when you can be the first to write about who died...

YES!!! with this lil tool you can stay depressed and

be the first to make it to the org with an "OMG THEY DEAD"

post....

Yes!!! you can die vicariously thruough others er day

and surround yoself with like minded assholes (Oooops)

people...

think of it...

there's a possibility that someone's death may get y'all

to jump into a suicide pact with the rest of the 'death reporters'

AND YOU CAN BE THE ONE TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN...

GET YOURS TODAY!!!

new hobby eh?

maybe someone should start-up a business writing funny greeting card obituaries...

XxAxX said:

maybe someone should start-up a business writing funny greeting card obituaries...

sick lady...

KingBAD said:

XxAxX said:

maybe someone should start-up a business writing funny greeting card obituaries...

sick lady...

Happy birthday to you

You're getting quite old

Its sad but its true

You'll die and grow cold

So enjoy life each day

And live while you can

So when you pass on

They'll say "what a man"

He was a real gent

A whole lot of laughs

So what if he's bent?

We forgive all his gaffs

So happy birthday

Remember you're mortal

Not long for this world

And soon through the portal

Oh joyous day!

Another babe born

I send you best wishes

On this happy morn

And this just in case

Things do go awry

For not all babes live

Quite often they die

An ode to his life

May it not fade away

In sickness or strife

Or in dangerous play

May he not fall from trees

Breaking his head

And not contract fever

Winding up dead

May the priest hold him firmly

Not dropping him down

In the christening bowl

Where he'd surely drown

May he safely grow strong

Not sickly and weak

And live for some years

Not die in this week

And when his time comes

May god love him well

And rise him to heaven

Not send him to hell

Best wishes to you

And your little newborn

With cause for rejoicing

No reason to mourn

I'm writing my own obituary which, hopefully, will not be published for quite some time.

XxAxX said:

KingBAD said:

sick lady...

Happy birthday to you

You're getting quite old

Its sad but its true

You'll die and grow cold

So enjoy life each day

And live while you can

So when you pass on

They'll say "what a man"

He was a real gent

A whole lot of laughs

So what if he's bent?

We forgive all his gaffs

So happy birthday

Remember you're mortal

Not long for this world

And soon through the portal

too funny?

XxAxX said:

KingBAD said:

sick lady...

Happy birthday to you

You're getting quite old

Its sad but its true

You'll die and grow cold

So enjoy life each day

And live while you can

So when you pass on

They'll say "what a man"

He was a real gent

A whole lot of laughs

So what if he's bent?

We forgive all his gaffs

So happy birthday

Remember you're mortal

Not long for this world

And soon through the portal

that was actually pretty good

OldFriends4Sale said:

XxAxX said:

Happy birthday to you

You're getting quite old

Its sad but its true

You'll die and grow cold

So enjoy life each day

And live while you can

So when you pass on

They'll say "what a man"

He was a real gent

A whole lot of laughs

So what if he's bent?

We forgive all his gaffs

So happy birthday

Remember you're mortal

Not long for this world

And soon through the portal

that was actually pretty good

thus the 'sick lady' comment...

i mean, even i ain't that good...

XxAxX said:

Oh joyous day!

Another babe born

I send you best wishes

On this happy morn

And this just in case

Things do go awry

For not all babes live

Quite often they die

An ode to his life

May it not fade away

In sickness or strife

Or in dangerous play

May he not fall from trees

Breaking his head

And not contract fever

Winding up dead

May the priest hold him firmly

Not dropping him down

In the christening bowl

Where he'd surely drown

May he safely grow strong

Not sickly and weak

And live for some years

Not die in this week

And when his time comes

May god love him well

And rise him to heaven

Not send him to hell

Best wishes to you

And your little newborn

With cause for rejoicing

No reason to mourn

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU WOMAN???

but it best i think

that it happened this way

the babe could have live

and died the next day

in the night while you slept

you'd wake they'd be cold

and you'd feel it yo fault

that you shoulda knowed (yeah... i said 'knowed' it rhymed)

so be happy it happened

in the way that it did

it porlly woulda got killed

by yo other kid

Wedding Day

You're all grown and married to your own true love

A vision of joy under Heaven above

Two hearts intertwined in a lovers' embrace

All's right in the world, and good things in their place

Pray nothing will harm you or cause you to part

No withersome cancer or blight of the heart

Will smash you or strike you or mess with your head

Or turn out your body and break you down dead

May no fiery meteors burn down your home

Nor economy crash forcing you two to roam

In search of a meal and a dry place to sleep

Nor cause you to shiver with cold and to weep

And when you grow older all jiggely and saggy

Your now firmly youthful bits dropped down and baggy

May you remain faithful, loving and true

Not tempted to step out with someone brand new

For when you do stray and abandon true love

And knocketh your boots without wearing a glove

Your soft private bits might get twisted and sickly

And fall off your bodies all rotting and icky

So here's to you lovers this bright shiny day!

With some god-given luck you won't go out that way

And will live till tomorrow at the very least

Barring food poisoning from the wedding feast

[Edited 3/25/17 12:05pm]

Graduation

You've done it! You've made it! You've won your way out!

So fling off your robes now and give a great shout!

You're only young once and youth quickly fades

And before you know it you'll lie in your graves

Now dance while you can and give voice to your song!

Before the Grim Reaper comes reaping along!

KingBAD said:

XxAxX said:

Oh joyous day!

Another babe born

I send you best wishes

On this happy morn

And this just in case

Things do go awry

For not all babes live

Quite often they die

An ode to his life

May it not fade away

In sickness or strife

Or in dangerous play

May he not fall from trees

Breaking his head

And not contract fever

Winding up dead

May the priest hold him firmly

Not dropping him down

In the christening bowl

Where he'd surely drown

May he safely grow strong

Not sickly and weak

And live for some years

Not die in this week

And when his time comes

May god love him well

And rise him to heaven

Not send him to hell

Best wishes to you

And your little newborn

With cause for rejoicing

No reason to mourn

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU WOMAN???

but it best i think

that it happened this way

the babe could have live

and died the next day

in the night while you slept

you'd wake they'd be cold

and you'd feel it yo fault

that you shoulda knowed (yeah... i said 'knowed' it rhymed)

so be happy it happened

in the way that it did

it porlly woulda got killed

by yo other kid

nice!!!

XxAxX said:

Wedding Day

You're all grown and married to your own true love

A vision of joy under Heaven above

Two hearts intertwined in a lovers' embrace

All's right in the world, and good things in their place

Pray nothing will harm you or cause you to part

No withersome cancer or blight of the heart

Will smash you or strike you or mess with your head

Or turn out your body and break you down dead

May no fiery meteors burn down your home

Nor economy crash forcing you two to roam

In search of a meal and a dry place to sleep

Nor cause you to shiver with cold and to weep

And when you grow older all jiggely and saggy

Your now firmly youthful bits dropped down and baggy

May you remain faithful, loving and true

Not tempted to step out with someone brand new

For when you do stray and abandon true love

And knocketh your boots without wearing a glove

Your soft private bits might get twisted and sickly

And fall off your bodies all rotting and icky

So here's to you lovers this bright shiny day!

With some god-given luck you won't go out that way

And will live till tomorrow at the very least

Barring food poisoning from the wedding feast

[Edited 3/25/17 12:05pm]

marriage o marriage

of that married life.

together you'll handle

the struggles and srtife

and raise a family together

it's all in the plan

but one trips on the stairway

eyes lifeless and bland

but the asswipe won't die

now it's costin a mint

and it all starts from that

one lil text that you sent,

and that what you'll remember

as you pullin the plug

you gotta move on

sweep it unda the rug...

i'm not doin another one AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!!

KingBAD said:

XxAxX said:

Wedding Day

You're all grown and married to your own true love

A vision of joy under Heaven above

Two hearts intertwined in a lovers' embrace

All's right in the world, and good things in their place

Pray nothing will harm you or cause you to part

No withersome cancer or blight of the heart

Will smash you or strike you or mess with your head

Or turn out your body and break you down dead

May no fiery meteors burn down your home

Nor economy crash forcing you two to roam

In search of a meal and a dry place to sleep

Nor cause you to shiver with cold and to weep

And when you grow older all jiggely and saggy

Your now firmly youthful bits dropped down and baggy

May you remain faithful, loving and true

Not tempted to step out with someone brand new

For when you do stray and abandon true love

And knocketh your boots without wearing a glove

Your soft private bits might get twisted and sickly

And fall off your bodies all rotting and icky

So here's to you lovers this bright shiny day!

With some god-given luck you won't go out that way

And will live till tomorrow at the very least

Barring food poisoning from the wedding feast

[Edited 3/25/17 12:05pm]

marriage o marriage

of that married life.

together you'll handle

the struggles and srtife

and raise a family together

it's all in the plan

but one trips on the stairway

eyes lifeless and bland

but the asswipe won't die

now it's costin a mint

and it all starts from that

one lil text that you sent,

and that what you'll remember

as you pullin the plug

you gotta move on

sweep it unda the rug...

i'm dying of lol here

Fourth of July

He had a great party

It was a good day

Too bad that big rocket

Was fired his way

He'd still be alive

If it weren't for Brent Norton

Who set the thing off

My gosh what a moron!

^Happy Birthday

Happy birthday to you and don't you look fine

Now blow out the candles and put down the wine

Your pants should be on and please climb off the table

You need to go home while you're still somewhat able

Your jokes weren't that funny you smell like a zit

Your shirt's hanging off I can see your right tit

The nose hair you don't trim is all hanging out

Your butt's made of flab please don't wave it about

We all gathered here for a nice celebration

But now it's quite clear you've had too much libation

So sit down and shut up and don't call her honey

That girl ain't your lady we hired her for money

Let's call you a cab you can be on your way

And we'll try to pretend things din't go down this way

Go home sleep it off and please don't tell a soul

This whole birthday thing's really gotten quite old

Next year you turn thirty but let's pass the day by

You made your secretary fall down and cry

I hear police sirens and that's not really fun

I'd finish this up but now I've gotta run

XxAxX said:

^Happy Birthday

Happy birthday to you and don't you look fine

Now blow out the candles and put down the wine

Your pants should be on and please climb off the table

You need to go home while you're still somewhat able

Your jokes weren't that funny you smell like a zit

Your shirt's hanging off I can see your right tit

The nose hair you don't trim is all hanging out

Your butt's made of flab please don't wave it about

We all gathered here for a nice celebration

But now it's quite clear you've had too much libation

So sit down and shut up and don't call her honey

That girl ain't your lady we hired her for money

Let's call you a cab you can be on your way

And we'll try to pretend things din't go down this way

Go home sleep it off and please don't tell a soul

This whole birthday thing's really gotten quite old

Next year you turn thirty but let's pass the day by

You made your secretary fall down and cry

I hear police sirens and that's not really fun

I'd finish this up but now I've gotta run

Christmas

Up with the stockings, the tree and the lights

Hang up the holly much higher
That fat man in red will come creepin' tonight

so build up a big blazing fire

He'll try to sneak in and make free with our home

And drop all his shit on the floor

Remember he watches when you're all alone

And he's got a list keeping score

So load up the gun and sharpen the ax

close all the windows and doors

and warm up your arms to give Santa some whacks

Or he'll come back next year for some more!

First Kiss

Who knew it would be quite so frightful?

The way your lips glommed on to mine

The poems all say it's most delightful

But now I see that's just a line

And your tongue what the hell? darting in darting out

I confess it took me by surprise

Keep that thing in your own mouth I mean it for real

Or I swear I'll poke out both your eyes

Adult Circumcision

Hold still don't be scared 'cause it's for your own good

Just a bit of a snip and it's off with your hood

It'll all soon be over so don't shed a tear

And don't move at all when the scalpel draws near
Your doctors are skilled you'll go home to your kin

Just minus a teensy bit of your foreskin

That's right hold real still and we'll move this along

This surgery's common so what could go wrong?

Now please just be brave and take this like a man

The doctor is doing the best that he can

He.. what's that? Uh oh...

XxAxX said:

Adult Circumcision

Hold still don't be scared 'cause it's for your own good

Just a bit of a snip and it's off with your hood

It'll all soon be over so don't shed a tear

And don't move at all when the scalpel draws near
Your doctors are skilled you'll go home to your kin

Just minus a teensy bit of your foreskin

That's right hold real still and we'll move this along

This surgery's common so what could go wrong?

Now please just be brave and take this like a man

The doctor is doing the best that he can

He.. what's that? Uh oh...

XxAxX said:

new hobby eh?

who knew???