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Thread started 05/11/12 1:28pm

scriptgirl

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Who should come first? Your spouse or your parents?

In the non music section, in a thread about Usher and his mom and his ex wife, I said that your wife comes before your mom when a man marries. A lot of people said no, that your mom will always be your mom. Well, if you don't put your wife first, your wife won't be your wife for long. You took your vows to each other and you, your spouse and whatever kids you have are a seperate unit and should come before your FOO-Family of Origin. What do you think?

"Lack of home training crosses all boundaries."
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Reply #1 posted 05/11/12 1:50pm

SkyeSeven

scriptgirl said:

In the non music section, in a thread about Usher and his mom and his ex wife, I said that your wife comes before your mom when a man marries. A lot of people said no, that your mom will always be your mom. Well, if you don't put your wife first, your wife won't be your wife for long. You took your vows to each other and you, your spouse and whatever kids you have are a seperate unit and should come before your FOO-Family of Origin. What do you think?

Spouses always. Separate from your mother and father and become "one" with your Spouse. That's THE WORD.

...for what is your life? it is even a vapor, that appears for a little time, and then vanishes away
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Reply #2 posted 05/11/12 1:52pm

nursev

eek neutral

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Reply #3 posted 05/11/12 2:20pm

KingBAD

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no, i didn't read the long version

nor do i concider why you may be askin

the truth is (i've never been married)

you pick the family you make.

that means that if you marry and

she/he becomes the parent of your children

then this is your family.

when you are removed from you childhood house

and sent into the world, that family is sayin

for you to strike out on your own and build

a family you can love as they have loved you.

that means NO-ONE comes into your house

to interfear in your family bizzness.

it's your family to protect.

if you can do for your parents, all the better.

but your YOUR family is not the opption

it's the priority...

KALI my child will wreak havoc on all you love at my command... i am KING BAD!!!
evilking
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Reply #4 posted 05/11/12 2:32pm

nursev

I don't wanna get this moved to P&R but like we talked about before even in the book it says to honor thy mother and father-that doesn't mean you can't marry and make a new family, but one must always respect their parents and for that matter their spouse should also respect their parents. I would never marry someone that my parents don't like-it always leads to problems, but that's just me.

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Reply #5 posted 05/11/12 2:36pm

Serious

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It is the parents that need to step back and if they don't then the spouse needs to distance himself to protect his/her partner. It is not good for a relationship at all if the parents interfere. It must be very hard when your partner has a very tight relationship to a parent. My dad was like that I was told (my grandmother died when I was still a baby). Thank God I never had that problem myself whew. But I know a friend whose wife is so close to her daughter that she stays with her daughter and sleeps in her son-in-law's side of the bed when he is away on his long business trips eek .

With a very special thank you to Tina: Is hammer already absolute, how much some people verändern...ICH hope is never so I will be! And if, then I hope that I would then have wen in my environment who joins me in the A....
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Reply #6 posted 05/11/12 2:44pm

KingBAD

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nursev said:

I don't wanna get this moved to P&R but like we talked about before even in the book it says to honor thy mother and father-that doesn't mean you can't marry and make a new family, but one must always respect their parents and for that matter their spouse should also respect their parents. I would never marry someone that my parents don't like-it always leads to problems, but that's just me.

but you r family is your priority, right? eek

i mean, then you have to get into the thing about who's parents are right

when it come to makin descisions in your YOUR house which can bring strife

in the home, then parents are not always havin the best intent for your YOUR house

when your child has his own house which family do you want him to make his priority

he will not be married to you, and if you make him feel inadiquate because he

cannot care for you AND his family, whut say you then?

no child should forsake his parents, but his parents job is to not make him/her choose.

and in somecases the parents are split and have different opinions about how

thangs should be done, and who of them should be cared for more, then whut?

i'm not callin you out on this baby, cos you know you come first

HOWEVER these are thoughts to ponder kisses

KALI my child will wreak havoc on all you love at my command... i am KING BAD!!!
evilking
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Reply #7 posted 05/11/12 2:45pm

Serious

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nursev said:

I don't wanna get this moved to P&R but like we talked about before even in the book it says to honor thy mother and father-that doesn't mean you can't marry and make a new family, but one must always respect their parents and for that matter their spouse should also respect their parents. I would never marry someone that my parents don't like-it always leads to problems, but that's just me.

I didn't get along with my ex's parents at all in the beginning and after a few years we went along great and I used to be closer to them than to my own family. But when we had problems in the beginning my ex hardly had any contact with his parents because of that and finally that was how they learned to respect his choice. And it was pretty similar with my family too: they were not happy about my choice in the beginning and later they adored him.

My family probably would not get along with my current boyfriend and I doubt they will ever meet him because of fucked-up visa laws, but it is my choice who I am with and not my family's and they know that it is none of their business at all.

With a very special thank you to Tina: Is hammer already absolute, how much some people verändern...ICH hope is never so I will be! And if, then I hope that I would then have wen in my environment who joins me in the A....
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Reply #8 posted 05/11/12 2:49pm

nursev

KingBAD said:

nursev said:

I don't wanna get this moved to P&R but like we talked about before even in the book it says to honor thy mother and father-that doesn't mean you can't marry and make a new family, but one must always respect their parents and for that matter their spouse should also respect their parents. I would never marry someone that my parents don't like-it always leads to problems, but that's just me.

but you r family is your priority, right? eek

i mean, then you have to get into the thing about who's parents are right

when it come to makin descisions in your YOUR house which can bring strife

in the home, then parents are not always havin the best intent for your YOUR house

when your child has his own house which family do you want him to make his priority

he will not be married to you, and if you make him feel inadiquate because he

cannot care for you AND his family, whut say you then?

no child should forsake his parents, but his parents job is to not make him/her choose.

and in somecases the parents are split and have different opinions about how

thangs should be done, and who of them should be cared for more, then whut?

i'm not callin you out on this baby, cos you know you come first

HOWEVER these are thoughts to ponder kisses

Script is taking this the wrong way-we discussed Usher and his Mom and his Ex Tameka over in Music and my thing is that he should've never disrespected his mother by firing her cuz his wife didn't care for the mom. You only have one mom and dad and nobody imo is over them except God. Yes you get married and start another family, but mom and dad should always be respected. Yes the households are separate and when my son marries I hope I get along with his wife-I would like that, but I also would hope that as his mom I'd get respect just like her mom.

[Edited 5/11/12 14:54pm]

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Reply #9 posted 05/11/12 2:51pm

scriptgirl

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Giuliana DePandi's mom does that re sleeps in the bed with Giuliana

[Edited 5/11/12 14:53pm]

"Lack of home training crosses all boundaries."
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Reply #10 posted 05/11/12 2:52pm

Serious

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nursev said:

KingBAD said:

but you r family is your priority, right? eek

i mean, then you have to get into the thing about who's parents are right

when it come to makin descisions in your YOUR house which can bring strife

in the home, then parents are not always havin the best intent for your YOUR house

when your child has his own house which family do you want him to make his priority

he will not be married to you, and if you make him feel inadiquate because he

cannot care for you AND his family, whut say you then?

no child should forsake his parents, but his parents job is to not make him/her choose.

and in somecases the parents are split and have different opinions about how

thangs should be done, and who of them should be cared for more, then whut?

i'm not callin you out on this baby, cos you know you come first

HOWEVER these are thoughts to ponder kisses

Script is taking this the wrong way-we discussed Usher and his Mom and his Ex Tameka over in Music and my thing is that he should've never disrespected his mother by firing her cuz his wife didn't care for the mom. You only have one mom and dad and nobody imo opinion is over them except God. Yes you get married and start another family, but mom and dad should always be respected. Yes the households are separate and when my son marries I hope I get along with his wife-I would like that, but I also would hope that as his mom I'd get respect just like her mom.

I agree that parents should be respected, but it goes both ways. The parents need to respect their grown up children and their choices too.

With a very special thank you to Tina: Is hammer already absolute, how much some people verändern...ICH hope is never so I will be! And if, then I hope that I would then have wen in my environment who joins me in the A....
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Reply #11 posted 05/11/12 2:53pm

nursev

Serious said:

nursev said:

I don't wanna get this moved to P&R but like we talked about before even in the book it says to honor thy mother and father-that doesn't mean you can't marry and make a new family, but one must always respect their parents and for that matter their spouse should also respect their parents. I would never marry someone that my parents don't like-it always leads to problems, but that's just me.

I didn't get along with my ex's parents at all in the beginning and after a few years we went along great and I used to be closer to them than to my own family. But when we had problems in the beginning my ex hardly had any contact with his parents because of that and finally that was how they learned to respect his choice. And it was pretty similar with my family too: they were not happy about my choice in the beginning and later they adored him.

My family probably would not get along with my current boyfriend and I doubt they will ever meet him because of fucked-up visa laws, but it is my choice who I am with and not my family's and they know that it is none of their business at all.

Yes it's ur choice and mom and dad should respect ur choice, but my opinion is that under no circumstances should a spouse let a spouse disrespect their parents-that's bullshit. When I was married my mother-in-law and I got along great, but when we separated she took her sons side which I expected. But I always showed her respect until she called me one day with that foolishness and Nursey went there lol

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Reply #12 posted 05/11/12 2:54pm

nursev

Serious said:

nursev said:

Script is taking this the wrong way-we discussed Usher and his Mom and his Ex Tameka over in Music and my thing is that he should've never disrespected his mother by firing her cuz his wife didn't care for the mom. You only have one mom and dad and nobody imo opinion is over them except God. Yes you get married and start another family, but mom and dad should always be respected. Yes the households are separate and when my son marries I hope I get along with his wife-I would like that, but I also would hope that as his mom I'd get respect just like her mom.

I agree that parents should be respected, but it goes both ways. The parents need to respect their grown up children and their choices too.

Agreed wink

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Reply #13 posted 05/11/12 2:57pm

Serious

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nursev said:

Serious said:

I didn't get along with my ex's parents at all in the beginning and after a few years we went along great and I used to be closer to them than to my own family. But when we had problems in the beginning my ex hardly had any contact with his parents because of that and finally that was how they learned to respect his choice. And it was pretty similar with my family too: they were not happy about my choice in the beginning and later they adored him.

My family probably would not get along with my current boyfriend and I doubt they will ever meet him because of fucked-up visa laws, but it is my choice who I am with and not my family's and they know that it is none of their business at all.

Yes it's ur choice and mom and dad should respect ur choice, but my opinion is that under no circumstances should a spouse let a spouse disrespect their parents-that's bullshit. When I was married my mother-in-law and I got along great, but when we separated she took her sons side which I expected. But I always showed her respect until she called me one day with that foolishness and Nursey went there lol

They should not disrespect their parents, I agree about that, but if the parents disrespect the relationship, then they need to put the partner first and stand by his/her side IMO.

With a very special thank you to Tina: Is hammer already absolute, how much some people verändern...ICH hope is never so I will be! And if, then I hope that I would then have wen in my environment who joins me in the A....
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Reply #14 posted 05/11/12 2:58pm

Serious

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nursev said:

Serious said:

I agree that parents should be respected, but it goes both ways. The parents need to respect their grown up children and their choices too.

Agreed wink

biggrin

With a very special thank you to Tina: Is hammer already absolute, how much some people verändern...ICH hope is never so I will be! And if, then I hope that I would then have wen in my environment who joins me in the A....
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Reply #15 posted 05/11/12 4:13pm

Genesia

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The spouse comes before anyone - before children, and certainly before parents.
I mean if he did have sex he would break every rule Jehova's have regarding premarital sex so Prince is really just friends with them all anyway.
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Reply #16 posted 05/11/12 4:33pm

PurpleRayven

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Genesia said:

The spouse comes before anyone - before children, and certainly before parents.

This is the way it should be. Unless my spouse is doing some off the wall type stuff, then the spouses should definitely be putting each other above the rest.

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Reply #17 posted 05/11/12 4:39pm

paintedlady

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Spouse before ADULT children (depending on the issues, grown kids need to move the hell out) ... my husband ever fuck with my minor children he dies an ugly death... a very ugly painful and sudden death, don't mess with my kids.

and my momma comes after my husband, the heffa better get a new hobby and leave my marriage alone, this is why kids can not and should not run to momma after every fight and kids need to learn how to communicate with their spouses.

I can only teach my son the best I can, once they are grown I must respect them and trust them to make the best decisions for themselves and not interfere in a relationship....

until my boy get s divorce then the bitch is mine....

as far as my daughter goes... any man puts his hands on my daughter (at any age)... will end up missing.

whistling

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Reply #18 posted 05/11/12 4:49pm

nursev

Damn! So nobody respects their momma up in here evillol

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Reply #19 posted 05/11/12 4:53pm

TD3

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My opinion...

Stay away from mamma's boys; run like hell. Or daddy or mamma's girls for that matter.

Problem solved... because if your asking that question, this is usually the issue. biggrin

Needless to say unless there's some very legitimate reason why a parent or parents should be concerned before or after a child marries, their choice should be respected. Whatever my mother had to say to my husband before we were married she said, after that she accepted and respected my choice. Though my husband swears she gave him th side eye for at least 10 years. I do remember her telling him, "We will like you as long as Trina likes you. If she stops liking you, right or wrong, we don't like either." lol

As far as children, they come first. Habbo is a grown man who can take care of himself, just as I'm a grown woman who can take care of myself, our daughter couldn't. We shared an opinion a core value our personal happiness really wasn't all that important but taking care of our daughter came before anything.

Do parents come first? It depends in what context your are speaking of?

-----------------------------------

[Edited 5/11/12 16:59pm]

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Reply #20 posted 05/11/12 4:54pm

Timmy84

Respect your parents. This isn't no damn contest. neutral

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Reply #21 posted 05/11/12 4:54pm

nursev

Timmy84 said:

Respect your parents. This isn't no damn contest. neutral

Amen!!!!! clapping

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Reply #22 posted 05/11/12 4:55pm

Timmy84

My parents respected whoever we were dating. They never got in the way of it because it's not really the parents' job to snoop. That is until the person starts to have mad problems with said spouse...and tells their parents about it and I've heard too much conversations about THAT in particular. neutral

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Reply #23 posted 05/11/12 4:57pm

Timmy84

nursev said:

Timmy84 said:

Respect your parents. This isn't no damn contest. neutral

Amen!!!!! clapping

I just think it has to do with respect on both sides. You can't go on bringing drama to one another. That's why there's so many problems between parents and their child's spouses/girlfriends/boyfriends whatever. It's never always solved in black and white but at least show respect.

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Reply #24 posted 05/11/12 4:57pm

TD3

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Timmy84 said:

Respect your parents. This isn't no damn contest. neutral

That's the crux of the issue... because sometime parents and/or children make it "a damn contets." wink

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Reply #25 posted 05/11/12 4:58pm

nursev

Timmy84 said:

nursev said:

Amen!!!!! clapping

I just think it has to do with respect on both sides. You can't go on bringing drama to one another. That's why there's so many problems between parents and their child's spouses/girlfriends/boyfriends whatever. It's never always solved in black and white but at least show respect.

Agreed and best post of the day wink

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Reply #26 posted 05/11/12 4:58pm

Timmy84

TD3 said:

Timmy84 said:

Respect your parents. This isn't no damn contest. neutral

That's the crux of the issue... because sometime parents and/or children make it "a damn contets." wink

And I hate those that make it that way... "who should come first?" Seriously? No disrespect to you by the way Script but... lol

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Reply #27 posted 05/11/12 5:11pm

TD3

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Timmy84 said:

TD3 said:

That's the crux of the issue... because sometime parents and/or children make it "a damn contets." wink

And I hate those that make it that way... "who should come first?" Seriously? No disrespect to you by the way Script but... lol

Sadly, yes. For the most part women / mother-in-laws pull this mess. confused If you have a spouse that doesn't have the guts to stop it their crazy ass mamma in her tracks, they can destroy a relationship /marriage. People talk about you don't marry the family, that's a lie. lol Unless the family lives clear across the country. jet

lol

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Reply #28 posted 05/11/12 5:15pm

Timmy84

TD3 said:

Timmy84 said:

And I hate those that make it that way... "who should come first?" Seriously? No disrespect to you by the way Script but... lol

Sadly, yes. For the most part women / mother-in-laws pull this mess. confused If you have a spouse that doesn't have the guts to stop it their crazy ass mamma in her tracks, they can destroy a relationship /marriage. People talk about you don't marry the family, that's a lie. lol Unless the family lives clear across the country. jet

lol

Or maybe people are just ignorant...

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Reply #29 posted 05/11/12 5:19pm

Genesia

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Timmy84 said:

Respect your parents. This isn't no damn contest. neutral



Putting your spouse first doesn't mean disrespecting your parents. confuse
I mean if he did have sex he would break every rule Jehova's have regarding premarital sex so Prince is really just friends with them all anyway.
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