She's not that into you. She's not that into her fiancé either. Listen to your cousin.

She is knownly using your feeling towards her to her advantage. Stay away cause she will hurt you before she quits you and goes back to her fiance.

think about the kind of qualities you want in a partner... think about the way she acts... do the two line up?

Runnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!

Yes, run, this can only go very wrong

Find a hotter chick

She sounds like an awful person. She's unhappy with her relationship with her FIANCEE but she's too chicken shit to end it or bring it up with him, so she cries on your shoulder because you're her white knight. She doesn't love you, if she did, she'd have broken things off with him and would probably be with you now, or at least thought about it. She's probably an attention whore who likes having the affections of more than one guy; it's how she derives her self worth.

And even if she DID break things off with dude and got with you, who's to say she wouldn't start doing the same shit with someone else that she's doing with you when y'all hit a rough patch?

You love her because you don't really know her. You think you do, but your emotional attachment to how she used to be has you all fucked up. She's not that person anymore and neither are you. I know you probably won't take this advice, but cut her off and don't bother with her anymore. She's using you.

[Edited 11/16/14 13:23pm]

guitarslinger44 said:

She sounds like an awful person. She's unhappy with her relationship with her FIANCEE but she's too chicken shit to end it or bring it up with him, so she cries on your shoulder because you're her white knight. She doesn't love you, if she did, she'd have broken things off with him and would probably be with you now, or at least thought about it. She's probably an attention whore who likes having the affections of more than one guy; it's how she derives her self worth.

And even if she DID break things off with dude and got with you, who's to say she wouldn't start doing the same shit with someone else that she's doing with you when y'all hit a rough patch?

You love her because you don't really know her. You think you do, but your emotional attachment to how she used to be has you all fucked up. She's not that person anymore and neither are you. I know you probably won't take this advice, but cut her off and don't bother with her anymore. She's using you.

[Edited 11/16/14 13:23pm]

yeah, you can either be the guy that uses her or not

up to you

but she is not awful...........sounds like she just has low self esteem and instead of trying to find the right guy, she settles for what she thinks she can get (met too many women like this)

breakdown2k14 said:

I'm posting this thread cuz I need advice. I've known this girl for a long time. I first dated her when I was 16. In 2010, I stopped talking to her cuz I didn't want to be just a friend.

Recently she got in touch with my aunt on Facebook and my aunt gave out mine and my dad's phone numbers with out asking us, so the girl text me I and ignored her. She text my dad and he responded.

He gave her permission to come to the house and she requested for me to say hey to her when she got to the house. We talked and everything went well. A few weeks later I text her saying I'm still in love with her and she told me that she will always love me.

She posts on Facebook that she's happy with her fiancee and 2 kids. I told her I'm glad she's happy. She told me she's not happy and that she and her fiancee argue a lot and it's only a matter of time before its over. My cousin tells me I shouldn't trust people like that. The next day the girl tells me she's been thinking about having sex with me all day.

What should I do? I can't be just a friend cuz I'm still very much in love with this girl. if u stop talking to her and it would hurt her feelings. Plus it would be awkward since she knows and talks to my dad. please help.

It sounds like she is setting things up to use you as an outlet. That would make it easier for her to cope with her other situation.

Unless you don't mind being used, you could simply explain to her that you're an all or nothing kind of guy who doesn't believe in sharing.

Even if she did break up with the fiancee' you should think long and hard about hooking up with somebody unfaithful. Do you want to deal with infidelity?

Is there a reason you haven't told dad what's going on?

Best wishes.

This story is so fucked up. Something ain't right

luv4u said:

Is she doing more than "talking" to your dad? For a woman with a fiance and 2 kids by 2 different guys, she sure got a lot of free time to Facebook and make housecalls. Does she have a job?

TeeeeHaaaaHoooo said:

breakdown2k14 said:

And what am I suppose to do when she comes to my house? Be a jerk and tell my dad I refuse to see her?

Why would that make you a jerk?

Seems like you already made up your mind

breakdown2k14 said:

TeeeeHaaaaHoooo said:

Is she doing more than "talking" to your dad? For a woman with a fiance and 2 kids by 2 different guys, she sure got a lot of free time to Facebook and make housecalls. Does she have a job?

she text my dad and just recently got a job

That's not what i was asking. Is she and your dad ? She sounds like she's looking for baby daddy #3.

[Edited 11/16/14 21:18pm]

TeeeeHaaaaHoooo said:

breakdown2k14 said:

TeeeeHaaaaHoooo said:

That's not what i was asking. Is she and your dad ? She sounds like she's looking for baby daddy #3.

[Edited 11/16/14 21:18pm]

Oh gosh.no.my dad is like 50 and she's 23. My dad and her mom use to date in the 80's.so that's how me and her know eachother.she and her real dad don't get along well [Edited 11/16/14 21:32pm]

Daddy issues. She's looking for someone to take care of her and her kids. Fiancé is not taking care of business. If you don't want to play daddy, leave her alone. But if you must have the one more time, do it with the kids out of the house. Oh...and my dad was 50 when I was born. He ain't too old. And she ain't too young.

TeeeeHaaaaHoooo said:

breakdown2k14 said:

TeeeeHaaaaHoooo said:

Daddy issues. She's looking for someone to take care of her and her kids. Fiancé is not taking care of business. If you don't want to play daddy, leave her alone. But if you must have the one more time, do it with the kids out of the house. Oh...and my dad was 50 when I was born. He ain't too old. And she ain't too young.

I think I would feel better if she let me sleep with her

This is the operative phrase. You're a dick in a glass case marked "Use In Case Of Emergency" in case shit doesn't work out with her fiancee. You're not her first choice, if you were, she'd be with you right now. She knows shit with her "fiancee" is probably gonna go south, and then who's she gonna call? Yup, you.

And mark my words, if you guys get together, you may even put a baby in that, you're going to regret that for the rest of your life. She'll be fucking other dudes behind your back because she knows you won't do anything about it. And because you weren't her first choice. You were the convenient choice. You'll be working long hours to take care of some other dude's kids. And you'll be the simp she was looking for because she knew she had to settle because her ass wasn't as nice as it used to be & because she doesn't look as good as she used to before she had the kids.

You're probably thinking to yourself, "Guitarslinger44 is a fucking asshole who probably had this happen to him and he's angry about it so he's taking it out on me," and you would be wrong all the way around. I've SEEN this happen to people, and I'm hoping that by me being the asshole, you'll at least read what I'm saying and maybe consider it. I don't even know you and I've got your best interests at heart more than she does. At least I'm being honest with you.

[Edited 11/16/14 23:11pm]

[Edited 11/16/14 23:13pm]

3rdeyedude said:

guitarslinger44 said:

She sounds like an awful person. She's unhappy with her relationship with her FIANCEE but she's too chicken shit to end it or bring it up with him, so she cries on your shoulder because you're her white knight. She doesn't love you, if she did, she'd have broken things off with him and would probably be with you now, or at least thought about it. She's probably an attention whore who likes having the affections of more than one guy; it's how she derives her self worth.

And even if she DID break things off with dude and got with you, who's to say she wouldn't start doing the same shit with someone else that she's doing with you when y'all hit a rough patch?

You love her because you don't really know her. You think you do, but your emotional attachment to how she used to be has you all fucked up. She's not that person anymore and neither are you. I know you probably won't take this advice, but cut her off and don't bother with her anymore. She's using you.

[Edited 11/16/14 13:23pm]

yeah, you can either be the guy that uses her or not

up to you

but she is not awful...........sounds like she just has low self esteem and instead of trying to find the right guy, she settles for what she thinks she can get (met too many women like this)

Spoken like a dude who's probably taking care of some other guy's kids right now.

luv4u said:

Runnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!

I second that....You don't know her fiance and people are shooting people these days..You need to RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

guitarslinger44 said:

breakdown2k14 said:

She does not lead her own life. She follows her impulses and emotions. Does not sound as if she is in control at all.

Show her respect and don't sleep with her. She has to develop a stronger sense of self worth and believing in herself. Only then she will be able to make choices that are good for her and that are independently her choices.

If a person strong and mature and decides to want to spend his/her life with you, you can rely on that person.

When a person is reacting emotionally and out of insecurities, he/she does not make the right decisions for themselves. If you are part of that decision, you might pay a high price for that.

breakdown2k14 said:

I didn't mention that she lives two hours away from me and I haven't seen her since June. But still,she keeps saying she gonna come see us soon.I have a birthday coming up and I was thinking about asking her for a kiss but maybe not now.

I feel you. I remember falling for a girl that was so wrong for me in very practical way, yet if she came around batting her eyes, I would go all wobbly and drop everything for her. Blew off dates with girls that really liked me, so I could drive this one to get her laundry done. All in the name of being a good and true friend. Although, about once a year she would have sex with me, make me think "maybe she DOES want me!" and then disappear, and the cycle would start over.

But it took a long time to realize, she was not being a good friend TO ME during all this. I think she got kinda addicted to having me around at her beck & call. Certainly once I got a real girlfriend and stopped calling her back, she acted very hurt and accused me of betraying her.

The fact is, I WAS still attracted to her, and it clouded my judgment. Somehow my relationship with her was a weak spot, made me completely shut off my better judgment in her presence.

I had to recognize that and take steps to break it off. She could have kept me hanging around as her sidepiece-in-waiting for the rest of my life, while I turned down chances at real relationships, and not felt anything about it. This is not that unusual, for a girl to want to feel like she's hot and all the guys want her.

This situation you're talking about has all kinds of red flags. The fact that she constantly posts about her happy marriage and then tells to you that it is a sham, makes me real suspicious. Add in the fact that she has kids which you do not want a hand in raising, and it sounds like WAAAAY more trouble than it would be worth, to pursue a relationship. If she's in a miserable relationship she should break it off before the wedding.