Superfan1984 said:

PurpleJedi---- One friend asked to borrow 400 and what was messed up about that was that we had JUST reconnected on FB and hadn't seen one another in 10 years so at first he was really sucking up to me then asked to borrow $ and I felt bad that I couldn't lend it but then also thought, "Is this why he came on so strong? because he needed money and thought I had it?" --- I nicely said I couldn't and now haven't heard from him any more. Second person didn't say borrow he just said, "Hey, ____ can you throw me fifty bucks? I need gas money etc.?" and then when I said I really couldn't right then and then like a spaz, went on to tell him all I have going on financially, he said, "Oh come on, I know you've got fifty bucks!" ------ so now I haven't heard from him anymore either.

So first person is not a "friend" but rather an acquaintance.
No need to feel bad about it. Not one bit. Sounds suspicious the way you detailed it.

Second person whether you knew him weel enough or not, also not a real friend if that $50 spoiled your relationship. Unless he somehow felt that you "owed" him for any favors or whatever (people are like that) he really shouldn't take offense at an honest answer.

People in general throw words around like "friends" or "love" without really understanding the true nature of them. A friend is someone who is there for you, a confidant, through thick or thin, without ANY expectations of compensation or favors.
Just my

Superfan1984 said:

Thank you, PurpleJedi. I agree with all you said, the reason I think I "feel bad" because I couldn't give $ was because I do know that both of these people ARE struggling and have had a rough time of it (one lost his job, the other has had drug issues and family has cut him off) so you're right- it's not that I'm close with either one of them, but I know their struggles are legit and that makes me feel bad that I can't help, but also pissed off that I'm made to feel like, "Captain Save a ho" --- haha - bad joke from that HBO special -- some prostitute said that about another.... anyway, I wish both of them the best -----

The main thing is that you recognize the importance - or lack thereof - of these people in your life and NOT allow their negativity to affect you.

Your thread hints at some sort of angst or conflict over the issue. Wipe it out of your mind. Unless you're at Bill Gates status and have the luxury of sitting back and trying to save the world, don't even give it another thought....no Captain Save A Anything.

PurpleJedi said:

Superfan1984 said:

Thank you, PurpleJedi. I agree with all you said, the reason I think I "feel bad" because I couldn't give $ was because I do know that both of these people ARE struggling and have had a rough time of it (one lost his job, the other has had drug issues and family has cut him off) so you're right- it's not that I'm close with either one of them, but I know their struggles are legit and that makes me feel bad that I can't help, but also pissed off that I'm made to feel like, "Captain Save a ho" --- haha - bad joke from that HBO special -- some prostitute said that about another.... anyway, I wish both of them the best -----

The main thing is that you recognize the importance - or lack thereof - of these people in your life and NOT allow their negativity to affect you.

Your thread hints at some sort of angst or conflict over the issue. Wipe it out of your mind. Unless you're at Bill Gates status and have the luxury of sitting back and trying to save the world, don't even give it another thought....no Captain Save A Anything.

say... Jedi...

could you be so kind as to start a "gofundme" account in my name and be the first to make a substancial donation (it will show others incentive)... send me the account info in an orgnote

PurpleJedi said:

Superfan1984 said:

PurpleJedi---- One friend asked to borrow 400 and what was messed up about that was that we had JUST reconnected on FB and hadn't seen one another in 10 years so at first he was really sucking up to me then asked to borrow $ and I felt bad that I couldn't lend it but then also thought, "Is this why he came on so strong? because he needed money and thought I had it?" --- I nicely said I couldn't and now haven't heard from him any more. Second person didn't say borrow he just said, "Hey, ____ can you throw me fifty bucks? I need gas money etc.?" and then when I said I really couldn't right then and then like a spaz, went on to tell him all I have going on financially, he said, "Oh come on, I know you've got fifty bucks!" ------ so now I haven't heard from him anymore either.

So first person is not a "friend" but rather an acquaintance.
No need to feel bad about it. Not one bit. Sounds suspicious the way you detailed it.

Second person whether you knew him weel enough or not, also not a real friend if that $50 spoiled your relationship. Unless he somehow felt that you "owed" him for any favors or whatever (people are like that) he really shouldn't take offense at an honest answer.

People in general throw words around like "friends" or "love" without really understanding the true nature of them. A friend is someone who is there for you, a confidant, through thick or thin, without ANY expectations of compensation or favors.
Just my

Agreed. However, there could be a booty call amendment to the beforehand mentioned "friend" definition!

I haven't lent money since 2014 after three decades... I have seen the horseshit I will pay you back promises. No one deserves to get a loan from a loved one because in the end it will end up being an unpaid lie. Next time a person asks for a loan… just tell it to go and fuck itself and tell it to either find a job or manage your budget. I have no time for cunts that are shit with their money and there are plenty of those around. I have no time for beggers too!

Superfan1984 said:

Thank you, PurpleJedi. I agree with all you said, the reason I think I "feel bad" because I couldn't give $ was because I do know that both of these people ARE struggling and have had a rough time of it (one lost his job, the other has had drug issues and family has cut him off) so you're right- it's not that I'm close with either one of them, but I know their struggles are legit and that makes me feel bad that I can't help, but also pissed off that I'm made to feel like, "Captain Save a ho" --- haha - bad joke from that HBO special -- some prostitute said that about another.... anyway, I wish both of them the best -----

Something I learned is that you cannot save people from themselves. You should never feel bad for not being a chump.

I once had an acquaintance who was the mother of one of my son's friends. She hardly knew me but asked me for fifty dollars one day. She swore up and down that she would pay me back the following week but I never heard from her again and I never mentioned it to her son.

To this day it hasn't dawned on her that I already knew I'd never see that money again.

KingBAD said:

PurpleJedi said:

The main thing is that you recognize the importance - or lack thereof - of these people in your life and NOT allow their negativity to affect you.

Your thread hints at some sort of angst or conflict over the issue. Wipe it out of your mind. Unless you're at Bill Gates status and have the luxury of sitting back and trying to save the world, don't even give it another thought....no Captain Save A Anything.

say... Jedi...

could you be so kind as to start a "gofundme" account in my name and be the first to make a substancial donation (it will show others incentive)... send me the account info in an orgnote

By "substantial" I assume that you mean whatever pocket change is leftover from getting a coffee at Starbucks with a $2 bill.

PurpleJedi said:

KingBAD said:

say... Jedi...

could you be so kind as to start a "gofundme" account in my name and be the first to make a substancial donation (it will show others incentive)... send me the account info in an orgnote

By "substantial" I assume that you mean whatever pocket change is leftover from getting a coffee at Starbucks with a $2 bill.

LOLOLOL....

PurpleJedi said:

KingBAD said:

say... Jedi...

could you be so kind as to start a "gofundme" account in my name and be the first to make a substancial donation (it will show others incentive)... send me the account info in an orgnote

By "substantial" I assume that you mean whatever pocket change is leftover from getting a coffee at Starbucks with a $2 bill.

i did not realize things were so tight for you, so

FOR YOU, i will accept that as 'substantial'...

remember... you poor people make up more

of the population and that 'change' adds up...

LETS MAKE THAT HAPPEN

babynoz said:

PurpleJedi said:

By "substantial" I assume that you mean whatever pocket change is leftover from getting a coffee at Starbucks with a $2 bill.

LOLOLOL....

shame on you for laffin at him...

his lil change is like the drummer boy's "rum pum pum pum"

[Edited 7/6/15 21:50pm]

KingBAD said:

babynoz said:

LOLOLOL....

smae on you for laffin at him...

his lil change is like the drummer boy's "rum pum pum pum"

Sometimes I lend money to friends and relatives in dire need but then again, there are some friends and relatives I stopped speaking with because they didn´t give me my money back, or were late, or never even mentioned it again. To me, it is not a financial matter but rather a matter of trust and respect. I´m ok with people not being able to give me my money back. What I don´t tolerate is when they are such cowards that they beat around the bush or simply ignore the topic. Shows you their true character.

It´s like that scene in Robert De Niro´s A Bronx Tale....sometimes its better if you don´t get your money back because that way, the asshole owing you money tends to avoid seeing you, which can be a blessing.

littlemissG said:

Superfan1984 said:

My question is, am I right in being pissed off? Can I just say no without offering up an explanation?

Yes. You don't owe an one an explanation. Your finances are your business. If they understood how to handle money they probably wouldn't be hitting you up twice. Don't allow a "loan" from you become a regular source of income for them.

The guy who lives across the hall from me recently knocked on my door, asking if I could loan him $20.00 because he was out of money, etc., etc. I told him, "No, I can't give you any money; I'm in the same boat as you are!" I'm far from rich right now myself. I work three part-time jobs (including a business of my own that I'm trying to get off the ground). I can barely make ends as it is; it's a struggle. If I had the money and knew for sure that this guy would pay me back, I would gladly have loaned him the $20.00. I'm very leary of giving anybody money, unless they are a trusted family member or friend. As others said, people can swear up and down that they will pay you back, but that does not always mean that they will come through.

Then there's the same neighbor's step-daughter, who is ALWAYS asking for shit. :eyeroll: Not money, but for other stuff (curling iron, etc. etc.). She's the kind of person who, if you help her out, wants yet more stuff from you. I'm all for helping people out, but this chick drives me nuts with her constant, "Do you have this, do you have that", requests. She's like a pesky fly buzzing in my ear. I feel like saying, "What the hell do I look like, a damn Walmart store? If you need something, you need to get it yourself. You're an adult; figure it out!" It's gotten to the point where if she calls me or texts me, I just ignore her. I hate to do that, but like I said, the more you do for this chick, the more she expects out of you. She called me once at around 3 am. Luckily, I had the ringer on my cell phone turned off, so I didn't hear the call coming in. She's damn lucky, because I'm the kind of person who HATES getting woken up. I would have been pissed at her, and would have told her, "Do you know what time it is? Why are you calling me now!?" Some people have no damn manners.

Can I have some money!

Superfan1984 said:

lol---- hilarious--- yes, people are damn crazy!

When I first met this chick, she said to me, "If you need anything at all, just let me know. I feel close to you." WTF, I have never had anyone say that to me upon first meeting me. Now I think back to her comment, and say to myself, "Yeah, you said that to me so that I could do shit for you". Deep down inside, I think she knows that she's a pain in the ass, because she always begins or ends her requests with the words, "Sorry to bother you". Like I said, I found that if I ignore her, she'll leave me alone (which is a-okay by me). I've got enough problems of my own, anyway, I can't play Superwoman for this chick.

Superfan1984 said:

lmao---- I used to have a friend who used to always tell me, when new people came around, "No eye contact!" ---- that's a good rule for people like that, just keep going and keep your eyes to the ground!

True!