Funniest thing ive ever read!!!! thought is share it with u guys

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Thread started 09/28/12 8:48pm

Optimus2

Funniest thing ive ever read!!!! thought is share it with u guys

THIS IS AN ACTUAL CUSTOMER REVIEW FROM A MAN ON AMAZON.CO.UK AFTER USING VEET HAIR REMOVAL CREAM FOR MEN......IM ACTUALLY STILL PISSING MYSELF AFTER READING IT!!!!!!!!!!!! SOOOO FUNNY!!!.......

After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit if a treat. I ordered it well in advance and working in the North Sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...Oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn’t have long to wait......

At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling not to bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel off in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen, by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, toe the lid off and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing returned. Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn’t managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and an tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me.
This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.
Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering “ooooohhh that feels good” Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn’t heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout fired against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn’t the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn’t improve my status…so to sum it up, VEET removes hair, dignity and self-respect!

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Reply #1 posted 09/28/12 9:41pm

ufoclub

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Poetry

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Reply #2 posted 09/29/12 12:00am

noimageatall

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O em gee... falloff I'd swear imago wrote this. lol

"Let love be your perfect weapon..." ~~Andy Biersack

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Reply #3 posted 09/29/12 12:14am

jfrost

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A DJ on the Nationla radio station read this out last week at 4:00pm approx .....I was on my way home from work and I was in tears....well structured

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Reply #4 posted 09/29/12 12:16am

kewlschool

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There are a lot of funny reviews on amazon-they are done on purpose to be funny.

Isn't there a website dedicated to it?

99.9% of everything I say is strictly for my own entertainment

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Reply #5 posted 09/29/12 3:45am

TypoQueen
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Reply #6 posted 09/29/12 5:36am

ThisOne	when in doubt stick in a sprout mailto:www.iDon'tThinkSo.com.Uranus
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Reply #7 posted 09/29/12 8:39am

Optimus2	kewlschool said: There are a lot of funny reviews on amazon-they are done on purpose to be funny. Isn't there a website dedicated to it? no they are not done on purpose 2 be funny...theres a site dedicated 2 teh reviews...becuase there hilirious!!! xxx
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Reply #8 posted 09/29/12 9:41am

jfrost

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Have you tried this "Finding Nemo" review from A customer on Amazon

I took my neighbor's kid to see this a while back. This movie pretty much ruined my night, and I will tell you how. We went to the theatre on a Friday night while I was babysitting (he was like 4 years old at the time by the way).

It was a little warm out so I stopped and got us each a Big Gulp. That was my first mistake. This kid drank an entire Big Gulp of Mountain Dew on the way to the theater (which I later realized contains a very high level of caffiene which he is not allowed to have). He said he didn't have to go to the bathroom before the movie, so I guess you can see where this is going. The theater itself was absolutely freezing, and this kid complained about it the entire time.

The movie was a little boring and looked really fake. You could tell it wasn't real and was just a bunch of silly puppets, but he was only 4 so I guess he bought it (I hope he doesn't really think fish can talk). Bla Bla Bla, the fish gets lost or whatever, lots of talking, then BAM! Shark Attack, and the kid screams and immediately proceeds to dive under the chairs, and come back up with his pants soaking wet. Great, kid. You said you didnt' have to go BEFORE the movie, so now you decide to go DURING the movie. Later on the movie whipped this kid up into a caffiene frenzy, and he takes off his wind-breaker and starts whipping it around his head, and it hit this kid behind us and the zipper tagged him in the ear. The other kid's mom gave me a dirty look, so I tried to explain that my neighbor's kid wasn't very smart because he is only 4, but then I didn't want to start an argument so I held back my tongue.

The worst part actually came when the movie was finally over and we went out to eat at McDonalds. I thought it would be cute to order the kid a fish sandwich since we just saw a movie about fishes. He took a couple of bites and asked why it tasted so bad, so I simply told him what it was. So then the kid, no joke, starts throwing up all of his fries, and what I guess was a whole lot of mountain dew all over the chair and the floor. Then he gets seriously mad at me and does the now-vomit-covered-windbreaker frenzy. He was mad because he thought I was trying to get him to eat one of the fishes in the movie or whatever. He refused to clean it up or eat the rest of his sandwich so I just took him home.

We tried to have a discussion about the difference between his sandwich in the movie, but he simply said "I hate you" (great argument, kid). In conclusion I would NOT reccomend this movie due to my awful experience with this bratty kid. Also, as I mentioned earlier it looks kind of fake. Later.

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Reply #9 posted 09/29/12 12:10pm

Fonkyman

Optimus2 said:

This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.
Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering “ooooohhh that feels good” Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn’t heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction.

spit falloff

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Reply #10 posted 09/29/12 5:25pm

babynoz	Okay, after I nearly peed myself laughing here, I'm still left wondering why the hell nobody threw that ice cream in the trash and the kids found it the next day...ick! Prince, in you I found a kindred spirit...Rest In Paradise.
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Reply #11 posted 09/29/12 8:56pm

pippet

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TypoQueen said:

Dito .. thumbs up! Typo

rose

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Reply #12 posted 09/30/12 4:15am

Fonkyman	babynoz said: Okay, after I nearly peed myself laughing here, I'm still left wondering why the hell nobody threw that ice cream in the trash and the kids found it the next day...ick! No sense in wasting good ice cream. Especially if you've added some of 'Daddys special chocolate chips'.
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Reply #13 posted 09/30/12 10:42am

babynoz	Fonkyman said: babynoz said: Okay, after I nearly peed myself laughing here, I'm still left wondering why the hell nobody threw that ice cream in the trash and the kids found it the next day...ick! No sense in wasting good ice cream. Especially if you've added some of 'Daddys special chocolate chips'. Ewww... Prince, in you I found a kindred spirit...Rest In Paradise.
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Reply #14 posted 09/30/12 11:44am

RodeoSchro	X 784,234 This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen
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