136 posted 08/07/17 10:14pm

RodeoSchro

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We just watched The Rock star vehicle "Snitch". And by "we", I mean me and my favorite mother-in-law. My wife took a business trip to Colorado, and she had to take our only car to get there (we're up in the mountains right now). Despite my numerous, numerous reminders to my favorite mother-in-law that if she didn't go with my wife to Colorado, she was stuck with me, on a mountain, with no car. But alcohol! Plenty of alcohol! So we had this conversation three hours ago:

FAVORITE MOTHER-IN-LAW ("FMIL"): Is Mrs. RodeoSchro bringing us dinner?

ME: No, she doesn't come home until tomorrow night.

FMIL: What?!?

ME: Uh...yeah. I told you that last night, Colorado is 4 hours away. You didn't think she was going to drive up there and back in one day, did you?

FMIL: We used to do that all the time! Oh well, I guess you and I have to go out for dinner.

ME: We are on the top of a mountain and we don't have a car.

FMIL: What?!?

ME: We only have one car up here and Mrs. RodeoSchro took it to Colorado.

FMIL: She went to Colorado?!?

ME: There's a pizza in the freezer. I'll heat that up.

FMIL: Pizza - good idea! Let's go get a pizza.

ME: We don't have a car.

FMIL: What?!?

ME: We're going to have pizza and then watch a movie.

FMIL: Good idea. Call the pizza place and see if they'll deliver.

ME: We're on top of a mountain. I don't think they deliver on to the top of a mountain.

FMIL: What?!?

After 20 more minutes of this conversation, I convinced her that we were going to eat pizza, drink a bottle of wine, and watch a movie. And what a movie it was!

The Rock plays a lighter version of The Rock in this. His son, however, is completely Rock-less. Son Of Rock agrees to take delivery of a drug package from a buddy of his in Egypt. Or, perhaps I only thought he was in Egypt because the online version on the movie we were watching had Egyptian subtitles. But I digress.

Naturally, Son Of Rock gets busted and because of BIG GOVERNMENT'S mandatory drug sentencing, he is facing a decade or two of hard time. His only out is if he will turn in some other drug dealers, i.e. his friends. Son Of Rock refuses to drop a dime on anyone.

So The Rock offers up himself to the federal prosecutor, played by a woman who wasn't Susan Sarandon but looked a lot like her. Not Susan Sarandon tells The Rock that if he can get a drug dealer named Malik implicated in a drug deal of a certain size, she'll reduce the Son Of Rock's sentence from 1,284 years to 6 months. The Rock agrees but since he is an upstanding construction company owner, he knows no one with a connection to Mr. Malik.

The Rock scours his job applications and finds a guy who admitted to two prior felonies for drug possession and dealing. Without telling the guy everything, The Rock ultimately buys his cooperation, and they set out to put the sting on Malik.

This leads to a grand adventure for The Rock and his employee/guy with two strikes, as they drive to Mexico or California or somewhere (curse my inability to read Egyptian subtitles!). The Rock and friend happen to show up during an ambush and survive a shoot-out, and also deliver the package to Malik.

But! For some reason I missed (again, due to my unfortunate lack of ability to read Egyptian subtitles), the DEA does not arrest Mailk when he does his drug deal with The Rock. This angers both Not Susan Sarandon and The Rock, but Not Susan Sarandon decides that if The Rock can get the next guy up the chain, she will let Son Of Rock out of the pokey. The Rock really has no choice but to agree.

Various interesting things happen, which all leads up to The Rock buying a lot of guns. The money shot!

I won't give up all the great things that happen but SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT I'm going to tell you how it ends. Because you HAVE to know.

The feds arrest all the bad guys, except the bad guys are only bit players with The Cartel. This means that The Cartel is now going to hunt down and kill The Rock, The Rock's new family, and The Rock's ex-wife, as well as Son Of Rock. The Cartel is also going to hunt down and kill The Rock's employee and HIS family.

The Rock decides to put his new family in Witness Protection. However, The Rock's ex-wife and newly-sprung-from-prison Son Of Rock are NOT put in Witness Protection. This makes no sense, as The Cartel had just tried to kill Son Of Rock in prison. Furthermore, The Rock's employee decides to not take Witness Protection, instead figuring he and his family can "disappear". Disappearing becomes a lot easier when the DEA gives the employee a $100K reward for his part in all this (said part included killing three drug dealers, including the aforementioned Malik).

The whole point of this movie was to tell us how bad mandatory drug sentences are. Because of them, thousands of druggies are locked up. Perhaps hundreds of thousands of people are in Witness Protection (I made that up). Knowing that, I glossed over all the stuff that didn't make sense at the end.

Preaching aside, this is an excellent action movie. I had to steal it off the Internet because OF COURSE NETFLIX DOESN'T HAVE IT. I hate NetFlix.

"Snitch" gets 3.5 Gut-Shot Mailks out of 5 Gut-Shot Maliks. Enjoy it drunk, like I did!

Second Funkiest White Man in America

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Reply #137 posted 08/07/17 10:48pm

Goddess4Real

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RodeoSchro said:

I'm gonna liveblog "Sharknado 5 - Global Swarming" - until my wife catches me and says "WTH ARE YOU DOING?!?!"

It starts with that girl who was too covered-up a couple movies ago - Nova is her name - finding hierglyphics of ancient sharks. She needs Fin.

Fin and his family are busy meeting Chris Kataan at MI6 HQ. Remember Chris Kataan? He used to be funny.

Fin gets an emergency call from Nova - they have to meet at Stonehenge! Fin is immediately helicoptered there. Apparently Stonehenge is built over a cave. "Have you done this before?" Fin is asked, just before repelling 600 feet into a cave. "I've done everything before" he says. YEAH!

Meanwhile, his wife and son are in James Bonds's factory, where now they make weapons to kill sharks. Fin's son - who you will hate as much as I do - gets a helmet with a shark's fin on it.

Back to the hierglyphics.

The Shark God jewel-thingy is in the cave underneath Stonehenge. They must get it, or kill it, or something, in order to stop the Sharknados that have been happening for centuries. Now they are taking off on "Raiders of the Lost Ark". "Sharks. Why does it always have to be sharks?" Fin turns down the chance to wear Indiana Jones's hat. "Not my style".

They steal the magic fin, and then recreate the escape scene from ROTLA. Excepth with water and sharks. Oh - and Stonehenge falls apart. Sad! So far, this is underwhelming.

"We've started World War Shark!" Yes, you have! Time for some D-list celebrites to get eaten. "Same shark, different day". Let's see some chomping!

London is under a Level 10 Sharknado warning. People who are famous in Great Britain, but who I have no idea who they are, do stuff. I forgot, but Tara Reid now has super strength, and she catches Fin's out-of-control helicopter. "London Bridge is falling down!"

Man, this is bad. Not like so-bad-it's-good, just bad-bad. Not funny. I do not forsee me live-blogging much longer.

Bret Michaels gets run over by a bus. I wouldn't have known it was Bret Michaels except Nova says "Oh my God, I just ran over Bret Michaels!" But Bret Michaels is, unfortunately, alive and plays his guitar while stuck to the front of the bus. It's not funny.

Tara Reid flys off via her Boots of Flying and tries to stop a ferris wheel from demolishing Big Ben. Meanwhile, the sharknado is heading toward Buckingham Palace, where all exits are blocked by sharks. Tara Reid is unsuccessful saving Big Ben, even though she can fly AND has super strength.

Why am I doing this? Why did THEY do this? Ugh, this is bad.

Fin's son gets sucked up into the sharknado, but he's wearing a hat with a fin so he should blend in.

Speaking of Fin, he rides a shark through the Palace, ending up at some blonde's feet, where he pulls the crown out of a shark and hands it to her. Man, I don't know who that lady is but she looks BAD. She's got 100 gallons of Botox in her face - most of it in her lips. Yuck.

Commercial time, with a bonus feature - BARKnado. Two dogs. OK, that's it. I'm out.

The Sharknado franchise has officially jumped the shark.

.

[Edited 8/6/17 17:29pm]

Thanks for the report thumbs up! I have just watched it and all I have to say is, sure it's a beyond silly but I really enjoy it for its stupid plots, the terrible acting, the outrageous special effects, the hit and miss celeb cameos (come on Fabio playing The Pope is pure gold nuts ).....and of course the sharks who are the real stars of this francise worship but I couldn't get over how much plastic surgery Oliva Newton John's daughter Chloe Lattanzi has had....it's like why disbelief Anyway I give Sharknado 5: Global Swarming (2017) a 3.5 out of 5 popcorn tv and I will be looking forward to Sharknado 6 next year nod

MV5BMjQ3Mzk5NzAwNV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwNDkwOTc3MjI@._V1_UX182_CR0,0,182,268_AL_.jpg

[Edited 8/7/17 22:53pm]

[Edited 8/7/17 22:55pm]

Keep Calm & Listen To Prince
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Reply #138 posted 08/09/17 7:33pm

damosuzuki

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son of saul - 4.5/5 jewish worker in auschwitz tries to give a proper burial to a child who may be his son. every bit as grim and brutal as you'd expect, but it takes a pretty unique and (i thought) very effective technique in keeping the main character quite tightly in close-up though almost the entire movie. you're often witnessing his reactions rather than viewing atrocities yourself. i'm not sure i completely got all of the story elements, but that may have been by intent. chaos and confusion are part of the design.

"Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could do only a little."

http://www.thelifeyoucansave.com/
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Reply #139 posted 08/09/17 7:48pm

dance4me3121

I went and saw "Kidnap" today.it was very good! Really suspenseful and I jumped a good amount
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Reply #140 posted 08/10/17 7:47am

peedub

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jesus, this farhadi guy...these movies are as suspenseful as anything hitchcock ever did, but without the implications of violence or crime. everything hinges on the constraints of iranian muslim culture, which in itself is a wonder to behold. the power of honesty, humility, respect, community and personal responsibility in these characters' lives is what drives these stories. they're just crazy good, and so refreshing to get a glimpse of non-western sensibilities. and this guy's got style. his shit is his own, and it works so well. everything is 'fly on the wall' perspective. nothing seems acted or scripted. i cannot praise this guy and his cast and crew enough. it's been a long time since i stumbled on a new favorite...

10/10. i give asghar farhadi my highest recommendation.

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Reply #141 posted 08/10/17 10:43am

2045RadicalMat
tZ

yPV5jW

url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwiBw_Oznc3VAhUriVQKHRXeCskQjRwIBw&url=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FBabe%3A_Pig_in_the_City&psig=AFQjCNGzJrldHKAwkKWzzEWzPH9cgulWkg&ust=1502473849028763

BABE II: PIG IN THE CITY

Make no bones about it, I accidentally "discovered" how great a film the FIRST Babe was when giving it as a gag gift. (This Thai friend of mine works a tavern and would repeatedly use the expressions "there you go, babe". "Alright, babe", "Thank you, babe" etc.) I'd given it and some dark chocolate as a casual birthday gift/gag gift...but also picked a copy up for myself at TARGET (it was $4 each).... what a damn good film.

Anyways, flash forward... I'd been putting off seeing this one for almost a year; in spite of having purchased it on DVD and BLU RAY.

This weekend I saw it on the big screen at the NEW BEVERLY CINEMA in Los Angeles.

What a treat. What a sense of danger! What a sense of heart and humility!...This pig has superstar written all over him and the characters in the film address real matters, of threats, danger, ambition, cunning, loss; and show their character flaws (for the most part in this one) as almost "necessary evils" in the city.

I won't give away much, but the plot revolves around Babe returning home from his achievement as the world's greatest SHEEP PIG. Immediately we're given the situation: First of Babe's troubles is his fame. Flash forward, Babe accidentally injures "his human" (James Cromwell) by trying to help him run a plumbing line from the well. Initially I thought he'd killed the guy; but he did not.

However, this throws the farm in peril as there is no longer a master of the domain to run farm duties, and his wife is a meager bit of assistance. They soon run up bills and the bank attempts to seize the property. Enter BABE II: PIG IN THE CITY, as he and Miss Hoggett embark on a publicity appearance to earn money to save the farm.

THIS film was directed by George Miller (MAD MAX) and shows a remarkable degree of empathy, desperation, anxiety and tact all throughout. It's a relentless adventure that left me squirming with fear (I DO empathize with this pig...he means well, yet so many people are willing to try to exploit him and throw him to the wolves), at other times crying with laughter and others suffering from embarrassment (the poodle's story)... This film was supposedly quickly shot down due to it's inherent darkness,, and I'm surprised it isn't as highly regarded as I see it.... I mean... this is truly a great, great, imaginative, bold film.... as far as experiences go.... I'm putting this on immediate favorite list (which includes: AFTER HOURS (1985), TAPEHEADS, DAWN OF THE DEAD (1978), DEATH WISH 3, CITY LIGHTS (1931)

Total recommendation 10/10

Thank the pig.

[Edited 8/10/17 10:53am]

"Damn Dolores, pick another subject, please...introduce the carpet to something other than your knees...."
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Reply #142 posted 08/10/17 10:50am

RodeoSchro

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I am currently watching the 2005 Tommy Lee Jones movie "Man of the House". I thought it would be a good idea to post this now, as there is little to no chance I will make it to the end of this travesty. However, it has been worth tuning in if only to ask what is surely the most relevant and important question ever asked in a thread of this nature:

WHAT THE SAM HILL HAPPENED TO TOMMY LEE JONES?

Last I recall, he used to be an important actor. He was great in "Lonesome Dove". He was more than adequate in "No Country For Old Men". He was a cartoonish-but-cool villian in "Under Seige". He was apparently nominated for various awards in movies I've never seen. But otherwise?

Holy moley, it's just been turkey after turkey after turkey. "MAN OF THE HOUSE" NEWSFLASH - He is currently dressed as a University of Texas cheerleading coach, and just tackled a masot in the endzone. Yes, he has fallen to that.

This crapfest is every Tommy Lee Jones cliche you can imagine. He's a Texas Ranger. He's a dead shot. He's a man of few words. The few words he does say are sardonic. He's divorced. He has a daughter who hates him. He's in charge of keeping some Texas cheerleaders safe. He's living in a sorority house. He lives next to a fraternity house. He does not like either the cheerleaders or any frat guy. He met with former Texas governor/current Secretary of Energy Rick Perry (I didn't know that in addition to failing on "Dancing With The Stars", Rick Perry also failed in a movie).

I can see no possible way this movie gets any better. The very best thing you can say about this movie is that it is adequate background noise while I get some work done. In fact, my wife just walked in and has to participate in a conference call. I just found out that this movie does not suffer any if you mute the sound.

How can a guy whose done such great work in other movies pick absolute turkeys like "Man of the House" and "U.S. Marshalls" and "Rules of Engagement"? Should we blame his old college roommate, Al Gore? Is it a coincidence that many of his turkeys also have Anne Archer in them? Do Tommy Lee Jones and Anne Archer have the same crappy agent?

Honestly, I don't care. Don't watch this movie.

Second Funkiest White Man in America

P&R's paladin
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Reply #143 posted 08/10/17 10:59am

2freaky4church
1

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If you have not watch the David Mamet film Heist. Great flick.

DJ is da man
"2freaky is very down." 2Elijah.
"2freaky convinced me to join Antifa: OnlyNDA
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Reply #144 posted 08/12/17 6:01pm

Ace

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2freaky4church1 said:

If you have not watch the David Mamet film Heist. Great flick.


Thanks for the rec. I tend to llike Mamet. Ever seen his House of Games? I recall it as a very underrated film. And State and Main was a hoot.

"Only his writing was calm. His writing which - in more ways than one - had saved his life."
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Reply #145 posted 08/12/17 6:09pm

Ace

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Anyone ever seen the work of Caveh Zahedi? I loved I Am a Sex Addict and am really enjoying his current series (The Show About the Show) on YouTube.


"Only his writing was calm. His writing which - in more ways than one - had saved his life."
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Reply #146 posted 08/13/17 12:44pm

damosuzuki

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Ace said:

Anyone ever seen the work of Caveh Zahedi? I loved I Am a Sex Addict and am really enjoying his current series (The Show About the Show) on YouTube.



first i've heard of him, but i'm always looking for new things, and if it's got your approval, that's all the encouragement i need to give him a shot. i've put him on my list.

the club (2015) 3.5/5 - four disgraced priests are housed in a small town in chile where they are to atone for their assorted sins. almost reminded me of todd solonz's happiness in some vague way, certainly in that characters that have done contemptible things are portrayed pretty sympathetically, and also in that both films share a pretty dark, misanthropic viewpoint. it all ended up feeling bewildering, even a little shameful, in that the viewer feels like he's colluded with some very dark, damaged people.

the-club-2015-poster.jpg

[Edited 8/13/17 12:46pm]

"Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could do only a little."

http://www.thelifeyoucansave.com/
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Reply #147 posted 08/13/17 4:33pm

KoolEaze

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Now THAT is truly a good action film. Sure, most people have a problem with Mel Gibson, and I understand the controversy but, as far as his talent goes, he´s still a good director and can be a pretty good action star and this movie reminded me of his heyday in many ways.

When it comes to Roman Polanski, Woody Allen or Mel Gibson I try to separate between the artist and the private person, so, as far as Mel Gibson is concerned, I must admit that I really enjoy watching his movies despite some undertones that I find questionable (Apocalypto comes to mind) but , this being said, I enjoyed Blood Father a lot.

In fact I even wrote about it here on some of our previous "Rate the last movie...." threads.

.

Parts of it reminded me a little bit of the Mad Max movies because it has many desert scenes , roads and car chases in it.

Great action film but it fell a bit under the radar.

People consider Mel Gibson´s career as over but I think he was the perfect actor for this movie and the movie owes a lot of its charm to the presence of Mel Gibson, and I´m curious as to what he is going to play next.

RodeoSchro said:

Well, I have rambled on enough about what a crapfest of a movie "Dunkirk" is. I'm sure it will win multiple Academy Awards for cinematography.

Time for some good old American blood and guts! And a redemption tour while we're at it! Who else could that mean but.........

MEL GIBSON

I watched his kick-ass comeback movie "Blood Father". In it, he plays a father, and there is a LOT of blood. And unlike "Dunkirk", a plot, too!

In fact, just for fun, and just because I kind of feel like peeing on "Dunkirk" some more, let's compare the two movies in every important category:

PLOT
"Dunkirk" - Has no plot

"Blood Father" - Awesome plot! Mel Gibson is a new ex-con in AA, but his daughter is a runaway who hangs out with the wrong crowd, i.e. Sinaloa Cowboys. She is supposed to kill some girl but instead she kills her boyfriend (she thinks!) and then finds her dad to ask him for help. And help he does!

ACTORS
"Dunkirk" - a bunch of nobodies. I heard someone named Tom Hardy was in it but since I don't know who he is, so what?

"Blood Father" - Mel Gibson. If and when I become convinced he's sorry for his rampages of a few years back, he'll once again be called Mel Freaking Gibson. In fact, for purposes of this movie only, he IS Mel Freaking Gibson. Also in this movie is William H. Macy. I don't know who Tom Hardy is, but I know for a fact he isn't as good an actor as William H. Macy, because honestly who is? Finally, a cute young girl name Erin Moriarity is in this, too. And finally finally, the baddest collection of face-tattooed dudes you will EVER see!

ACTION
"Dunkirk" - Horrible action! All the good guys die! And you NEVER see a bad die guy, except for the random shooting down of a German plane. But even then, the Germans shoot down lots of Brits first. Adding to that, most of the action I saw centered around guys drowning (the worst way to go, if you ask me), and random killings of young boys (the worst thing to show, if you ask me).

"Blood Father" - Classic action! Mel Freaking Gibson is one bad mother! He takes no crap off ANYONE. Attack his trailer? He'll stab your hand and call you a punk! Try to shoot him off his motorcycle? He'll make you run headfirst into an 18-wheeler and as it's turning you into roadkill, he'll just say, "We're good. Hang on!" Kidnap his daughter and hold her in the desert? No problem - he'll bobby-trap his motorcycle to blow you to Kingdom Come, and then shoot whoever is still alive. And if you survive THAT? Again - no problem! He'll use his all-encompassing prison connections to make sure some face-tattooed guys kill you in the joint!

VEHICLES
"Dunkirk" - Some ratty old boats and a few vintage airplanes

"Blood Father" - A ratty old Chevy Nova and some boss Harley-Davidson motorcycles!

CINEMATOGRAPHY
"Dunkirk" - Very successful at making Britain look like a shithole

"Blood Father" - Very successful at making various California shitholes look like Badass, Incorporated!

SUMMARY
There is no category in which "Dunkirk" is better than "Blood Father". And more importantly - "Blood Father" is the kick-ass blood-and-guts Mel Freaking Gibson movie you've been waiting for since "Payback"!

RATING
"Dunkirk" - Poop

"Blood Father" - 14.5 face tattoos out of 15 face tattoos (which is the average number of face tattoos that the bad guys all have)

" I´d rather be a stank ass hoe because I´m not stupid. Oh my goodness! I got more drugs! I´m always funny dude...I´m hilarious! Are we gonna smoke?"




http://kooleasehvac.com/
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Reply #148 posted 08/14/17 10:53am

sexton

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RodeoSchro said:

sexton said:


Story, plot and acting were all top notch too.



I think it's telling that you didn't mention those important things until I brought up their lack of a mention.

I still maintain this movie is just a documentary on steroids. It's a spectacle, but for me it's not a good film.


You say "documentary on steroids" like that's bad.

What's telling is what would otherwise simply be a very good story is elevated to something exceptional because of those "minor components" as you call them. That's why I praised them first.

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Reply #149 posted 08/14/17 7:23pm

MoBettaBliss

get out

great film

4.5 stars

i love how they used real subject matter and just took it to the extreme... really well done

.

[Edited 8/14/17 21:31pm]

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