I'm a 30 yr old guy, who happens to be a victim. I'm just a guy whos having a lot of trouble standing his ground. Most of the time, people are nice to me and I very solemn go through any confortation. But every once in a while, there's always somebody who's doing me wrong and I find it hard to stand up for myself, fearing what that person will do or say to me if I did or said something back.

First of all, I'm not a little guy. I'm a big dude, about 6'1, 260 lbs. Thats the trip about it. I would think people would sort of back off and respected me a little more because of my size, but thats not always the case. See, the thing about me is that I'm very quiet and shy. People have labeled me as timid. I have a complex about how I look and I cant fight. When people get upset or raise their voice at me, I get nervous. For years, I've been treated wrong, talked to pretty bad, mainly because of how I acted. People have taken advantage of me, used me, bullied me and drove me to the point where I even thought about suicide.

I would like to think that working out will increase my confidence but I doubt it. There's got to be a way for me to know how to stand up for myself because throughout life, I cannot avoid people. There's a plant operator at my day job right now who sometimes scream and yell at me in front of everybody, talking to me any kind of way. The black women I work with are loud but I'm quiet. It's natural for them to stand up for themselves, but its hard for me.

If I stood up for myself, I think it'll make the confortation worst and more intense. I can see the plant operator saying something like "Excuse me? Dont you get smart with me" and we argue and she swings at me or something. It's hard for me to deal with confrontation because I dont deal with it that often.

I dont like being around people and thats another reason for my shyness, not being around them. There had been times where I was forced to date girls I didnt want just to boost my confidence with girls in general. It is so sad because here I am, going on 31 and still getting bullied. You wouldnt think someone my size and my age will still get picked on. People may say "You need to stick up for yourself, dont let people walk all over you" or "Youre scared to hurt their feelings, after they hurt your feelings. Speak your mind" but its not that easy.

Some people had even threaten me to speak my mind "He bet not say nothing". That pisses me off.

When I was in middle/ high school, I've been beaten up for sticking up for myself. A guy would put his hands on me, I hit him back and I was destroyed. Im hoping things dont get that bad now.

I got picked on at every job for being "timid". I need to know an easier way to feel confident and not let people dog me all the time. Please help.

You are a perfect being, created by a God who doesn't make mistakes. Understand that and you will never feel inadequate again!

"Is there some mature male you may know who can mentor/counsel you in some way?"

"Refrain from moaning, seeking pity etc."

THIS!!

Go to God. Only He has the answers you seek. When people see and know you are a man of God, they will respect you.

As far as a supervisor swinging at you, if that does happen, you won't have to worry about her anymore because she will be immediately terminated.

Forget the "god' stuff, do what NinaB said. Work out, take martial arts and get a serious attitude adjustment. Turn youself into a lean, mean fighting machine. Don't be afraid to make a mfer bleed if you have to. It's a cold, cruel world and folks WILL take advantage of you if they perceive you to be "soft".

I'm quiet, introverted and avoid confrontation as much as possible, but if some fool crosses the line and touches me, it's all over, man or woman. I'm @60lbs lighter than you, but it's not about size, it's about heart.

NinaB said:

Also, stop telling people/showing people your weaknesses, they will see you as easy pickings. If you label yourself as a "victim" & "timid" & that is the energy you send out you will attract the very sort of attention you don't want. Throw those words away. Watch how u carry yourself, shoulders back, chin up, look people in the eye, firm handshake, put some volume & bass in your voice etc. Refrain from moaning, seeking pity etc. I don't want to be mean but you sound a lot younger than your chronological age. Is there some mature male you may know who can mentor /counsel you in some way? [Edited 4/13/15 17:07pm]

I think this is excellent advice. I was very un-confident with women all through high school and self-labelled myself as "undateable". Even on the rare occasion that someone expressed interest, I was so insecure I would end up acting the fool and skeeving them out.

But finally I managed to see myself as someone women might be interested in, and carrying myself that way. Guess what, it kind of worked. The whole world shifted.

Less be clear, professional relationships vs family / personal relationships.

The former...

1. Get out a some paper and count down to the last penny, what it takes for you to, pay rent / utilites, car payment, credit card, insurance(s), food, net... whatever. Determine the bills you can payoff and the things you can live without.. for a short time or have a work around to meet your needs.

2. Read you company guidlines on conduct and performance. Make sure you can say you know your job backwards and forwards.... make sure you follow your companies guidlines to the tee. You know the drill

3. Spruce up the resume'... and start looking for another job that hopefully pays you nearly the same as the one you may have quit or get fired from.

4. Talk with your family - parents / grandparents / siblings. Tell them everything that's going on this job. Ask them

push comes to shove can you count on them for support if you need to bounce or get bounced. My parents told use to never allow anyone to ride our ass on a job. "Let them know, you have a home to go to... if it comes to that." My mother always said, make sure you are doing all you are suppose to be doing.

The plant operator at your day job...

Pick a time when he's off to himself... nobody should be around to hear anything you've said. Tell me, " I except to be treated with same respect, I show you. I noticed I'm the only one who's called out on the plant floor; I'm tired of it. The next time you pull that stun,t I'm going to kick yo' ass." Short simple and to the point. Look him dead in the eye. If he says you threatened him, lie and say you didn't. That's right, I said deny that you said anything such as... its his word against yours. If he test you on the plant floor scream back right back at him. Rule of thumb, if he doesn't cuss, neither do you. But if he cusses you on the floor you give him a good as gets. If you are in Union there's some recourse for being dismissed for insubordination. If the company you work for has a human relation dept. you need to speak with them also.

As I said make sure, you do all the 4 things I've mentioned before you think about going "there". This shouldn't be a knee jerk reaction. If it takes a 12, 18, or 24 months for you to get yourself in order, do it.

Personal

Learn how to say no... folks who care or love you will be shocked but they'll get over it. Make sure you relationships are balanced... they should be based on reciprocity. If you think you are being used, dismiss those people from your life. For those you love and you want a loving and equal relationship, write them a letter and tell them how you feel. When you see them face to face, they know how you feel and you can then go from there...

SPYZFAN1 said:

uPtoWnNY said:

bobzilla77 said:

It appears bigboy is no longer an Orger.

RodeoSchro said:

NinaB said:

uPtoWnNY said:

Forget the "god' stuff, do what NinaB said. Work out, take martial arts and get a serious attitude adjustment. Turn youself into a lean, mean fighting machine. Don't be afraid to make a mfer bleed if you have to. It's a cold, cruel world and folks WILL take advantage of you if they perceive you to be "soft".

I'm quiet, introverted and avoid confrontation as much as possible, but if some fool crosses the line and touches me, it's all over, man or woman. I'm @60lbs lighter than you, but it's not about size, it's about heart.

Thanks & thanks for sharing. I agree with you, it is about heart. I was a very sensitive kid, my Mum had to build up my confidence. I've never liked violence, I would shake inside when I had to fight, people thought (/think) I was brave, strong, outspoken, confident etc but I always had anxiety & stuff like that going on.... but there's some rough people out there... some lovely ones too but def some predator's...What's the choice? Be stepped on or stand up for yourself (even while you're sometimes scared). Building up some righteous indignation goes a long way too, we're all earthlings, no one is above or below anyone else, my Mother didn't carry me and raise me for some Joe blow to come along & think he/she can shit on me. Fuck that! [Edited 4/15/15 5:48am]

I learned the same life lessons you did, my dear. I grew up in the South Bronx....nuff said.

RodeoSchro said:

It appears bigboy is no longer an Orger.

was there something wrong with him?

uPtoWnNY said:

JoeTyler said:

RodeoSchro said:

It appears bigboy is no longer an Orger.

was there something wrong with him?

I have no idea. I don't even know if he was a real person, or if his account is permanently gone or just temp-banned. All I know is his profile doesn't exist right now.

NinaB said:

RodeoSchro said:

It appears bigboy is no longer an Orger.

Do you know why?

Nope. I just clicked on his name to see his profile and nothing came up. That means either he deleted his account; or his account was deleted by a mod; or he has been temp-banned.

RodeoSchro said:

JoeTyler said:

was there something wrong with him?

I have no idea. I don't even know if he was a real person, or if his account is permanently gone or just temp-banned. All I know is his profile doesn't exist right now.

Iis there something wrong with me be honest

JoeTyler said:

RodeoSchro said:

I have no idea. I don't even know if he was a real person, or if his account is permanently gone or just temp-banned. All I know is his profile doesn't exist right now.

Iis there something wrong with me be honest

you're living in a world full of contradictions (land of the free and the brave - hold on, native americans, not you! or, all men are created equal - whoa there, african americans, not you!) cognitive dissonance. how can any of us not have something or the other wrong with them? point being that even if you're nuts dear, you're normal because hey, join the crowd

its not the size of the dog in the fight but the size of the fight in the dog