How long can you stay mad at someone?

I realize that there are people who hold grudges for years - DECADES even.

What is YOUR limit?

Are you the "forgive and forget" type, or the "forgive but never forget" type???

How bad do you need to get hurt before you banish someone from your life altogether, forever?

Life is too short to stay angry with people...I'd rather forgive them and be wiser next time about making them upset with me.

blueshouse21 said:

Life is too short to stay angry with people...I'd rather forgive them and be wiser next time about making them upset with me.

i pass people into non existence on a regular basis.

not that they have caused me hurt or harm

just that any more time given would be a waste.

anger is the least of my issues. i cut a cord

long before it can get there...

I hardly get mad and when it's for a really short period.

We all have our issues, there are always two sides of a story.

Staying angry is one of the most wasted energies there is, it ain't gonna bring you anything.

PurpleJedi said:

How long can you stay mad at someone?

I realize that there are people who hold grudges for years - DECADES even.

What is YOUR limit?

Are you the "forgive and forget" type, or the "forgive but never forget" type???

How bad do you need to get hurt before you banish someone from your life altogether, forever?

ahh. fuckheads. i guess when some fuckhead fucks me over i get mad at first but then after a little while living my own life takes priority. i figure, fuckheads will reap what fuckheads sow.....karma. it's real. anyway i just try to avoid the fuckheads of the world, knowing them to be annoying.

i do know some people who nurse their grudges forever..... but i think that's sort of regressive. when you allow other people to determine your mood/feelings, you give them power so why do that? better to avoid the world's fuckheads and enjoy life to the fullest

XxAxX said:

NinaB said:

XxAxX said:

ahh. fuckheads. i guess when some fuckhead fucks me over i get mad at first but then after a little while living my own life takes priority. i figure, fuckheads will reap what fuckheads sow.....karma. it's real. anyway i just try to avoid the fuckheads of the world, knowing them to be annoying.

i do know some people who nurse their grudges forever..... but i think that's sort of regressive. when you allow other people to determine your mood/feelings, you give them power so why do that? better to avoid the world's fuckheads and enjoy life to the fullest

Yep. Only prob with Karma is she's a bit slow 4 my liking sometimes, must be all that backlog

believe me, i do understand where you're coming from. i can't stand bullies/fuckheads/child molesters etc. myself.

but, when you say you'll plot and plan for years to bring about revenge... isn't that taking time away from feeling joy in your life?

imo, a basic fuckhead is not only already a loser by virtue of the path they've chosen/crimes they've committed, but most likely they are not feeling happy about the world and their place in it.

tons of fuckheads are miserable people who want others to join them in their misery. some are too arrogant to even understand why they are fuckheaded losers, but it's not up tp us to help them realize that. life will do so. time will do so. what's the point of devoting more than a second to their problems..

when they say "living well is the best revenge", they got it right. being happy in spite of the crap life sends your way is them ultimate triumph of character, imo. all the rest is just window dressing

Forgive but NEVER forget. It'll never make sense to me how people can continue to "forget" what folks have done to them only for it to happen over and over again. The saying is very true, "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice (or more), shame on me". I also don't have patience with people who want to call and vent to me about what such and such has done, yet again. If a person has shown you what they can do and you don't like it, yet you choose to put up with it, then put up and shut up. Otherwise, cut them off.

On the otherhand, I'll never understand folks who can hold grudges for decades. It's a complete waste of time and energy and you've also "lost" because you give the other person all the power by holding the grudge.

XxAxX said:

I am personally going through a bit of self-reflection on this matter, so thank you all for the input.

I've spent the past 5 years trying to "forgive and forget" my ex but I don't think that I've actually succeeded. Still some anger seething just beneath the skin that sometimes rears its ugly head.

For all intents and purposes I'm "over it" but a part of me is still mad, and I don't understand how or why. Not in my nature (at least I didn't think so). Am I holding on to a "grudge" maybe?

3 years ago I thought I had made peace and forgiven.

PurpleJedi said:

PurpleJedi said:

I am personally going through a bit of self-reflection on this matter, so thank you all for the input.

I've spent the past 5 years trying to "forgive and forget" my ex but I don't think that I've actually succeeded. Still some anger seething just beneath the skin that sometimes rears its ugly head.

For all intents and purposes I'm "over it" but a part of me is still mad, and I don't understand how or why. Not in my nature (at least I didn't think so). Am I holding on to a "grudge" maybe?

3 years ago I thought I had made peace and forgiven.

i feel ya...

i'm going through a lot of this, myself. having suffered the emotional abuse and lies and deceit for years, it's hard to forgive; especially if the offending party doesn't seek forgiveness...that's the hardest part, not getting any validation. not getting the satisfaction of knowing that your anger is justified. there's nothing wrong with being angry. it's an appropriate response. anger is an energy; put it to good use.

i've just decided to move on. it's true that the best revenge is to live a good life. and i agree w/ ninab, i don't think it's necessary to forgive. fuck 'em.

Forgive them but if they are not a good person, then remove them from your life. That's not carrying a grudge; that's improving your life.

Ooops, just read this is about your ex. Which probably means you can't remove them from your life. So I guess forgive and be as nice as you can, while having as little contact with her as possible.

.

[Edited 7/27/16 9:58am]

PurpleJedi said:

I am personally going through a bit of self-reflection on this matter, so thank you all for the input.

I've spent the past 5 years trying to "forgive and forget" my ex but I don't think that I've actually succeeded. Still some anger seething just beneath the skin that sometimes rears its ugly head.

For all intents and purposes I'm "over it" but a part of me is still mad, and I don't understand how or why. Not in my nature (at least I didn't think so). Am I holding on to a "grudge" maybe?

3 years ago I thought I had made peace and forgiven.

I think sometimes it helps to look back earlier into your relationship with you ex, and see if there were any signs that it wasn't going to work out, even before you married her. To me, there is always signs. When I looked back into the relationships I had with my exs, there were signs, but I ignored it. In looking back, it gave me more peace and made it easier for me to forgive and move on.

peedub said:

RodeoSchro said:

Beautifulstarr123 said:

I hold on to disappoint indefinitely. Actual anger I'm not very good at holding it or even using it. But I'm realizing that disappoint is a barrier in forgiveness, and possibly even more defeating than anger.

morningsong said:

PurpleJedi said:

How long can you stay mad at someone?

I realize that there are people who hold grudges for years - DECADES even.

What is YOUR limit?

Are you the "forgive and forget" type, or the "forgive but never forget" type???

How bad do you need to get hurt before you banish someone from your life altogether, forever?

I don't believe in "forgive and forget"....someone fucks me over, they're dead to me. They don't exist in my world. Have a nice life and we'll never see each other again.

uPtoWnNY said:

PurpleJedi said:

How long can you stay mad at someone?

I realize that there are people who hold grudges for years - DECADES even.

What is YOUR limit?

Are you the "forgive and forget" type, or the "forgive but never forget" type???

How bad do you need to get hurt before you banish someone from your life altogether, forever?

I don't believe in "forgive and forget"....someone fucks me over, they're dead to me. They don't exist in my world. Have a nice life and we'll never see each other again.

I'm sure you've screwed someone over in your lifetime. Wouldn't you want to be forgiven? To forgive doesn't mean you've forgotten what they've done to you and it doesn't mean that the relationship is going to be the same again. You forgive because you don't want them to have that hold on you. You can also choose to move on after forgiving someone.

KingBAD said:

i pass people into non existence on a regular basis.

not that they have caused me hurt or harm

just that any more time given would be a waste.

anger is the least of my issues. i cut a cord

long before it can get there...

Yeah, sometimes you can see when that person is no good for you, before it comes to that point of hurt. I can agree with that.

NinaB said:

Beautifulstarr123 said:

I think sometimes it helps to look back earlier into your relationship with you ex, and see if there were any signs that it wasn't going to work out, even before you married her. To me, there is always signs. When I looked back into the relationships I had with my exs, there were signs, but I ignored it. In looking back, it gave me more peace and made it easier for me to forgive and move on.

Very true. Always signs.

NinaB said:

morningsong said:

I hold on to disappoint indefinitely. Actual anger I'm not very good at holding it or even using it. But I'm realizing that disappoint is a barrier in forgiveness, and possibly even more defeating than anger.

I can see how that would be. Anger/Righteous indignation has fire u can direct to improving yourself/your life. Whereas disappointment's a different energy, more sad & possibly inward turning?

More like that.

morningsong said: