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Thread started 03/11/16 10:46pm

GeorgieAto

after breaking up does no contact work?

i've been reading on various forums that after somebody breaks up with you and you still want them

back the best thing to do is not to beg them to come back to you but to do the opposite..go full no contact and make them wonder how come you havent contacted them and make them curious about what your doing...do you think this works?

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Reply #1 posted 03/12/16 12:21am

EmmaMcG

It all depends on the reason for the breakup. I'd say it would only work if she broke up with you and her reason for doing it was she "thinks" she needs to be apart or that she doesn't love you anymore. Then, I could see the no contact thing working. She might come to realise that she needs you more than you need her so if she doesn't contact you first, after a month or maybe more, you call her to see how she is and arrange to get together and see where things go.
However, if she really doesn't love you anymore, then it won't work, naturally.

In my experience, it's probably better to get on with your life and look for someone new. Try not to let yourself get caught up in whether your ex wants to get back together or not. Just get on with your life and if after some time has past she wants you back, then it's up to YOU to decide if you want her back. You might find that you've moved on though.
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Reply #2 posted 03/12/16 3:50am

purplethunder3
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Cut it off clean.

"Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination and life to everything." --Plato

https://youtu.be/CVwv9LZMah0
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Reply #3 posted 03/12/16 6:23am

CarrieMpls

Ex-Moderator

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If someone breaks up with you and you still want them, frankly there's nothing you can do. They are their own person who has already told you what they want - and that's to not be together.

The best thing to do for yourself is to have no contact so you can heal and not delude yourself into thinking you might be able to get back together.

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Reply #4 posted 03/12/16 6:47am

Pokeno4Money

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GeorgieAto said:

i've been reading on various forums that after somebody breaks up with you and you still want them

back the best thing to do is not to beg them to come back to you but to do the opposite..go full no contact and make them wonder how come you havent contacted them and make them curious about what your doing...do you think this works?


They won't respect you if you beg them to come back, so definitely don't do that.

What you want to do is hook up with her best friend (hopefully it's a girl) and guaranteed she'll come back to you.

"Never let nasty stalkers disrespect you. They start shit, you finish it. Go down to their level, that's the only way they'll understand. You have to handle things yourself."
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Reply #5 posted 03/12/16 12:05pm

NinaB

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Pokeno4Money said:



GeorgieAto said:


i've been reading on various forums that after somebody breaks up with you and you still want them


back the best thing to do is not to beg them to come back to you but to do the opposite..go full no contact and make them wonder how come you havent contacted them and make them curious about what your doing...do you think this works?




They won't respect you if you beg them to come back, so definitely don't do that.

What you want to do is hook up with her best friend (hopefully it's a girl) and guaranteed she'll come back to you.


...guaranteed hey? haha! with certain women at best you're guaranteed to get blanked 4 life, at worst a trip to A&E.
"We just let people talk & say whatever they want 2 say. 9 times out of 10, trust me, what's out there now, I wouldn't give nary one of these folks the time of day. That's why I don't say anything back, because there's so much that's wrong" - P, Dec '15
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Reply #6 posted 03/12/16 12:42pm

NinaB

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..oh & their right, don't beg.
"We just let people talk & say whatever they want 2 say. 9 times out of 10, trust me, what's out there now, I wouldn't give nary one of these folks the time of day. That's why I don't say anything back, because there's so much that's wrong" - P, Dec '15
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Reply #7 posted 03/12/16 12:43pm

NinaB

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CarrieMpls said:

If someone breaks up with you and you still want them, frankly there's nothing you can do. They are their own person who has already told you what they want - and that's to not be together.

The best thing to do for yourself is to have no contact so you can heal and not delude yourself into thinking you might be able to get back together.


Bingo.
"We just let people talk & say whatever they want 2 say. 9 times out of 10, trust me, what's out there now, I wouldn't give nary one of these folks the time of day. That's why I don't say anything back, because there's so much that's wrong" - P, Dec '15
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Reply #8 posted 03/12/16 1:17pm

nursev

Fuck love Im tired of trying lol as someone said "Cut it Off." lol

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Reply #9 posted 03/12/16 3:16pm

purplethunder3
121

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nursev said:

Fuck love Im tired of trying lol as someone said "Cut it Off." lol

Oh dear... I'm afraid that was me... lol boxed

"Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination and life to everything." --Plato

https://youtu.be/CVwv9LZMah0
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Reply #10 posted 03/12/16 8:00pm

nursev

purplethunder3121 said:

nursev said:

Fuck love Im tired of trying lol as someone said "Cut it Off." lol

Oh dear... I'm afraid that was me... lol boxed

n u were right lol

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Reply #11 posted 03/13/16 12:59pm

Beautifulstarr
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Breakups happen for a reason and the only thing you can do is move on and learn from them. If it's meant to be, through time, the relationship will make it's way back. Look at Phil Collins. Him and his wife re-married after 10 years apart. It all depends on the couple.
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Reply #12 posted 03/13/16 1:17pm

Connected

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purplethunder3121 said:

Cut it off clean.

Best advice.

Quickest way to grieve, heal and move on.

If she comes back...cool...if not, you will soon notice there are other options available.

You can always remember that you were lucky that you did know her - but that was just a moment in time.

It is a fact of life, that people will come in-and-out of your life...some encounters are fleeting...some stay for longer...but hopefully the encounters will be enriching.

~Shakalaka!~..... ~Mayday!~
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Reply #13 posted 03/13/16 5:38pm

GeorgieAto

Thank you all for the good advice I really appreciate it
I guess it's like that saying if it's meant to be it will be
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Reply #14 posted 03/13/16 8:22pm

Pokeno4Money

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GeorgieAto said:

Thank you all for the good advice I really appreciate it I guess it's like that saying if it's meant to be it will be


Not always though. People often use the "it wasn't meant to be" as an excuse for their behavior or mistakes, they use it as a way to avoid accountability.

If they break up with you because of something wrong you did, whether it be cheating or physical abuse or whatever, then you shouldn't use the "it wasn't meant to be" line. No, you weren't meant to be apart ... if you didn't screw up, you wouldn't be.

So I guess the question is, why did she break up with you? If it's because you screwed up, then you SHOULD apologize and show genuine remorse. If she doesn't accept your apology and give you another chance, then forget about her. Because if someone isn't willing to forgive (with the exception of serious offenses such as cheating, physical abuse, etc) then that's not somebody you'd want in your life longterm. Everybody screws up. Those who are quick to leave because of a screwup, never really intended to stay.

"Never let nasty stalkers disrespect you. They start shit, you finish it. Go down to their level, that's the only way they'll understand. You have to handle things yourself."
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Reply #15 posted 03/13/16 8:50pm

GeorgieAto

Pokeno4Money said:

GeorgieAto said:

Thank you all for the good advice I really appreciate it I guess it's like that saying if it's meant to be it will be


Not always though. People often use the "it wasn't meant to be" as an excuse for their behavior or mistakes, they use it as a way to avoid accountability.

If they break up with you because of something wrong you did, whether it be cheating or physical abuse or whatever, then you shouldn't use the "it wasn't meant to be" line. No, you weren't meant to be apart ... if you didn't screw up, you wouldn't be.

So I guess the question is, why did she break up with you? If it's because you screwed up, then you SHOULD apologize and show genuine remorse. If she doesn't accept your apology and give you another chance, then forget about her. Because if someone isn't willing to forgive (with the exception of serious offenses such as cheating, physical abuse, etc) then that's not somebody you'd want in your life longterm. Everybody screws up. Those who are quick to leave because of a screwup, never really intended to stay.

naw none of that.there's still love there on both sides..never had a fight or angry words its just right now both situations make it tough... like distance & family on both sides...in other words we can't be free at the moment to do what we want without stress on both sides..with the most stress being on her end..so i understand why it happened its just after 3 years i miss her

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Reply #16 posted 03/13/16 9:08pm

Pokeno4Money

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GeorgieAto said:

Pokeno4Money said:


Not always though. People often use the "it wasn't meant to be" as an excuse for their behavior or mistakes, they use it as a way to avoid accountability.

If they break up with you because of something wrong you did, whether it be cheating or physical abuse or whatever, then you shouldn't use the "it wasn't meant to be" line. No, you weren't meant to be apart ... if you didn't screw up, you wouldn't be.

So I guess the question is, why did she break up with you? If it's because you screwed up, then you SHOULD apologize and show genuine remorse. If she doesn't accept your apology and give you another chance, then forget about her. Because if someone isn't willing to forgive (with the exception of serious offenses such as cheating, physical abuse, etc) then that's not somebody you'd want in your life longterm. Everybody screws up. Those who are quick to leave because of a screwup, never really intended to stay.

naw none of that.there's still love there on both sides..never had a fight or angry words its just right now both situations make it tough... like distance & family on both sides...in other words we can't be free at the moment to do what we want without stress on both sides..with the most stress being on her end..so i understand why it happened its just after 3 years i miss her


Then I don't really understand why she hasn't made an attempt to stay in touch with you, since you split on good terms. Who knows, situations can change. I would still move on, but I'd keep in touch with her because you never know what the future will bring.

"Never let nasty stalkers disrespect you. They start shit, you finish it. Go down to their level, that's the only way they'll understand. You have to handle things yourself."
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Reply #17 posted 03/13/16 9:16pm

GeorgieAto

Pokeno4Money said:

GeorgieAto said:

naw none of that.there's still love there on both sides..never had a fight or angry words its just right now both situations make it tough... like distance & family on both sides...in other words we can't be free at the moment to do what we want without stress on both sides..with the most stress being on her end..so i understand why it happened its just after 3 years i miss her


Then I don't really understand why she hasn't made an attempt to stay in touch with you, since you split on good terms. Who knows, situations can change. I would still move on, but I'd keep in touch with her because you never know what the future will bring.

well its only been 2 days smile biggrin

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Reply #18 posted 03/14/16 10:26am

RodeoSchro

I guess I'd tell them that you still care for them and hope that one day you can get back together. Tell them that until that day, you'll do everything you can to prove you're the kind of person they would be proud to be with.

Don't beg, but don't cut off all contact. Just be a good person and accept what happens. Good luck!

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Reply #19 posted 03/14/16 11:23am

GeorgieAto

RodeoSchro said:

I guess I'd tell them that you still care for them and hope that one day you can get back together. Tell them that until that day, you'll do everything you can to prove you're the kind of person they would be proud to be with.

Don't beg, but don't cut off all contact. Just be a good person and accept what happens. Good luck!



Thanks!
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Reply #20 posted 03/14/16 11:40am

Connected

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GeorgieAto said:

Pokeno4Money said:


Then I don't really understand why she hasn't made an attempt to stay in touch with you, since you split on good terms. Who knows, situations can change. I would still move on, but I'd keep in touch with her because you never know what the future will bring.

well its only been 2 days smile biggrin

My girl just moved back abroad for her family - indefinitely, as her parents have hit a rough patch. sad

So we enjoyed our time before she left - and agreed that there will always be room for each other in our lives, whatever happens... biggrin

But, as it is indefinite, it would be unfair on either of us not to move on with our lives - romantically, if the right person came along... cool

But whatever, there will always be our friendship - and ultimately, all relationships must have that as a foundation... biggrin

If down the line - the stars align, then who knows - but until then just be there when she needs you...and you have to move on...

Cos if it ain't so...life does still go... wink

~Shakalaka!~..... ~Mayday!~
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Reply #21 posted 03/14/16 1:32pm

kitbradley

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Throw yourself a pity party for a few days and then move on. A clean break is best. The only time begging works is when YOU are the one who f*cked the relationship up. But even then, begging doesn't always work. It's depending on what you did.

"It's not nice to fuck with K.B.! All you haters will see!" - Kitbradley
"The only true wisdom is knowing you know nothing." - Socrates
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Reply #22 posted 03/14/16 5:10pm

Pokeno4Money

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GeorgieAto said:

Pokeno4Money said:


Then I don't really understand why she hasn't made an attempt to stay in touch with you, since you split on good terms. Who knows, situations can change. I would still move on, but I'd keep in touch with her because you never know what the future will bring.

well its only been 2 days smile biggrin


Ahhh ... I didn't know that! And when you said "after 3 years I miss her" I thought you meant you've been apart 3 years! lol

Yeah I'd move on, but if she contacts you then I'd still be friendly. I wouldn't give her the silent treatment, from what it sounds like she did nothing wrong.

"Never let nasty stalkers disrespect you. They start shit, you finish it. Go down to their level, that's the only way they'll understand. You have to handle things yourself."
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Reply #23 posted 03/14/16 11:06pm

nextedition

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GeorgieAto said:

i've been reading on various forums that after somebody breaks up with you and you still want them

back the best thing to do is not to beg them to come back to you but to do the opposite..go full no contact and make them wonder how come you havent contacted them and make them curious about what your doing...do you think this works?

The last part sounds like manipulating someone, not a good thing.

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Reply #24 posted 03/16/16 8:19am

Genesia

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GeorgieAto said:

i've been reading on various forums that after somebody breaks up with you and you still want them

back the best thing to do is not to beg them to come back to you but to do the opposite..go full no contact and make them wonder how come you havent contacted them and make them curious about what your doing...do you think this works?


No.

We don’t mourn artists because we knew them. We mourn them because they helped us know ourselves.
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Reply #25 posted 03/16/16 1:14pm

bobzilla77

Probably the most universally attractive trait in a potential mate, is confidence. If you can focus on making your life the kind of life you wnt, that will translate to making you more attractive.

Don't prostrate yourself to get back in her good graces right away. A happy person leading a good life, is what you want people to see when they look at you.

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Reply #26 posted 03/16/16 1:31pm

Graycap23

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Let it go.

Love who loves you.

FOOLS multiply when WISE Men & Women are silent.
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Reply #27 posted 03/16/16 2:06pm

Connected

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bobzilla77 said:

Probably the most universally attractive trait in a potential mate, is confidence. If you can focus on making your life the kind of life you wnt, that will translate to making you more attractive.

Don't prostrate yourself to get back in her good graces right away. A happy person leading a good life, is what you want people to see when they look at you.

I love this post...it is beautiful!

"If you are lonely when you are alone...then you are in bad company" - Jean Paul Sartre

~Shakalaka!~..... ~Mayday!~
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Reply #28 posted 03/16/16 3:26pm

GeorgieAto

bobzilla77 said:

Probably the most universally attractive trait in a potential mate, is confidence. If you can focus on making your life the kind of life you wnt, that will translate to making you more attractive.


Don't prostrate yourself to get back in her good graces right away. A happy person leading a good life, is what you want people to see when they look at you.



Very nice thank you
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Reply #29 posted 03/16/16 3:44pm

missfee

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Yes cut off all contact and never look back. It's the best gift you could give yourself, trust me. Wish I would've done this with a relationship I had in my 20's. It would've saved me so much pain, time and tears. I now know better. nod
[Edited 3/16/16 15:52pm]
I will forever love and miss you...my sweet Prince.
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