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Opinion poll on a dying wish My kids never saw their grandmother... on their father's side.
I wanted them to get to know her, reached out. Wrote letters, found her on FB and tried to friend her and her daughters.
I never married her son, and her son must have painted an ugly image of me to her, so she blocked me on FB. Her daughters never friended me at all.... so my kids never met any of them.
Their father only shows up twice a year for birthdays and Christmas only... and acts as if he's doing my kids a huge favor by doing so.
One time he did show up drunk after 1opm from a family cookout he didn't bring his kids to, he was hanging all over our daughter, all extra creepy like and I checked him. This is the ONLY time he mentioned any cookout with his family, this was a few years ago and I was angry that he didn't think to bring his children to meet his family.
The few times I did meet the mother of my "babydaddy" she hit me up for cash and I told her I couldn't help her, so she whipped out a catalog of crap for me to "support her with" and I spent over a 100.00 USD on stuff I would never buy otherwise.
She is a smoker, survivor of breast cancer and she drinks too... now all this has caught up to her and now has lung cancer. She is dying, and my kids father wants our children to see her.
If she turned them away when she was healthy, why see them now? What would you do? Am I unreasonable?
CRAP.... I didn't want that stupid smiley face on the title... my mistake.
[Edited 8/10/14 8:40am] | |
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Me, I'd talk to my children and let them decide. | |
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They are 12 and 14....
they never met a dying person before. | |
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paintedlady said:
They are 12 and 14....
they never met a dying person before. I wouldn't want them to go. I understand your feelings completely. I would feel I wouldn't want my kids resentments being the one denying them the opportunity to see their blood. They're not toddlers but I'd explain it wouldn't be pretty as best as possible | |
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I never denied them seeing their blood, so I am good with that.
That women never wanted to see my kids, even though I asked their dad to take them to see her repeatedly.
I am very resentful about her dying and now wanting to be comforted at the risk of tramautizing my children so she can die in peace leaving my kids with just a bad memory of her taht causes them to cry or get depressed.
I'd rather my kids have no memory of her than just one sad one. | |
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I know I sound stubborn, but I am actually thinking about what you said morningsong, thank you.
I just need to get to a place where I am not so angry and wishing her to burn in the depths of hell.
I want to smother that heffa with a pillow myself. Seriously, I am that angry, because I reached out in vain to her and this is the only consideration she gives my kids is a "good-bye".
I need help not being so angry. | |
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the anger/hurt you feel is totally understandable... but you need to find a way to put that aside and think clearly and if they decide not to, i'd shut their dad down in a second if he tried to lay a guilt trip on them | |
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Thanks
I think dad badmouthed me to his mom when I sued him for child support... he only sees them on birthdays and Christmas, so he was never good at reaching out to his kids.
He always put their needs last... this is a running theme in his family it seems because I tried to get their father to get his kids to his mother, sisters, and brothers.
My children have not met ANY people on his side of the family. I found them on FB. I friended his mom, she blocked me soon after, never giving me a reason why. So then I had no way of reaching her since I don't know her address or phone number, his sisters (3 of them, my kids aunties) all never friended me at all, despite me trying to pm them to meet up with them to introduce my kids to them.
I gave up.
My kids (especially my son) cries when our pet fish die, he is a sensitive one and was depressed about his father. I JUST got him in a good place.
My daughter is the "tough one" she'll easily say "I don't know that lady, pfft.... I don't want to see her'.....but my son has always been that kid who doesn't do well with rejection, he beats himself up about his father. He would stand by the door crying for hours waiting on a father who would decide not to show. My son finally stopped being that way.
I am scared for my son's mental health regarding seeing his ailing grandmother... and angry his father put him in that position to have to face such a decision.
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Imma need some damn therapy after this shit... wishing old bitches would hurry up and die already. | |
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Nope my kids wouldn't go. People do dirt all their lives and in the end try to get some act right. Fuck that. | |
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I agree with not letting them go to see her while she is dying. | |
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Prince, in you I found a kindred spirit...Rest In Paradise. | |
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i'd explain things and ask them what they want. since they're your kids, they're probably pretty smart | |
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At my son's birthday party his father openly annouced that his mother is dying and that the kids must see her. I have ZERO access to her, I tried friending her and she blocked me on FB.
To this day I really don't know why, I sent continuous messages to my kids aunts that I also found on FB they will not respond to me. They treat me as if I am a total stranger with no connection to them.
I was upset that my kid's mostly absentee father announced something so sensitive in front of everyone. It pissed me off, but I kept calm about it so as not to upset my kids. My older son who is 23 and his girlfriend seemed shocked at the announcement, I quickly distracted them by changing the subject -running interference like I usually do.
I honestly believe he dogged me to his family, and I agree with every theory you have on this. The prayer list from church is a great idea. I am not currently in a church home but I kno9w 3 different pastors and still pray and do prayer vigils constantly for loved ones and those who just need lifting up.
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THIS is the main reason I felt it was VERY important for the cousins to kinow one another... but their dad has total control of that situation and I tried to reach out.
I really think he soured them against me. | |
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MoBettaBliss said:
I agree. | |
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She only knows what her son told her. So forgiveness. So what she smokes, drinks that is addiction. Explain the situation to the kids and let them decide. Life is fuct and I doubt meeting the gram will fuk the kids up anymore than poc father but at end of day that is the kids father and grandmom. If the kids don't grow up to be fukups that's what matters. Make it a lesson, look this is where you end up drinking and smoking. Good luck, Ann Landers What are you outraged about today? CNN has not told you yet? | |
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...also, this man should realize that one day, he could be put in the same predicament as his mother, being on his deathbed. Therefore, he should do right by your kids, starting now. Not to bad mouth anyone, but it appears to me that your ex and family are very immature and unreasonable people. To block you from facebook, that's very foul. | |
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I don't smoke, I am kind to that bastard that I foolishly chose to love, so I picked that asshole and I eat crow and pay for it everyday and explain things to them as best as I can so there is no guilt or pain tossed on my kids.
They still love their father, I teach them to honor their parents... even good ol' absentee dad.
As far as teaching them a life lesson, well I don't want the only memory of grandma to be of tubes and sickly smells and a wrinkled form that isn't "her" anymore but a shell of her.
It isn't the woman I met, all fiesty and hitting me up for cash and puffing smoke in your face while she shared funny stories. My kids won't know that... just a half dead person gasping for air. I don't want them to only know that.
How can kids decide something with out the wisdom to make a proper choice?
I wish my kids met her before the "dying" point, what's the sense now?
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Prince, in you I found a kindred spirit...Rest In Paradise. | |
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This helps fuel my anger...
bitches didn't think enough about my kids to want to meet them and invite them to the cookouts and parties and dinners, but now you want to think about them when you're dying?
I thnk good ol' dad did permanent damage, he also has a 21 year old daughter with another mother he has zero contact with... he completely abandoned her.
My kids don't know her either, I am still trying to find her, I remain hopeful with that situation.
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YES he is!
He's a tempermantal guy to, any little thing sets him off and he disappears.
I have a "kit-glove" approach to dealing with him. | |
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Thank you also Stymie, Humpthang, and XxaxX... your support means a lot... all of you actually.
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MY COUSIN WORKS IN A PHARMACY AND SHE SAID THEY ENEMA'D PRANCE INTO OBLIVION WITH FENTONILS!! | |
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Mobetta has said better then I could and covered all the bases...
I had a similiar thing with my own father and while I hear the word "forgiveness" being used in situations like this, one has to be a father to be be forgiven as a father. As a man, when you show up once a year, you are not a father. Maybe you are with the other family you started but that has nothing to do with me. Grandmas fit into that category as well, in my experience, about to die or alive.
A big hug to all the woman of this world who make amaizng people by themselves! You are all an inspiration to mankind! | |
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No.
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paintedlady said:
This helps fuel my anger...
bitches didn't think enough about my kids to want to meet them and invite them to the cookouts and parties and dinners, but now you want to think about them when you're dying?
I thnk good ol' dad did permanent damage, he also has a 21 year old daughter with another mother he has zero contact with... he completely abandoned her.
My kids don't know her either, I am still trying to find her, I remain hopeful with that situation.
At the end of the day, it's your decision on this, and I hope that it turns out to be the right one. The best of wishes and luck to you, including your search for your kids older sister ;-) ...and continue to be that pillow of strength for your kids Facebook is of the devil, sometimes | |
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you are right...you are the one raising those kids full time. Your word should be the last one.
Thanks for the laughs, arguments and overall enjoyment for the last umpteen years. It's time for me to retire from Prince.org and engage in the real world...lol. Above all, I appreciated the talent Prince. You were one of a kind. | |
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