A panda walks into a bar. He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender motions to a young woman. She talks to the panda, and they go back to her place. After having sex, the panda abruptly leaves.
The next night, the woman goes to the panda's house. "You owe me money," she says.
"For what?"
The woman rolls her eyes and explains, "I'm a prostitute."
The panda pulls out a dictionary and looks it up: "Prostitute: Has sex for money."
The panda says, "I don't have to pay you. I'm a panda -- look it up." She is about to protest when the bear hands her the dictionary.
The woman looks up "panda" in the dictionary. It says, "Panda: Eats bush and leaves."

A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blond joke?"

The man said to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blond. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler, and he's blond. The bouncer is blond. The man sitting over to your left is also blond. Still wanna tell that blond joke?"

The blind man was silent for a moment and then said, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."

Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.

Soon everyone was gone except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly.

Satan walked up to him and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"

"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.

Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

Wow thanks for the Monday jokes.

Hey! Are we getting jokes on Monday too? Great!





I sure needed the laugh.

morningsong said:

Hey! Are we getting jokes on Monday too? Great!





I sure needed the laugh.

don't hold me to it