PDogz said:

JOYJOY said:

Dayze it reads as if it is YOU who is watching him.. and possibly making him feel uncomfortable...

...it might be that you fancy him and are projecting

That's pretty much the way I see it also, based on the limited amount of knowledge I have of either party. Moreover, I've found myself in this preacher's position on many occasions over the course of my life.

He probably likes [the OP] well enough, but not in any sort of romantic/sexual way. He probably finds [the OP] smart & useful, so he keeps her busy with various projects within the church. Plus, the more he can keep her busy, the less time she would have to be sitting around tripping on HIM. He's probably also careful to be "nice" to [the OP], as to avoid any situation whereas she could begin to feel "rejected", become "a woman scorned", and start some drama within the church. It's likely that he may be aware that she has a crush on him, and what [the OP] may be perceiving as "weird like this" is probably the discomfort he feels from being the target of that crush.

But again, without knowing anyone involved on any kind of personal level, this is just the opinion of an outsider looking in (based on the limited information provided in this thread for the solicitation of opinions).

THIS.

JOYJOY said:

PDogz said:

That's pretty much the way I see it also, based on the limited amount of knowledge I have of either party. Moreover, I've found myself in this preacher's position on many occasions over the course of my life.

He probably likes [the OP] well enough, but not in any sort of romantic/sexual way. He probably finds [the OP] smart & useful, so he keeps her busy with various projects within the church. Plus, the more he can keep her busy, the less time she would have to be sitting around tripping on HIM. He's probably also careful to be "nice" to [the OP], as to avoid any situation whereas she could begin to feel "rejected", become "a woman scorned", and start some drama within the church. It's likely that he may be aware that she has a crush on him, and what [the OP] may be perceiving as "weird like this" is probably the discomfort he feels from being the target of that crush.

But again, without knowing anyone involved on any kind of personal level, this is just the opinion of an outsider looking in (based on the limited information provided in this thread for the solicitation of opinions).

THIS.

Plus, when a man is sexually/romantically interested in someone, there is usually nothing vague or ambiguous about his intention - he will let you know, clearly. But if you have to spend any amount of energy behind wondering if a man is interested in anything beyond a casual/working, platonic, relationship, you can be assured that he is not.

.

[Edited 11/5/12 12:52pm]

PDogz said:

JOYJOY said:

THIS.

Plus, when a man is sexually/romantically interested in someone, there is usually nothing vague or ambiguous about his intention - he will let you know, clearly. But if you have to spend any amount of energy behind wondering if a man in interested in anything beyond a casual/working, platonic, relationship, you can be assured that he is not.

So true. It took me a while to learn this bit of great knowledge, but better late than never.

To me it comes across as a pattern.

You had this guy at work and chatted/e-mailed with him. You fancied him, and found his behaviour confusing.

The rest of the woman were, according to you, jalous of you. Therefore they took a distance from you.

You got all cought up in it, and did not manage to get a helicopter view of the situation. Your interpretation sticked with "He's into me" & "Girls don't act nice to me, they must be jalous, because he is into me".

With the minister, you are doing exactly the same thing all over again.

You interpret his behaviour as if he gives you a special treatment, because "He's into me". And girls that you've cooperated with, slowly distance themselves from you. According to you "Because they are jalous, because he is into me and not them".

I doubt if all these other girls are doing volunteer work at the church because they are preoccupied with the possibility that the minister is into them or not. Really, they might not have any erotic interest in the minister at all!

Next to that, it seems that you interpret the behaviour of men that you work with, always in the light of their erotic interest in you. Is it possible that a man is not interested in you, in that way?

Well, wish you all the best, keep us posted.

dJJ said:

To me it comes across as a pattern.

You had this guy at work and chatted/e-mailed with him. You fancied him, and found his behaviour confusing.

The rest of the woman were, according to you, jalous of you. Therefore they took a distance from you.

You got all cought up in it, and did not manage to get a helicopter view of the situation. Your interpretation sticked with "He's into me" & "Girls don't act nice to me, they must be jalous, because he is into me".

With the minister, you are doing exactly the same thing all over again.

Then, I would bet that the minister is probably proceeding with an abundance of caution with regards to how he deals with the OP, as he probably see's red-flags dropping all over the place.

Furthermore, the OP states: "It's confusing because he asks his staff to contact me and keep me busy doing things around the church. He doesn't act like this with anyone else". Sounds to me like he has enrolled the assistance of his staff to help keep a woman busy, who appears to have too much time on her hands to fantasize about a romance with the church's pastor. And he probably doesn't act like this with anyone else, because no one else in that church is acting like that (...with HIM).

SeventeenDayze said:

There's a guy that I know who sometimes goes back and forth between showing me attention and then he acts like he must distance himself from me. He's a minister at my church ...

I stopped reading here

"weird" for you, totally "normal" for him

Answer: He is a guy.

SeventeenDayze said:

morningsong said:

Sounds like a pastor trying to encourage a member to get more involved with church activites. At the same time, perhaps poorly, letting that member know he's not personally interested. When he ask you out on a date, then you'll know.

Yeah I hear ya. I just think it's weird that if you think somebody has a crush on you, why would you do and say stuff to fan the flames of an "unwanted" crush?

Honestly I think you need to take responsiblity for your own feelings and discipline them. Everyone is pretty much saying the exact same thing to you.

KingBAD said:

'Why would a guy act weird like this?'

wow, this is too easy...

if the guy is assosiated with you, it's expected

I was just going to post:

All these guys you post about "act weird." What is the common denominator in all these situations? You.

Genesia said:

KingBAD said:

'Why would a guy act weird like this?'

wow, this is too easy...

if the guy is assosiated with you, it's expected

I was just going to post:

All these guys you post about "act weird." What is the common denominator in all these situations? You.

Possible interpretations:

1. Seventeendaze: These guys are all interested in me. And other women are jalous at me because of that.

2. Other option: Seventeendaze yaerns for love and attention. An emotional need that is all apparent, so, guys' neutral behaviour easily is interpreted as 'he wants me'.Denying her own "I want somebody to love me, and he's near, so he should fullfil my emotional needs".

Other girls just want to work. And if possible enjoy their time while doing that. When they detect Seventeendaze trying to seduce guys into fulfilling her unmet emotional needs, they know her focus is not on the job, nor having fun with the girls. She is just not available for a cooperative working mode.

She thinks the girls are all competing for the object of her attention. So, people retracting from her is jalousy.

3. anybody with another hypotheses?

Due to the difference that Seventeendaze and her collegues/schoolmates/volunteergroup/churchgroup experience in the same situation, nobody will get the epiphany.

So, in a few weeks/months there will be similar thread.

SeventeenDayze said:

There's a guy that I know who sometimes goes back and forth between showing me attention and then he acts like he must distance himself from me. He's a minister at my church and sometimes he talks about me in a positive way in his sermons (as a compliment) and at other moments he acts like he doesn't want to be around me. It's confusing because he asks his staff to contact me and keep me busy doing things around the church. He doesn't act like this with anyone else.

One particular day, I was asked to do a short speech at church and while I was doing it, he was acting really weird and preoccupied. But it was HIS idea to have me do that, then he goes and acts weird when I'm up there in front of the group! It's like anytime that I talk, he whips out his phone or starts actin distracted but he gives the others his undivided attention. Then, at other times, he's staring at me a lot and then cracking jokes about me (which are funny, not insulting) and seems to really act on the ideas that I share but with other people it takes him forever to come around to doing their ideas. Even some of his staffers act different towards me now for some reason, like a bit jealous or something I dunno

What's up with this guy? It's worth noting that he's married but there is speculation that his wife left him or is leaving him.

You:

'I'm attracted to this married dude and I'm hoping he's attracted to me, too. Seems like he is, but I'm getting mixed signals. It's exciting to talk about it, anyway! By the by: Could you validate my interest in a married man?'

Me:

If you really feel it necessary to have sexual intercourse and you think that it's a good idea to have sexual intercourse with this dude, ask him how his wife is. If they're splitting and he's interested in you, he'll let you know right quick. NB: Of course, if he says they're splitting, that doesn't necessarily mean that they're splitting. I once heard of a case of a man who told a woman that he and his wife were separating, but it turned out the whole thing was a baldfaced lie! They weren't splitting at all and he just told her this so that she would have sex with him!!! I know this sounds unbelievable, but it's true! I swear!

That will be $150.00, please. Please see my receptionist on the way out.

Ace said:

SeventeenDayze said:

There's a guy that I know who sometimes goes back and forth between showing me attention and then he acts like he must distance himself from me. He's a minister at my church and sometimes he talks about me in a positive way in his sermons (as a compliment) and at other moments he acts like he doesn't want to be around me. It's confusing because he asks his staff to contact me and keep me busy doing things around the church. He doesn't act like this with anyone else.

One particular day, I was asked to do a short speech at church and while I was doing it, he was acting really weird and preoccupied. But it was HIS idea to have me do that, then he goes and acts weird when I'm up there in front of the group! It's like anytime that I talk, he whips out his phone or starts actin distracted but he gives the others his undivided attention. Then, at other times, he's staring at me a lot and then cracking jokes about me (which are funny, not insulting) and seems to really act on the ideas that I share but with other people it takes him forever to come around to doing their ideas. Even some of his staffers act different towards me now for some reason, like a bit jealous or something I dunno

What's up with this guy? It's worth noting that he's married but there is speculation that his wife left him or is leaving him.

You:

'I'm attracted to this married dude and I'm hoping he's attracted to me, too. Seems like he is, but I'm getting mixed signals. It's exciting to talk about it, anyway! By the by: Could you validate my interest in a married man?'

Me:

If you really feel it necessary to have sexual intercourse and you think that it's a good idea to have sexual intercourse with this dude, ask him how his wife is. If they're splitting and he's interested in you, he'll let you know right quick. NB: Of course, if he says they're splitting, that doesn't necessarily mean that they're splitting. I once heard of a case of a man who told a woman that he and his wife were separating, but it turned out the whole thing was a baldfaced lie! They weren't splitting at all and he just told her this so that she would have sex with him!!! I know this sounds unbelievable, but it's true! I swear!

That will be $150.00, please. Please see my receptionist on the way out.

LOL. It looks as if she's attracted to that minister at church, even if she fails to admit that she feels that way. She's even getting herself busy at church now to see if he'll eventually approach her. At times a want becmes an illusion, specially if she's in denial about her feelings, she may begin to think it's him that has an eye on her. After all a rejection is a bad thing, and nobody really wants to be embarassed either.

I don't understand her desperation tho, cause either you like that church dude or you don't.

Wow the last few people who posted their snark on this thread are pathetic. The fact that you keep up with my posts to this extent, even to the point of lying about stuff that I've written is quite telling of how sad you guys are. You're a big reason why people leave the Org. Negative. Terrible. Sad.

SeventeenDayze said:

Wow the last few people who posted their snark on this thread are pathetic. The fact that you keep up with my posts to this extent, even to the point of lying about stuff that I've written is quite telling of how sad you guys are. You're a big reason why people leave the Org. Negative. Terrible. Sad.

Was just trying to get you to see another perspective, with a little bit of humor. Didn't mean to offend (just enlighten).

Sorry.

SeventeenDayze said:

Wow the last few people who posted their snark on this thread are pathetic. The fact that you keep up with my posts to this extent, even to the point of lying about stuff that I've written is quite telling of how sad you guys are. You're a big reason why people leave the Org. Negative. Terrible. Sad.

C'mon seventeen...lighten up! I thought Ace's turn as org analyst was humorous. He's a level headed guy who occasionally drops a good joke . Just remember, like I always say on these threads, you reached out here first and asked for opinions. Naturally they're not all going be what you expected or even like. That's what it means to try to see things from different perspectives

Ottensen said:

I thought Ace's turn as org analyst was humorous. He's a level headed guy who occasionally drops a good joke . Just remember, like I always say on these threads, you reached out here first and asked for opinions. Naturally they're not all going be what you expected or even like. That's what it means to try to see things from different perspectives.

Ottensen, why don't you take your own advice for a change? LOL

Since it's that time of the year that the holidays are about to start, I've lightened up alot.
Because I know I will most likely put all the weight back on by the time the holidays are over.
And then some.

I honestly think some really good would make you stop overthinking things.

Maybe you're super horny but your religion is making you feel guilty about acting on those feelings.

My advice, is forget the guilt. Sex is really not a bad thing.

Get it (not with the minister).

SeventeenDayze said:

Ottensen, why don't you take your own advice for a change? LOL

I was laughing and enjoying the thread as I enjoy all threads. . You seemed upset in the post that I responded to. I'm chilling, and about to catch a Magnum P.I with my husband after a great night of worship and take my butt to bed My load is VERY light indeed .

Ace, Genesia, Kingbad,Ottensen, DJJ, OzlemUcucu, PDogz, ZombieKitten, Morningstar,JoeTyler, Nd33,Joy-Joy, Justerin and MissFee .....they come from diverserse backgrounds and lifestyles and they all basically came to the same conclusion, they can not all be wrong.

He's married. Forget him. Move on.

That minister is simply not available even if he asked you out, which as of yet he has not. Girl lots of other fish in the sea, stop wasting your energies on this guy. Besides, you do not want to become fodder for the church hens.

Ottensen said:

SeventeenDayze said:

Ottensen, why don't you take your own advice for a change? LOL

I was laughing and enjoying the thread as I enjoy all threads. . You seemed upset in the post that I responded to. I'm chilling, and about to catch a Magnum P.I with my husband after a great night of worship and take my butt to bed My load is VERY light indeed .

good to hear

Also...

I should add this since I forgot to mention it....

You are in a church, a community of people who are taught to help one another.

You never know who is watching you, quietly... a mother/aunt/sister of a good man who may introduce you if they think you are a great candidate for their family member.

You just never know... in churches these things do happen. So even though the wait is tough, and you said your hormones do not go on "vacation", you should consider re-eastablishing your commitment to God and just focus your efforts and your mind on the work in God's house.

Your character will show through as an honest and hard working woman and maybe even the wife of that minister or a mother in the church may introduce you to an un-married man of God.

Patience is the hardest part. I myself stopped shopping for men in the church LONG ago, but that is because I am a single mother of 3.

Most men in my church community were either "formerly-gay" or had one foot out of a half-way house and still on probation. All good men, despite their hardships... but I had children and that dynamic would be tough on men who were in the midst of great change and vulnerability. I just wasn't "date-able".

You are not a mother yet, your situation is less complicated in comparison, so do not worry...that good man will come your way once you focus on your journey and others see it.

paintedlady said:

You never know who is watching you, quietly... a mother/aunt/sister of a good man who may introduce you if they think you are a great candidate for their family member.

I myself stopped shopping for men in the church LONG ago, but that is because I am a single mother of 3.

Most men in my church community were either "formerly-gay" or had one foot out of a half-way house and still on probation. All good men, despite their hardships... but I had children and that dynamic would be tough on men who were in the midst of great change and vulnerability. I just wasn't "date-able".

I applaud your insight.

PDogz said:

paintedlady said:

You never know who is watching you, quietly... a mother/aunt/sister of a good man who may introduce you if they think you are a great candidate for their family member.

I myself stopped shopping for men in the church LONG ago, but that is because I am a single mother of 3.

Most men in my church community were either "formerly-gay" or had one foot out of a half-way house and still on probation. All good men, despite their hardships... but I had children and that dynamic would be tough on men who were in the midst of great change and vulnerability. I just wasn't "date-able".

I applaud your insight.

Ah, so the male population in a church is not that different than in a pub?

dJJ said:

PDogz said:

I applaud your insight.

Ah, so the male population in a church is not that different than in a pub?

The Church is comprised of just just everyday people....

dJJ said:

PDogz said:

I applaud your insight.

Ah, so the male population in a church is not that different than in a pub?

No, church goers are 10000000000000000000x more judgemental.

JustErin said:

dJJ said:

Ah, so the male population in a church is not that different than in a pub?

No, some people who go to church church goers are 10000000000000000000x more judgemental.

There, Darlin', fixed it for ya

All joking aside, though, I don't think judgement is only practiced by church goers. There is no one identity or thought pattern that can be attributed to Christians because we're all different. I know that sounds hard to believe, but...outside of accepting that Christ is Lord and Savior, pffft.... we differ a lot on how we view the world....a lot

[Edited 11/14/12 9:51am]

SeventeenDayze said:

There's a guy that I know who sometimes goes back and forth between showing me attention and then he acts like he must distance himself from me. He's a minister at my church and sometimes he talks about me in a positive way in his sermons (as a compliment) and at other moments he acts like he doesn't want to be around me. It's confusing because he asks his staff to contact me and keep me busy doing things around the church. He doesn't act like this with anyone else.

One particular day, I was asked to do a short speech at church and while I was doing it, he was acting really weird and preoccupied. But it was HIS idea to have me do that, then he goes and acts weird when I'm up there in front of the group! It's like anytime that I talk, he whips out his phone or starts actin distracted but he gives the others his undivided attention. Then, at other times, he's staring at me a lot and then cracking jokes about me (which are funny, not insulting) and seems to really act on the ideas that I share but with other people it takes him forever to come around to doing their ideas. Even some of his staffers act different towards me now for some reason, like a bit jealous or something I dunno

What's up with this guy? It's worth noting that he's married but there is speculation that his wife left him or is leaving him.

Seems like his playing games boo... Id drop that dude like a bad habit or wouldnt pay him no mind.

I recently went through a similiar situation. I HATE when guys play games. They say one thing and then do something else. I dont have time for that immature mess.

And although she never specifically stated that he was interested alot of times guys send mix messages and even if he was not intimately interested... I cant stand people who act fickle like that (what minute they want to speak, the next minute they dont) so I do feel where your coming from. Unfornately, people are just childish like that.

[Edited 11/14/12 10:02am]