even though it doesn't seem like it spring is coming. don't know about you but that always lifts my spirits. glad you survived the holiday season

I come to conclusion that my father doesn't like me. Not a day passes by without him telling me that I'm doing something wrong. I also think he has a low opinion of me. I can't make my parents happy and I don't know what to do.

FullLipsDotNose said:

I come to conclusion that my father doesn't like me. Not a day passes by without him telling me that I'm doing something wrong. I also think he has a low opinion of me. I can't make my parents happy and I don't know what to do.

I'm feeling better now. It's apparently what I said before - my father is just clumsy when it comes to communicating love and affection. We all have faults.

.

[Edited 1/16/17 23:55pm]

FullLipsDotNose said:

FullLipsDotNose said:

I dislike the fact that I'm very sensitive. Especially with my father. Whenever we have argument, however small, I end up crying afterwards. I've been like this my whole life. I think he sometimes treated me harshly as a child, even other children that met him told me they were afraid of him. I know it's not his fault though; there's a history of autistic spectrum in my family and it's possible he's on the spectrum. But I can't help myself. I'm also aware that I inherited it from him in a number of ways, so I get really angry easily, for example. Now I'm afraid of having children and this is one of the reasons - I don't want them to be scared of me. I talked about it to my classmates at high school and they told me I wouldn't be like that because I already knew I didn't want to do it.

-

Secondly, even though I know he loves and just can't express it, I still think he (in addition to the rest of my family) doesn't approve of some of my lifestyle choices. I don't want to go into details, but I see he has double standards for men and women. I mean, he's not a chauvinist, but some of his opinions are not feminist IMO. So there are things I can't do or say in front of my family because it creates tension.

-

On the other hand, I feel guilty about all of this. I know my family loves me, but the fact they don't accept some things about me makes me sad and enervated. Not to mention that I see myself as weak because I'm so sensitive.

Full, are you on the spectrum? I'm sensing Asperger's Syndrome. Please take it easy on yourself.

LadyLayla said:

FullLipsDotNose said:

I dislike the fact that I'm very sensitive. Especially with my father. Whenever we have argument, however small, I end up crying afterwards. I've been like this my whole life. I think he sometimes treated me harshly as a child, even other children that met him told me they were afraid of him. I know it's not his fault though; there's a history of autistic spectrum in my family and it's possible he's on the spectrum. But I can't help myself. I'm also aware that I inherited it from him in a number of ways, so I get really angry easily, for example. Now I'm afraid of having children and this is one of the reasons - I don't want them to be scared of me. I talked about it to my classmates at high school and they told me I wouldn't be like that because I already knew I didn't want to do it.

-

Secondly, even though I know he loves and just can't express it, I still think he (in addition to the rest of my family) doesn't approve of some of my lifestyle choices. I don't want to go into details, but I see he has double standards for men and women. I mean, he's not a chauvinist, but some of his opinions are not feminist IMO. So there are things I can't do or say in front of my family because it creates tension.

-

On the other hand, I feel guilty about all of this. I know my family loves me, but the fact they don't accept some things about me makes me sad and enervated. Not to mention that I see myself as weak because I'm so sensitive.

Full, are you on the spectrum? I'm sensing Asperger's Syndrome. Please take it easy on yourself.

yep

FullLipsDotNose said:

LadyLayla said:

Full, are you on the spectrum? I'm sensing Asperger's Syndrome. Please take it easy on yourself.

yep

Oh Full! As as Aspie you are probably more at risk for depression and anxiety. I imagine the MDs have not put you on any meds because of the increased risk for suicide for teenagers and young adults. And that does kind of stink when it seems you may be going through turmoil at home when it is supposed to be your safe space.

Is home the place where you feel the most ill at ease or is it any social situation?

And Christmas, yeah! Expectation meltdown. So freakin commercialized. If you can, start dictating your own terms for next year. Trim the gift list so that it can be easier on YOU....you're in graduate school AND working so most people should respect that.

If you can, find a counseling center (preferably one with experience with AS or HFA). There are probably MSWs within a center who would work with you to help you navigate the stresses you are experiencing. Some of them may work on a sliding scale of payment if you are cash strapped or don't have insurance.

And most of all, take care of yourself! You are obviously very bright and recognize that a substance is not the answer. Everyone here has put out some great advice.

LadyLayla said:

FullLipsDotNose said:

yep

Oh Full! As as Aspie you are probably more at risk for depression and anxiety. I imagine the MDs have not put you on any meds because of the increased risk for suicide for teenagers and young adults. And that does kind of stink when it seems you may be going through turmoil at home when it is supposed to be your safe space.

Is home the place where you feel the most ill at ease or is it any social situation?

And Christmas, yeah! Expectation meltdown. So freakin commercialized. If you can, start dictating your own terms for next year. Trim the gift list so that it can be easier on YOU....you're in graduate school AND working so most people should respect that.

If you can, find a counseling center (preferably one with experience with AS or HFA). There are probably MSWs within a center who would work with you to help you navigate the stresses you are experiencing. Some of them may work on a sliding scale of payment if you are cash strapped or don't have insurance.

And most of all, take care of yourself! You are obviously very bright and recognize that a substance is not the answer. Everyone here has put out some great advice.

I actually take pills and my psychiatrist knows about my condition. They also sent me to a psychologist for an assessment and the result was that I am somehow childish and prone to depression and schizoid illnesses. I don't remember the wording exactly now. The doctor also gave me a recommendation for a psychotherapist, but that was a few months ago and I lost the recommendation paper. In fact, after I got it in my hands, I wasn't sure if I wanted to go for it. I felt awkward for my troubles and I was worried what it would look like.

Feeling awkward. Why do some relatives find it OK to discuss their relationships in front of me? How would they feel if two people broke up in their presence?

FullLipsDotNose said:

LadyLayla said:

Oh Full! As as Aspie you are probably more at risk for depression and anxiety. I imagine the MDs have not put you on any meds because of the increased risk for suicide for teenagers and young adults. And that does kind of stink when it seems you may be going through turmoil at home when it is supposed to be your safe space.

Is home the place where you feel the most ill at ease or is it any social situation?

And Christmas, yeah! Expectation meltdown. So freakin commercialized. If you can, start dictating your own terms for next year. Trim the gift list so that it can be easier on YOU....you're in graduate school AND working so most people should respect that.

If you can, find a counseling center (preferably one with experience with AS or HFA). There are probably MSWs within a center who would work with you to help you navigate the stresses you are experiencing. Some of them may work on a sliding scale of payment if you are cash strapped or don't have insurance.

And most of all, take care of yourself! You are obviously very bright and recognize that a substance is not the answer. Everyone here has put out some great advice.

I actually take pills and my psychiatrist knows about my condition. They also sent me to a psychologist for an assessment and the result was that I am somehow childish and prone to depression and schizoid illnesses. I don't remember the wording exactly now. The doctor also gave me a recommendation for a psychotherapist, but that was a few months ago and I lost the recommendation paper. In fact, after I got it in my hands, I wasn't sure if I wanted to go for it. I felt awkward for my troubles and I was worried what it would look like.

If you are taking medication he/she or the pharmacist did explain the risks of alcohol consumption? Do you feel like the medication is helping? Sometimes it may take trying different brands/doses to get the results desired. And the usual procedure for managing conditions is medication along with some cognitive therapy. And it may take some shopping around to find a therapist/counselor. You'll need someone that YOU feel comfortable with. Letting someone inside your head is a very sacred relationship.

As for the stigma for seeking out help for mental or emotion issues..........I thought our society had moved past that. This is for you and your survival. You have to be your own advocate for your well being.

Please take care of yourself!

LadyLayla said:

FullLipsDotNose said:

I actually take pills and my psychiatrist knows about my condition. They also sent me to a psychologist for an assessment and the result was that I am somehow childish and prone to depression and schizoid illnesses. I don't remember the wording exactly now. The doctor also gave me a recommendation for a psychotherapist, but that was a few months ago and I lost the recommendation paper. In fact, after I got it in my hands, I wasn't sure if I wanted to go for it. I felt awkward for my troubles and I was worried what it would look like.

If you are taking medication he/she or the pharmacist did explain the risks of alcohol consumption? Do you feel like the medication is helping? Sometimes it may take trying different brands/doses to get the results desired. And the usual procedure for managing conditions is medication along with some cognitive therapy. And it may take some shopping around to find a therapist/counselor. You'll need someone that YOU feel comfortable with. Letting someone inside your head is a very sacred relationship.

As for the stigma for seeking out help for mental or emotion issues..........I thought our society had moved past that. This is for you and your survival. You have to be your own advocate for your well being.

Please take care of yourself!

She explained everything. I told her about my problems recently, so we'll see each other in a few weeks to see whether it has to do with my workload or not.

-

I don't have a problem with a therapist per se, it's just the problems that I'm having. Like, if I was asked, "So what's your problem?" and I replied, "I'm afraid of Mickey Mouse and when I see one, I have to comfort myself with masturbating with a cucumber. Now I can't see any cucumbers, they remind me of my fate." Nothing like "I'm afraid of flying/spiders/death".

I was diagnosed with High Functioning autism in 2009, hence why I don't think b4 I speak. It does not trouble my every day life much, but you have your moments with it. It is a lack of instinctive social skills more than anything else. I am fully functioning and was given an IQ of 128 on the WAIS scale (141 on Stanford Binet), so I definitely do not have an intellectual disability.

.

Despite this I only learned to walk at 3½ years of age and talk at 6, and went from being in a vegetative state at 6 to being well above average.

.

Part of HFA is getting "Obsessions" about things and being obsessed with it and finding out as much as you can about it. Some are fleeting and last a few days, but others stay for life. Some past obsessions include mud, shit, boogers, skulls, pigs and current and enduring ones include stamps, coins, junked cars, Prince, Michael Jackson and archaeology for me. The good ones can lead to employment and respect as an expert.

.

Less constructive fixations include - Junked cars, big lips on people and ghetto names, and you guys know my obsession over these.

[Edited 1/21/17 19:22pm]

I wish I hadn't been born.

FullLipsDotNose said:

EmmaMcG said:

FullLipsDotNose said:

I wish I hadn't been born.

Why?

Cause I'm a c..t and they don't deserve to live.

-

I broke something at home and my father got mad at me. I think it wasn't my fault completely, because it had been broken for some time anyway (and no one had repaired it, on top of that). But I'm still afraid of being around him, especially in communal places.

-

I doubt he loves me, because he displays strange relationship to our dog. He likes it a bit, but keeps complaining about it being a "stupid dog", he also kicked it lightly recently. My sibling is considering buying a cavy into her new home, but my father is against because it "stinks". And it breaks my heart cause there lived three cavies in our household So I think he has the same relationship to me as he has towards our pets - he pretends he likes me, but he doesn't like me in reality.

-

I've looked at my yoga pants now and they are ripped. See, I'm useless when it comes to anything. I break things and rip clothes. I'm a useless fat-ass bitch.

FullLipsDotNose said:

EmmaMcG said:

FullLipsDotNose said:

Cause I'm a c..t and they don't deserve to live.

-

I broke something at home and my father got mad at me. I think it wasn't my fault completely, because it had been broken for some time anyway (and no one had repaired it, on top of that). But I'm still afraid of being around him, especially in communal places.

-

I doubt he loves me, because he displays strange relationship to our dog. He likes it a bit, but keeps complaining about it being a "stupid dog", he also kicked it lightly recently. My sibling is considering buying a cavy into her new home, but my father is against because it "stinks". And it breaks my heart cause there lived three cavies in our household So I think he has the same relationship to me as he has towards our pets - he pretends he likes me, but he doesn't like me in reality.

-

I've looked at my yoga pants now and they are ripped. See, I'm useless when it comes to anything. I break things and rip clothes. I'm a useless fat-ass bitch.

Even IF he doesn't love you, is that not more his problem than yours? Your life isn't all about his approval. If he doesn't like you for who you are then fuck him.

I don't know. He always gets angry, I hide away, start crying, think that I'm useless and unloved, but he calms down in the meantime. Maybe I'm unreasonable for being sad, because he's suddenly OK with it. So it IS my problem

FullLipsDotNose said:

EmmaMcG said:

FullLipsDotNose said: Even IF he doesn't love you, is that not more his problem than yours? Your life isn't all about his approval. If he doesn't like you for who you are then fuck him.

I don't know. He always gets angry, I hide away, start crying, think that I'm useless and unloved, but he calms down in the meantime. Maybe I'm unreasonable for being sad, because he's suddenly OK with it. So it IS my problem

Can you move out?

maplenpg said:

FullLipsDotNose said:

I don't know. He always gets angry, I hide away, start crying, think that I'm useless and unloved, but he calms down in the meantime. Maybe I'm unreasonable for being sad, because he's suddenly OK with it. So it IS my problem

Can you move out?

Yes and no. Because I'm a student, I live on campus during term time. However, when I'm on holidays, I stay at my parents' house because I have nowehere else to go.

I'm planning to share a flat with someone should I commence PhD and if I don't get any offers, I will search for a job - and move out completely. Obviously, this will only work if I find a job immediately and I earn enough money to pay all my bills. But I don't think that as long as I'm a student, I can be completely independent because I can't have a full-time job when I study. Unless I find a rich girlfriend or boyfriend with their own flat, but the chances are null and some sugar daddies and sugar mamas are creepy.

FullLipsDotNose said:

maplenpg said:

Can you move out?

Yes and no. Because I'm a student, I live on campus during term time. However, when I'm on holidays, I stay at my parents' house because I have nowehere else to go.

I'm planning to share a flat with someone should I commence PhD and if I don't get any offers, I will search for a job - and move out completely. Obviously, this will only work if I find a job immediately and I earn enough money to pay all my bills. But I don't think that as long as I'm a student, I can be completely independent because I can't have a full-time job when I study. Unless I find a rich girlfriend or boyfriend with their own flat, but the chances are null and some sugar daddies and sugar mamas are creepy.

Then I think you need to be honest with your dad. Tell him how his anger makes you feel. Tell him how worthless you feel. Otherwise you will continue in this cycle that hurts everyone and benefits no-one.

maplenpg said:

FullLipsDotNose said:

Yes and no. Because I'm a student, I live on campus during term time. However, when I'm on holidays, I stay at my parents' house because I have nowehere else to go.

I'm planning to share a flat with someone should I commence PhD and if I don't get any offers, I will search for a job - and move out completely. Obviously, this will only work if I find a job immediately and I earn enough money to pay all my bills. But I don't think that as long as I'm a student, I can be completely independent because I can't have a full-time job when I study. Unless I find a rich girlfriend or boyfriend with their own flat, but the chances are null and some sugar daddies and sugar mamas are creepy.

Then I think you need to be honest with your dad. Tell him how his anger makes you feel. Tell him how worthless you feel. Otherwise you will continue in this cycle that hurts everyone and benefits no-one.

OK, I'll try to build my confidence somehow...

Adorecream said:

I was diagnosed with High Functioning autism in 2009, hence why I don't think b4 I speak. It does not trouble my every day life much, but you have your moments with it. It is a lack of instinctive social skills more than anything else. I am fully functioning and was given an IQ of 128 on the WAIS scale (141 on Stanford Binet), so I definitely do not have an intellectual disability.

.

Despite this I only learned to walk at 3½ years of age and talk at 6, and went from being in a vegetative state at 6 to being well above average.

.

Part of HFA is getting "Obsessions" about things and being obsessed with it and finding out as much as you can about it. Some are fleeting and last a few days, but others stay for life. Some past obsessions include mud, shit, boogers, skulls, pigs and current and enduring ones include stamps, coins, junked cars, Prince, Michael Jackson and archaeology for me. The good ones can lead to employment and respect as an expert.

.

Less constructive fixations include - Junked cars, big lips on people and ghetto names, and you guys know my obsession over these.

[Edited 1/21/17 19:22pm]

OMG, you were diagnosed the same year as I was!!

I actually learnt to speak pretty quickly and my walking abilities were in line with other children's, but I was struggling with sports and crafts. I'm bad at making my bed or drawing a straight balanced line under my eyes with eyeliner, for example.

I am obsessed with pigs now as well as elephants and other animals. I'm also into various artists and transport lines. One of my biggest prides is that I learnt many lines connecting European countries. It's a great social icebreaker in an international environment - "Where are you from?" "Albania." "Your buses are called furgons, right? And your railroads don't go past state borders except from cargo trains to Montenegro, right?" "Oh yes!! You know everything!!"

FullLipsDotNose said:

maplenpg said:

Then I think you need to be honest with your dad. Tell him how his anger makes you feel. Tell him how worthless you feel. Otherwise you will continue in this cycle that hurts everyone and benefits no-one.

OK, I'll try to build my confidence somehow...

Where is mom in all this? How about your sibling? Do you and your sibling talk? Does your sibling say, "Hey dad's being a real dick!"

Does your dad accept your diagnosis or does he think it is an "excuse" for you not meeting his expectations? In addition, is he a person that is hard to/impossible to please? Is he agreeable with your graduate studies or did he prefer that you were self-sufficient by now?

Is there a cultural content involved? Again, where is mom and is there anyone who is being your advocate?

LadyLayla said:

FullLipsDotNose said:

OK, I'll try to build my confidence somehow...

Where is mom in all this? How about your sibling? Do you and your sibling talk? Does your sibling say, "Hey dad's being a real dick!"

Does your dad accept your diagnosis or does he think it is an "excuse" for you not meeting his expectations? In addition, is he a person that is hard to/impossible to please? Is he agreeable with your graduate studies or did he prefer that you were self-sufficient by now?

Is there a cultural content involved? Again, where is mom and is there anyone who is being your advocate?

My Mum is basically Let It Be. She's used to my father's feelings and I don't think she's as emotional about it as I am.

Yes, I talk to my sibling. They are the exact opposite of me. They are bubbly and have my Mum's Let It Be attitude. They stood up for me a few years ago when I left the house crying because my father was upset again. Although there are things we can't agree with together. But they tell me they miss me whenever I'm away.

My father accepts my diagnosis and as I said earlier, it is possible he also has HFA. However, this doesn't stop him from perfectionism - maybe he thinks that because he's able to do it, so am I. He's very punctual, for example, but I'm not always like that. I'm also the one that loves long and warm baths, but he is the one that makes sure the water is not very warm and that there is no excessive volume cause it'd be a wasting I'm sure he's proud of my scholastic achievements and this is what he has always wanted for me (ten years ago, he wanted me to promise him I'd go to university - I was reluctant and didn't do it though cause I didn't want to disappoint anyone just in case). In fact, I remember I won a school round of an academic contest and he bragged about it in front of his former colleague, I felt a bit embarrassed (why do you tell it your former colleagues, eh?). That being said, he occasionally refers to me as an "eternal student" and asks me when I start working. It made me upset, but my Mum told me it's his way of humour. Oh and have I told you he graduated with the highest grade?

Re cultural differences: Students in my home country usually leave student halls for the weekends. My parents joke about it and ask me every other week when I'm planning to come back. (I go once a month on average.) Our families are usually more tight-knit than in the US or UK, I think. There are no boarding schools for 5 yo children and parents and adult children tend to see each other frequently distance permitting unless there's a conflict between them, but it would have to be something serious (jokes about mothers-in-law are popular).

PaisleyPrint said:

Deadflow3r said:

I haven't taken meds since 2010 but i have changed my diet significantly and spend a great deal of time listening to motivational speakiers and reading motivational books.

I beg anybody with psych issues to look at how much time they spend outside and also their diet. Before you drop your drugs even. Just start upping your walks outdoors, eat less refined foods and go on the internet and see what else you can do along with the perscribed medications.

[Edited 1/4/17 15:34pm]

Yep, you said a mouthful. A lotta people don't realize that certain foods can cause anything from neurological issues to depression. I discovered the book Eat Right 4 Your Type by Dr. Peter D'Adamo and was totally knocked off my feet when I turned to the chapter on Type B (blood type) and read how the lectins in "chicken" affected Type Bs. I had all the symptoms (all types of neurological problems that mimicked multiple sclerosis and chronic fatigue syndrome) and that was basically all I ate as far as meat. I had sworn off pork and beef and ate very little turkey (chicken was my favorite poultry). Within 2 weeks of going on the Type B diet, those symptoms stopped. For Type O's wheat is the worst (causing depression/bipolar, schizophrenia, substance abuse ect.). It's the "gluten" in the wheat (whole and refined) that does a number on them. Years before he wrote the book, he'd been putting his patients on diets to lose weight. The diet worked for some of his patients but not for others. Thus began his study of the "blood types". He breaks it down to a "science" and it all makes sense. Also, as I stated in an earlier post, the book, Rare Earths, Forbidden Cures by Dr. Joel Wallach is another good one. He talks about (among other things) the body needing 99 essential vitamins, minerals and amino acids daily and if you don't get them the body will be thrown off balance after a while. Kudos to you Deadflow, on your change and improvement

[Edited 1/5/17 21:16pm]

I did not know about this book and I am buying it right away.

When I began this I was sleeping at least 12 hours a day. I got very fat. I was taking meds for bipolar and also depression. The med barely helped and, like most anti depression and bipolar meds made me very very tired.

I left my daughter with my sister and headed out to find a cure on my own. I stopped pasta and bread and felt better. I also have some sort of issues with chicken. I can not see my child at this point and am fighting it. Part of the reason is that I have the label bipolar.

One thing people need to understand is that these labels stick with you and can harm your chances of getting a job or seeing your child etc. If you truly have these conditions that is one thing, but if all it ever was was a food intolerace that is pretty sad.

I am not taking meds so I am being penalized by preventing me from seeing my daughter. I will have an evaluation and will fight it in court.

Mum and Dad said to me that if I died, they would miss me :heart:

FullLipsDotNose said:

LadyLayla said:

Where is mom in all this? How about your sibling? Do you and your sibling talk? Does your sibling say, "Hey dad's being a real dick!"

Does your dad accept your diagnosis or does he think it is an "excuse" for you not meeting his expectations? In addition, is he a person that is hard to/impossible to please? Is he agreeable with your graduate studies or did he prefer that you were self-sufficient by now?

Is there a cultural content involved? Again, where is mom and is there anyone who is being your advocate?

My Mum is basically Let It Be. She's used to my father's feelings and I don't think she's as emotional about it as I am.

Yes, I talk to my sibling. They are the exact opposite of me. They are bubbly and have my Mum's Let It Be attitude. They stood up for me a few years ago when I left the house crying because my father was upset again. Although there are things we can't agree with together. But they tell me they miss me whenever I'm away.

My father accepts my diagnosis and as I said earlier, it is possible he also has HFA. However, this doesn't stop him from perfectionism - maybe he thinks that because he's able to do it, so am I. He's very punctual, for example, but I'm not always like that. I'm also the one that loves long and warm baths, but he is the one that makes sure the water is not very warm and that there is no excessive volume cause it'd be a wasting I'm sure he's proud of my scholastic achievements and this is what he has always wanted for me (ten years ago, he wanted me to promise him I'd go to university - I was reluctant and didn't do it though cause I didn't want to disappoint anyone just in case). In fact, I remember I won a school round of an academic contest and he bragged about it in front of his former colleague, I felt a bit embarrassed (why do you tell it your former colleagues, eh?). That being said, he occasionally refers to me as an "eternal student" and asks me when I start working. It made me upset, but my Mum told me it's his way of humour. Oh and have I told you he graduated with the highest grade?

Re cultural differences: Students in my home country usually leave student halls for the weekends. My parents joke about it and ask me every other week when I'm planning to come back. (I go once a month on average.) Our families are usually more tight-knit than in the US or UK, I think. There are no boarding schools for 5 yo children and parents and adult children tend to see each other frequently distance permitting unless there's a ctonflict between them, but it would have to be something serious (jokes about mothers-in-law are popular).

Based on these answers I would assume your parents care deeply for you. And the conflict felt with dad may be that he sees a great potential with you BUT he would approach it the way he has done in the past because it worked for him. You feel as if this is constant criticism.

With your current graduate path, what is the outlook for employment? If you are 23 or over, I would suspect that dad is hinting that mapping your future plans for earning a living is foremost on his mind. He might not be trying to kick you out of the house but being a parent myself this might be high on his "worry" list. And he would love to get that off his list. I also expect that it is difficult for dad to express his deep feelings therefore the reason for caustic humor.

And if you find dad to be difficult, look at it this way: if I can deal with him it is good training for me to deal with a real world high expectation boss.

I do know an AS or HFA brain processes information much differently than an NT brain and are at greater risk for depression, anxiety and all the wonderful things that go with it because for AS people it is like being on another planet However, there are much more qualified people than me who can speak on that subject.

Take care of yourself!!

[Edited 1/29/17 15:42pm]