independent and unofficial
Prince fan community site
Wed 22nd Nov 2017 7:34pm
Welcome! Sign up or enter username and password to remember me
Forum jump
Forums > General Discussion > Question for the Men in the room....
« Previous topic  Next topic »
Page 1 of 2 12>
  New topic   Printable     (Log in to 'subscribe' to this topic)
Author

Tweet     Share

Message
Thread started 05/21/15 9:25am

missfee

avatar

Question for the Men in the room....

If you don't pursue a woman especially when it appears that there could be some attraction in the air, does that mean you don't know how to approach her or is it the case of "you just aren't that into her"?

I ask because of the common topic of women approaching men first, or women making the first move when it appears that a man that they are attracted to is "taking too long" to approach them. In my mind, if there is some attraction going on between me and a guy I'm crushing on but he doesn't ever make the next move, I interpret that as he just isn't into me and so I move on. Not that I haven't ever approached a man first, but normally, that's my general thought.

Shall we have a friendly discussion about it??? coffee

[Edited 5/21/15 10:28am]

I will forever love and miss you...my sweet Prince.
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #1 posted 05/21/15 10:20am

PolkaDots

avatar

wave

I'd like to know about this too

  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #2 posted 05/21/15 10:45am

PurpleJedi

avatar

For a shy guy lurking it could be either/or.

Either he likes you but is intimidated for some reason, or, he isn't into you.

I realize that men typically are aggressive in approaching women, but introverted/shy guys will need a clear sign before making that dreaded move. So making that first move may be just what the doctor ordered.

If the guy is NOT shy and doesn't make good on the signs/hints, then he's not interested.

At least, that's my take on things. shrug

By St. Boogar and all the saints at the backside door of Purgatory!
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #3 posted 05/21/15 4:34pm

Ace

avatar

PurpleJedi said:

For a shy guy lurking it could be either/or.

Either he likes you but is intimidated for some reason, or, he isn't into you.

I realize that men typically are aggressive in approaching women, but introverted/shy guys will need a clear sign before making that dreaded move. So making that first move may be just what the doctor ordered.

If the guy is NOT shy and doesn't make good on the signs/hints, then he's not interested.

At least, that's my take on things. shrug


I would concur with PJ, re: shy guys.


I would wager that most not-shy guys who are definitely interested would make a move. And most women seem to be more attracted to not-shy guys, so I'm going to guess that the guy in question is of the not-shy variety (am I right, missfee?).


So (not having observed the behavior, of course) my inclination would be to think that this guy is not interested in pursuing a sexual relationship.


Only one way to be sure, of course: Ask him out.


That said, I should state that I think happiness is far easier to achieve when you're on your own - if you can see through the greener-grass propaganda that surrounds coupledom.


In short: I no longer advise anyone to pursue "romantic" relationships, because I firmly believe that - ultimately - their negatives far outweigh their positives. shrug

"Only his writing was calm. His writing which - in more ways than one - had saved his life."
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #4 posted 05/21/15 5:11pm

Graycap23

avatar

There are several reasons why and the answer is all over the map. Most guys don't have enough game 2 court a woman.
Correct a wise man and u create a leader. Correct a FOOL and u create an enemy.
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #5 posted 05/21/15 6:05pm

excited

avatar

If you've been flirting with a bloke & he ignores your efforts then he's not into you.. I would think it unlikely he doesn't understand your intentions.
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #6 posted 05/21/15 8:21pm

Lammastide

avatar

I also think there are several possible reasons a guy might not hit on a woman...

* He isn't that into the woman

* He's shy or has no game (and knows it)

* He's neither shy nor disinterested -- and possibly does have game -- but he believes his advances might be unwanted or inappropriate under the circumstances, and is just trying to be tactful by not bugging the woman. In this situation, again, the guy must have a crystal clear notion that his advances are welcome

Amid all this, if you see a guy you want and aren't sure of his position, don't be afraid to be the aggressor. I see no reason why women shouldn't be.

[Edited 5/21/15 20:29pm]

Ὅσον ζῇς φαίνου
μηδὲν ὅλως σὺ λυποῦ
πρὸς ὀλίγον ἐστὶ τὸ ζῆν
τὸ τέλος ὁ χρόνος ἀπαιτεῖ.”
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #7 posted 05/22/15 3:41am

Ace

avatar

excited said:

I would think it unlikely he doesn't understand your intentions.


yeahthat

"Only his writing was calm. His writing which - in more ways than one - had saved his life."
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #8 posted 05/22/15 3:54am

Ace

avatar

Lammastide said:

* He's neither shy nor disinterested -- and possibly does have game -- but he believes his advances might be unwanted or inappropriate under the circumstances, and is just trying to be tactful by not bugging the woman. In this situation, again, the guy must have a crystal clear notion that his advances are welcome


Possible (but, I'd say, unlikely). That said...

I used to have an employee who was much younger than me (we're talkin' a 25-year age difference). I definitely got the feeling she was crushing on me and she was very cute. She used to come to me and ask if I wanted to take a cigarette break together (which I did often).

Long story short: I never hit on her because she was an employee.


But I would think that most guys in this situation would go for it.

...Not that I'm so wonderful. lol I'd just been lucky enough to have arrived at a place where I realized the potentially-disastrous far outweighed the potentially-pleasurable boff in this situation.

"Only his writing was calm. His writing which - in more ways than one - had saved his life."
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #9 posted 05/22/15 4:29am

JoeTyler

avatar

at this point, I don't truly care anymore

I admit that nowadays I'm too damn lazy/jaded to even make eye contact with a woman

sex? been there, done that...; love-settling down? perhaps, but not right now (not even 30)

sorry if my asnwer was kind of pointless-not juicy to the OP

edit

well, now that I think about it, perhaps that's my answer: the "intense sex drive-high levels of testosterone" of the 15-25 yo era is not meant to last forever shrug

[Edited 5/22/15 4:35am]

tinkerbell
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #10 posted 05/22/15 4:34am

Ace

avatar

JoeTyler said:

sex? been there, done that


yeahthat

"Only his writing was calm. His writing which - in more ways than one - had saved his life."
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #11 posted 05/22/15 5:31am

Graycap23

avatar

Lammastide said:

I also think there are several possible reasons a guy might not hit on a woman...

* He isn't that into the woman

* He's shy or has no game (and knows it)

* He's neither shy nor disinterested -- and possibly does have game -- but he believes his advances might be unwanted or inappropriate under the circumstances, and is just trying to be tactful by not bugging the woman. In this situation, again, the guy must have a crystal clear notion that his advances are welcome

Amid all this, if you see a guy you want and aren't sure of his position, don't be afraid to be the aggressor. I see no reason why women shouldn't be.

[Edited 5/21/15 20:29pm]

That.........or he could simply be flirting......or has a girlfriend.

Correct a wise man and u create a leader. Correct a FOOL and u create an enemy.
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #12 posted 05/22/15 5:38am

missfee

avatar

Ace said:



PurpleJedi said:


For a shy guy lurking it could be either/or.

Either he likes you but is intimidated for some reason, or, he isn't into you.

I realize that men typically are aggressive in approaching women, but introverted/shy guys will need a clear sign before making that dreaded move. So making that first move may be just what the doctor ordered.

If the guy is NOT shy and doesn't make good on the signs/hints, then he's not interested.

At least, that's my take on things. shrug





I would concur with PJ, re: shy guys.



I would wager that most not-shy guys who are definitely interested would make a move. And most women seem to be more attracted to not-shy guys, so I'm going to guess that the guy in question is of the not-shy variety (am I right, missfee?).



So (not having observed the behavior, of course) my inclination would be to think that this guy is not interested in pursuing a sexual relationship.



Only one way to be sure, of course: Ask him out.



That said, I should state that I think happiness is far easier to achieve when you're on your own - if you can see through the greener-grass propaganda that surrounds coupledom.



In short: I no longer advise anyone to pursue "romantic" relationships, because I firmly believe that - ultimately - their negatives far outweigh their positives. shrug


Well I haven't been crushing on anyone lately, the last guy I had a crush on was probably a few months ago but we work together so I know what the deal is in that. I don't prefer to date co-workers at all to avoid messy situations. I just came across this topic on another website I visit frequently and it got me to thinking about this topic so I decided to post it here and get some feedback.

My friends frequently tell me that when men are interested in me that I miss the signals and probably come off as not interested. Sorry but I guess I'm just more of a straight forward type person, I'd rather have a man just come out and say can I have your number or do you want to go out for coffee or drinks or whatever rather than to tell corny jokes or drop hints that "maybe" he's interested in me. I hate playing the round-about games of "if he's showing this much attention why doesn't he just say lets go out rather than doing all these foolish antics instead"? If I'm feeling him and he's feeling me but it seems he's avoiding asking me out then I just cut my losses and move on. And by me thinking this way, perhaps I come off as standoffish, I don't know. Now that I'm in my early 30's, I just feel that I'm too old to be playing the guessing game.

Interesting that you say that you don't advise anyone to pursue romantic relationships. Could you explain more about this?
[Edited 5/22/15 5:41am]
I will forever love and miss you...my sweet Prince.
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #13 posted 05/22/15 8:07am

Ace

avatar

missfee said:

Interesting that you say that you don't advise anyone to pursue romantic relationships. Could you explain more about this?


I think people are ultimately happiest when they are free to do (or not do) what they want, when they want:



"Only his writing was calm. His writing which - in more ways than one - had saved his life."
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #14 posted 05/22/15 1:01pm

LovesexyIsThe1

avatar

missfee said:

If you don't pursue a woman especially when it appears that there could be some attraction in the air, does that mean you don't know how to approach her or is it the case of "you just aren't that into her"?


I can only speak for myself, but as the local neighborhood player, I will give you an example of what goes through my mind, when it comes to approaching a woman:

I see her, she's hot. If I can catch her eyeing me, the rest is easy. If she is not eying me, I usually come up with something casual to say, just to catch her vibe. If she gives me a friendly vibe, the rest is easy. If she's not friendly, I usually play nice and then walk away.

If she has a boyfriend or a lot of other men hitting on her, I won't go near her. If she's that hot and I want her, I'll catch her eye and make gestures about the clown's falling all over her. Then I ignore her until she approaches me.

One thing is for certain, before approaching any woman for any reason (especially if it's in hopes of scoring), I have to ask myself a few questions: How much effort is it worth, for me to invest time in this woman? Once I decide to put forth such effort, how long will I humor her until she becomes a problem? If she has a dramatic personality, is she worth persuing? It's a split second decision, but if I don't like the answers to those questions once revealed upon talkiing to her, I will not even waste my time.

Lovesexy Funkateer
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #15 posted 05/22/15 1:12pm

Abdul

missfee said:

If you don't pursue a woman especially when it appears that there could be some attraction in the air, does that mean you don't know how to approach her or is it the case of "you just aren't that into her"?

In my case missfee, If I'm interested I make the first move, if I'm not I won't. She'll be friend zoned biggrin

  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #16 posted 05/22/15 1:14pm

Abdul

Lammastide said:


Amid all this, if you see a guy you want and aren't sure of his position, don't be afraid to be the aggressor. I see no reason why women shouldn't be.

[Edited 5/21/15 20:29pm]

nod

  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #17 posted 05/25/15 2:20am

DaveT

avatar

Dude call already be married or have a girlfriend. I had this at works party a little while back, nice woman was being very polite and flirty but when I didn't respond she huffed off and whinged to her friend that I wasn't responding. She felt a bit silly when my friend told her I was married.

www.filmsfilmsfilms.co.uk - The internet's best movie site!
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #18 posted 05/25/15 5:23am

PolkaDots

avatar

I tend to think I am not fitting in anybody's standart. I found my balance and appreciate being single since I really found myself, and my inner light

So for a long time I've been doing enough with short relationships and now I completely stopped all of this.

If a man is somehow into me, he will have to show it more than by giving me some hints.

  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #19 posted 05/25/15 5:24am

BobGeorge909

avatar

I prefer to be persued, but realize I ain't no huge catch. So I will, and do make first contact, but it is usually after some reluctance or at least a pause to allow a persuit. Having some insight though...I would say most(not all....at all) reluctance is out of a lack of interest. Several issuses will be huge red flags despite some interest so she will be put on back burner until options get sparse.

Some guys, like me, are just very shy, so if u dig a dude, go ahead and but your best titty out there and see what happens. But I know...that fear of rejection is a motherfucker.
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #20 posted 05/25/15 5:55am

BobGeorge909

avatar

missfee said:

Ace said:



PurpleJedi said:


For a shy guy lurking it could be either/or.

Either he likes you but is intimidated for some reason, or, he isn't into you.

I realize that men typically are aggressive in approaching women, but introverted/shy guys will need a clear sign before making that dreaded move. So making that first move may be just what the doctor ordered.

If the guy is NOT shy and doesn't make good on the signs/hints, then he's not interested.

At least, that's my take on things. shrug





I would concur with PJ, re: shy guys.



I would wager that most not-shy guys who are definitely interested would make a move. And most women seem to be more attracted to not-shy guys, so I'm going to guess that the guy in question is of the not-shy variety (am I right, missfee?).



So (not having observed the behavior, of course) my inclination would be to think that this guy is not interested in pursuing a sexual relationship.



Only one way to be sure, of course: Ask him out.



That said, I should state that I think happiness is far easier to achieve when you're on your own - if you can see through the greener-grass propaganda that surrounds coupledom.



In short: I no longer advise anyone to pursue "romantic" relationships, because I firmly believe that - ultimately - their negatives far outweigh their positives. shrug


Well I haven't been crushing on anyone lately, the last guy I had a crush on was probably a few months ago but we work together so I know what the deal is in that. I don't prefer to date co-workers at all to avoid messy situations. I just came across this topic on another website I visit frequently and it got me to thinking about this topic so I decided to post it here and get some feedback.

My friends frequently tell me that when men are interested in me that I miss the signals and probably come off as not interested. Sorry but I guess I'm just more of a straight forward type person, I'd rather have a man just come out and say can I have your number or do you want to go out for coffee or drinks or whatever rather than to tell corny jokes or drop hints that "maybe" he's interested in me. I hate playing the round-about games of "if he's showing this much attention why doesn't he just say lets go out rather than doing all these foolish antics instead"? If I'm feeling him and he's feeling me but it seems he's avoiding asking me out then I just cut my losses and move on. And by me thinking this way, perhaps I come off as standoffish, I don't know. Now that I'm in my early 30's, I just feel that I'm too old to be playing the guessing game.

Interesting that you say that you don't advise anyone to pursue romantic relationships. Could you explain more about this?
[Edited 5/22/15 5:41am]

Haha...I guess I'm a fan of the foolish antic. I play and flirt around a lot without making obvious moves. But in a simpleton fashion...if a woman does the same i get frustrated and say to myself 'just say what the fuck u want bitch,'..lol. I'm so hypocritical.
[Edited 5/25/15 5:56am]
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #21 posted 05/25/15 6:42am

PolkaDots

avatar

lol. At least you recognize it...

  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #22 posted 05/25/15 7:41am

Identity

I was a bashful and bespectacled adolescent, yet girls used to approach me first because they found me handsome. wink By then, I understood it was best that I did the pursuing. And I loved the thrill of the chase!



If a guy is really interested in you, he will for the most part ask you out.



[Edited 5/25/15 8:08am]

Fear no evil.
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #23 posted 05/25/15 7:46pm

ZombieKitten

avatar

excited said:

If you've been flirting with a bloke & he ignores your efforts then he's not into you.. I would think it unlikely he doesn't understand your intentions.

From what guys are saying all the time all they are thinking when a woman is talking is "is she flirting with me?" And most of they time think she is, even when she's not at all
I'm the mistake you wanna make
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #24 posted 05/25/15 9:08pm

wouldntulove2l
oveme

It could be that he's into you but it just isn't the right time in his life for a relationship.

If a man is considered guilty
For what goes on in his mind
Then give me the electric chair
For all my future crimes"
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #25 posted 05/26/15 2:11am

PolkaDots

avatar

wouldntulove2loveme said:

It could be that he's into you but it just isn't the right time in his life for a relationship.

Ok. Let's focus. Should the other concerned wait until Mr. / Mrs is ready for him or her ?

Sometimes when you really want or love someone it's not later or sooner, cuz the other one is in the situation where he can't fit to anybody else.

Nothing or nobody lasts for ever.

  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #26 posted 05/26/15 5:09am

missfee

avatar

wouldntulove2loveme said:

It could be that he's into you but it just isn't the right time in his life for a relationship.

hmmm

I will forever love and miss you...my sweet Prince.
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #27 posted 05/26/15 5:11am

missfee

avatar

Identity said:

I was a bashful and bespectacled adolescent, yet girls used to approach me first because they found me handsome. wink By then, I understood it was best that I did the pursuing. And I loved the thrill of the chase!



If a guy is really interested in you, he will for the most part ask you out.



[Edited 5/25/15 8:08am]

Makes sense to me!

I will forever love and miss you...my sweet Prince.
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #28 posted 05/28/15 5:47am

phoenixrising

I have to read the question slower.
I thought you were asking about men's bathrooms
  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Reply #29 posted 05/28/15 2:50pm

XxAxX

avatar

phoenixrising said:

I have to read the question slower. I thought you were asking about men's bathrooms

smile

[Edited 5/29/15 7:24am]

  - E-mail - orgNote - Report post to moderator
Page 1 of 2 12>
  New topic   Printable     (Log in to 'subscribe' to this topic)
« Previous topic  Next topic »
Forums > General Discussion > Question for the Men in the room....