Holy crap Holy crap Holy crap. Last night was the WORST.

It was RodeoSchro Family Movie Night, and I let the women pick out the movie. WRONG. But in their defense, they picked a movie that I thought I'd heard was good, and was funny, and was uplifting. The previews of it certainly gave that impression.

WHO CAN I SUE????????????????

They picked "Joy". Here is my review of this putrid, stinking, depressing pile of Imago's skin flakes:

MOST DEPRESSING MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN.

I hate this movie. With a white-hot passion. And I only watched the first 45 minutes of it, but that was 44 minutes and 55 seconds too much. This movie sucks so bad that there aren't enough suck-related adjectives to attach to this sentence.

So after 45 minutes I did what any normal red-blooded male would do: I left the room and watched the Billboard show.

That only made things worse.

Yeah, we all know how bad Madonna's tribute to Prince was. But did you see the Go-Gos before that? Oh. My. GOODNESS.

WTH happened to Belinda Carlisle's voice? I felt so bad for her. She cannot sing a lick, and she can't get within an octave-and-a-half of where she used to be. To make matters worse, all the other members CAN still hit their notes, so when they were singing behind Carlisle, it just amplified her tone-deafness. It was so bad that I actually went back to the family room to see what was happening with "Joy".

Joy was losing her business, declaring bankruptcy, and getting kicked out of her house. And that STILL was only barely as depressing as the Go-Go's.

I guess the only good thing was that I didn't have my traditional half-bottle (or more) of classy Pinot Noir whilst watching this soul-crushing movie. As alcohol is actually a depressant, I just don't think I could have survived watching "Joy" in an altered state. So I have that going for me, which is nice.

To sum up:

1. Never watch "Joy"
2. Do not go see the Go-Go's on their farewell tour
3. Madonna should never sing a Prince song again

"Joy" deserves no rating and will therefore get no rating.

morningsong said:

Into The Wild 4/5 Maybe not the wisest movie choice given it"s ending and my current state of mind, I balled like a baby But still a very engaging, serious and good movie.

This movie touched me. When he set fire to his money, I was all in. The actor was amazing, the amount of weight he lost was scary. I really still want to go into the wild but with food.

"Chef" - 2014 - 3.5 * out of 5

Descent movie about a chef who ends his career in a restaraunt only to find himself in a food truck. I know that sounds boring as hell, the movie's not. It has a great soundtrack!

Slave2daGroove said:

morningsong said:

Into The Wild 4/5 Maybe not the wisest movie choice given it"s ending and my current state of mind, I balled like a baby But still a very engaging, serious and good movie.

This movie touched me. When he set fire to his money, I was all in. The actor was amazing, the amount of weight he lost was scary. I really still want to go into the wild but with food.

It was so sad, he realized he needed others when it was too late. To see it was a true story on top of that. His journey was amazing though.

RodeoSchro said:

Imago's skin flakes

PPV- The Boy

I should have guessed the Twisted plot from the get-go...The Boy is another one of those Doll-possession Horrors...An elderly couple believes their dead son is a Boy-Doll (they don't believe the Doll is possessed, they REALLY believe the Doll IS their Son, period...LOL...Crazy with a "K"..)...The couple hire a HOT Nanny and all hell happens...

Chancellor said:

PPV- The Boy

I should have guessed the Twisted plot from the get-go...The Boy is another one of those Doll-possession Horrors...An elderly couple believes their dead son is a Boy-Doll (they don't believe the Doll is possessed, they REALLY believe the Doll IS their Son, period...LOL...Crazy with a "K"..)...The couple hire a HOT Nanny and all hell happens...

They do love their possessed-dolls and nubile young things in horror, don't they?

Ace said:

luv2tha99s said:

Ace said:

I've considered seeing this, but I think I can wait.

I enjoyed Begin Again (despite the "MUSIC INDUSTRY BAD!" hippy-dippy bullshit ). Ruffalo was great (as always), I like watching Knightley, and Gregg Alexander is a musical genius.

Never saw Once. Looks far too sappy for me.

If you like Begin Again you will LOVE Once. Its definitely not too sappy and much better than Begin Again.

I've seen the trailiers and the clips.

I no longer have a tolerance for things that present "love" as a panacea (and/or some magical thing that's beyond reason).

And I fucking HATE that "Falling Slowly" song.

Ace said:

RodeoSchro said:

Imago's skin flakes

That's old school, baby!

.

[Edited 5/27/16 7:47am]

RodeoSchro said:

Ace said:

That's old school, baby!

Anyone still in touch with him? Is he doin' alright?

Ace said:

RodeoSchro said:

That's old school, baby!

Anyone still in touch with him? Is he doin' alright?

Well, that depends on your definition of "alright". He's cool, doing well and still in Thailand, but potentially moving back to Tampa. He's still the same cut-up he's always been!

RodeoSchro said:

Ace said:

Anyone still in touch with him? Is he doin' alright?

Well, that depends on your definition of "alright". He's cool, doing well and still in Thailand, but potentially moving back to Tampa. He's still the same cut-up he's always been!

Please send him my best? Miss that guy around here.

[Edited 5/27/16 15:33pm]

Don't Bother To Knock (1952) on Netflik. I thinks its one of Marilyn Monroe's best dramatic parts (and Anne Bancroft's first film). It was a shame she wasn't more dramatic films like this, she was amazing 4 out of 5

[Edited 5/27/16 16:35pm]

P.S. There was a lot of Ralph-Fiennes-peen in this movie. I thought it was important to note that for some of you.

They Look Like People - a slighly mopier, lower budget Take Shelter. certainly not on the same level as that movie, but not too bad.

PPV - Gods of Egypt



Hmmmm....The notiecable Factor from the get-go is the Casting....Hollywood still gives green-lights to flicks about Egypt featuring White leading actors...The flick is 2hrs/10min...The CGI is really good and the costumes were really thought out...The plot is predictable..Good Vs Evil and predictable...The movie is not Bad but I'm glad I did not catch it at the theater...It's one of those films that had potential on paper but ended up with the wrong Director/Screenwriter...You have to watch it a 2nd time to pick up the things you miseed the first-go-round...

X-Men Apocalypse- After one and forty five minutes it was alredy too much for me, it's a cool movie to watch but ohh boy so full of clichés and common place here and there; it's the same shit with every heroe movie. Stop it already please, no more super heroes movies.

2/5

214 said:

morningsong said:

214 said:

X-Men Apocalypse- After one and forty five minutes it was alredy too much for me, it's a cool movie to watch but ohh boy so full of clichés and common place here and there; it's the same shit with every heroe movie. Stop it already please, no more super heroes movies.

2/5

I liked it most for it's humor, I laughed alot, so it wins many points for me. But you know I kept feeling it's not so much super hero-y or evolved humans as it is magical beings. That ending had me rolling my eyes, making rebuilding look so effortless. bippity bobbity bo. [Edited 5/30/16 15:25pm]

This is one of the things i hate the most in a super hero movie.

214 said:

214 said:

X-Men Apocalypse- After one and forty five minutes it was alredy too much for me, it's a cool movie to watch but ohh boy so full of clichés and common place here and there; it's the same shit with every heroe movie. Stop it already please, no more super heroes movies.

2/5

Doesn't seem to be your movie genre, does it? For many others, though, it is. I found the movie more enjoyable than what I was expecting due to some of the criticism it had been getting, and I left the theater entertained. Twice! It's all a matter of taste. For some, the best movies can bore the shit out of some people and they'll consider them the worst, and some people consider the worst movies as cult classics which they adore. I, myself, love comics and the superhero movie genre, but I understand that it isn't for everyone. To each their own.

Last night we watched "The Big Short" a/k/a "The Movie That Paralleled Some Parts of RodeoSchro's Career" a/k/a "The Movie RodeoSchro Told His Family He Didn't Need to Watch Because He Had Lived Most Of It". However, they made me watch it anyway.

They did not appreciate me telling them what was going to happen, and who was going to make money, and how much they were going to make. How ungrateful!

I have the perfect analogy for this movie but I'm saving it for last. WARNING - the analogy, while spot-on perfect, is kind of gross. You've been warned.

This movie is three or four different subplots about some smart guys (like me!) that saw the mortgage implosion coming. And the filmmakers did a pretty good job explaining why the meltdown occurred but they left out one very, very important point:

This was Bush's fault.

Rather than bore you with the details and minutiae about this, let's just cut to the chase: This is a pretty boring movie about a subject that, while important, is also boring. Not even the inclusion of Selena Gomez could spark this movie. Maybe more Selena Gomez would have helped. Actually, in my opinion, more Selena Gomez helps everything. Here's a great picture of her so you can see how right I am:




See? This is now your favorite post in this thread, isn't it?

Now, I could do the same with Brad Pitt, because he's in this movie too and I know how the ladies like him. But he didn't look good in that beard, so no Brad Pitt. Sorry ladies. Also, I believe Ryan Gosling was in this movie. I think he was the dude with the jet-black hair dye job. This is the first Ryan Gosling movie I've ever seen. I don't get the hype.

You know what bothered me most about this movie? All these dudes made $$$$$$$$$$ and none of them were happy about it. WTF was up with Christian Bale? Shucks, I would have rubbed his mentor's nose in this so hard it would have come out the back of his head. Instead, Bale takes his drum sticks and goes home. You'd think for a guy that just made $4 billion, he'd have had a little more pep in his step.

Same with Steve Carrell. His character was just stupid. No one on Wall Street acts that way.

In fact, no one on Wall Street acts ANYTHING like ANY of these characters. That lady at Standard and Poor's? Heck, I wrote model that S&P used for valuing subprime home equity loans back in the '90's. I know S&P pretty well. they don't have anyone like that lady or if they did, they kept her hidden in a closet.

But let's not make this a Politics and Religion thread. Let's just all agree that RodeoSchro's analysis is dead-on; that his plan as presented to his Congressman eventually became HARP; and that this was pretty much all Bush's fault. Further discussion can be had in P&R for those who want to be wrong and disagree with me.

Now, on to my analogy! Like I said, it's not pretty:

This movie is like earwax, It's kind of fun in the beginning, like when you're using that white pick thing and scooping copious quantities of fascinating matter out of your ear. How can so much gunk be in one ear?!? But then the novelty quickly wears off and all you're left looking at is some depressing brown sticky stuff in your sink, anticipating the joyless flushing of it into the sewer.

Because I know so much about this subject matter (mainly the mortgage meltdown but, sadly, also ear wax), I give this movie 1 1/2 ear wax picks out of 5 ear wax picks.

.

[Edited 6/1/16 8:46am]

Ace said:

I couldn't relate to any of the characters. To quote the Greek chorus in Mighty Aphrodite, " Of all human weaknesses, obsession is the most dangerous, and the silliest!" And Dakota Johnson's character's motivations were never made clear (at least not to me). Found her very one-note (but that may be a product of the direction).

Swinton and Fiennes were very good, but I found the other male lead very B-actor-y.

Some nice "set pieces", shot/editing choices and pretty production design. But this is a case where I differ with the critics. It just didn't move me.

I spent a lot of Act II wondering how much they paid for the Rolling Stones songs they used ("Worried About You", "Emotional Rescue", "Moon is Up" and "Heaven").

I liked this one a lot. Not as much as the director's previous collaboration with Tilda Swinton, I Am Love (one of my favorite films of the last ten years), but it's still a movie I'd love to watch again. I like that the daughter's intentions were left a mystery and that it wasn't even answered if she was in fact Harry's daughter for real. The two were just a pair of snakes infiltrating paradise.

Mortdecai

.

starring johnny depp. it was dang funny and mr. depp does an excellent job. highly recommend!

.

.

http://starseeker.com/2015-movies/mordecai-2014-johnny-depp-as-a-bumbling-art-collectorspy/

.

Mordecai is a crime caper comedy about a Charlie Mordecai, a debonair art dealer who has to juggle a whole lot of struggles while hunting down clues to a potential treasure of Nazi gold. It’s always Nazi gold. Those Nazis.

Russians are after him and the gold. The British MI5 is after the gold. Mordecai’s wife, a babe (well, Gwyneth Paltrow, so sorta), is giving him grief. He needs the code to a bank account.

But from what I gather he’s sorta bumbling. Ol’ Mordy (as I call him) isn’t exactly a super spy, a la James Bond, but he’s on the right track, and just needs to keep those after him off his tail long enough to bring the gold to ligh

[Edited 6/3/16 16:31pm]

RodeoSchro said:

Last night we watched "The Big Short" a/k/a "The Movie That Paralleled Some Parts of RodeoSchro's Career" a/k/a "The Movie RodeoSchro Told His Family He Didn't Need to Watch Because He Had Lived Most Of It". However, they made me watch it anyway.

They did not appreciate me telling them what was going to happen, and who was going to make money, and how much they were going to make. How ungrateful!

I have the perfect analogy for this movie but I'm saving it for last. WARNING - the analogy, while spot-on perfect, is kind of gross. You've been warned.

This movie is three or four different subplots about some smart guys (like me!) that saw the mortgage implosion coming. And the filmmakers did a pretty good job explaining why the meltdown occurred but they left out one very, very important point:

This was Bush's fault.

Rather than bore you with the details and minutiae about this, let's just cut to the chase: This is a pretty boring movie about a subject that, while important, is also boring. Not even the inclusion of Selena Gomez could spark this movie. Maybe more Selena Gomez would have helped. Actually, in my opinion, more Selena Gomez helps everything. Here's a great picture of her so you can see how right I am:




See? This is now your favorite post in this thread, isn't it?

Now, I could do the same with Brad Pitt, because he's in this movie too and I know how the ladies like him. But he didn't look good in that beard, so no Brad Pitt. Sorry ladies. Also, I believe Ryan Gosling was in this movie. I think he was the dude with the jet-black hair dye job. This is the first Ryan Gosling movie I've ever seen. I don't get the hype.

You know what bothered me most about this movie? All these dudes made $$$$$$$$$$ and none of them were happy about it. WTF was up with Christian Bale? Shucks, I would have rubbed his mentor's nose in this so hard it would have come out the back of his head. Instead, Bale takes his drum sticks and goes home. You'd think for a guy that just made $4 billion, he'd have had a little more pep in his step.

Same with Steve Carrell. His character was just stupid. No one on Wall Street acts that way.

In fact, no one on Wall Street acts ANYTHING like ANY of these characters. That lady at Standard and Poor's? Heck, I wrote model that S&P used for valuing subprime home equity loans back in the '90's. I know S&P pretty well. they don't have anyone like that lady or if they did, they kept her hidden in a closet.

But let's not make this a Politics and Religion thread. Let's just all agree that RodeoSchro's analysis is dead-on; that his plan as presented to his Congressman eventually became HARP; and that this was pretty much all Bush's fault. Further discussion can be had in P&R for those who want to be wrong and disagree with me.

Now, on to my analogy! Like I said, it's not pretty:

This movie is like earwax, It's kind of fun in the beginning, like when you're using that white pick thing and scooping copious quantities of fascinating matter out of your ear. How can so much gunk be in one ear?!? But then the novelty quickly wears off and all you're left looking at is some depressing brown sticky stuff in your sink, anticipating the joyless flushing of it into the sewer.

Because I know so much about this subject matter (mainly the mortgage meltdown but, sadly, also ear wax), I give this movie 1 1/2 ear wax picks out of 5 ear wax picks.

.

[Edited 6/1/16 8:46am]