Hi guys,

I don't start topics much on here but I could really use some advice on a matter that I've somehow been wrangled into. And based on your posts, there are a lot of you people that have to deal with some family member's shady dealings from time to time. So here goes!

Over the past 5 years or so, my dad has been taking out payday loans and not paying the borrower back. He puts down my name/phone #, and various other family member's names/numbers as a reference, doesn't pay off the loan, doesn't answer his phone call when they call him and then we get the call when the borrower wants to collect. Usually they ask us to pass their phone # along to our dad and we always ask them to quit calling us. That usually stops the calls for a little while. This has been going on for years.

Over the last 2 days, I've been getting calls from law offices about my dad writing bad checks all over the state of Iowa. They can not give me specifics (like time frames) but from the sound of his voice, it's ongoing still. And it's no longer payday loans. He's writing bad checks to stores and such. The first person that called was a liaison trying to clear things up for my dad in order to not have legal action taken against him. He questioned who I was and how I was listed as a "verified reference". I asked him what being "verified" means. He said that someone has talked to me at one point as a reference for my dad, which has NEVER happened. He stressed it was very important for my dad to call to determine if there was "fraud" or "maliciousness" when passing these bad checks. I left my dad a voicemail, passing along the info. Today, I got a call from someone who wants to serve papers to him tomorrow and needs my dad to call the law office to hopefully stop him from serving the papers. I asked the guy to please remove me from his list. He told me that he can remove my number from his papers but that does not stop anyone else legally involved from calling me.

My questions to you are:

1. Have you even been involved in someone's business like this?

and

2. How do I get uninvolved?

My dad is horrible with money. Always has been, always will be. I can't change it and it's none of my business. I'm just so irritated that I have to deal with this bullshit. I have shit of my own to deal with and I really, really, really don't need this extra stress.

Get a new phone.

consult an attorney. you might need to publish a small ad in a local paper, stating that you are not responsible for your dad's actions, but an attorney will guide you. if you cannot afford an attorney, consult your local legal aid society. In addition, if I were you, I would change my phone numbers to unlisted ones, so that you cannot be bothered again.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Parents are supposed to be role models.

This is not legal advice but remember that some of the people calling you are likely bill collectors and they will do/say anything to collect; even to the point of stating that you have some sort of legal responsibility for what is going on even if that is not really the truth.

1. Tell your father to stop using you as a reference.

2. Change your phone number/ cell

3. I know this is tuff but don't give your father your number

State laws vary but... the standard is.

Dept collector may contact other people such as friends, relatives, or neighbors to find out information about where that person lives and works. Normally they can only contact you once. In most instances, they are not allowed to tell people about the person's dept (in this case your father's) but only obtain information about their home address and phone number.

I don't know how many phones calls you've recieved but I'd send out a form letter to those collections agencies that have contacted you stating: You are not reponsible for you father's depts nor did you give him permisson to use your name as a reference. Any more phone calls from them will be handled by your attorney. If you haven't co-signed for any of these loans, his dept isn't any of your concern.

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[Edited 11/16/11 14:00pm]

Unfortunately, they're calling me on my work phone. So not only has he given out my home and my cell phone, he's also given out my work phone #.

As a child, I mostly learned what not to do from my parents. It's a shame that this is still the case as an adult.

JuliePurplehead said:

Unfortunately, they're calling me on my work phone. So not only has he given out my home and my cell phone, he's also given out my work phone #.

As a child, I mostly learned what not to do from my parents. It's a shame that this is still the case as an adult.

JuliePurplehead said:

Unfortunately, they're calling me on my work phone. So not only has he given out my home and my cell phone, he's also given out my work phone #.

As a child, I mostly learned what not to do from my parents. It's a shame that this is still the case as an adult.

It's very heartening to see that you haven't moved into overresponsibility out of some misplaced guilt built on misunderstandings and false beliefs. You seem to have a lot of clarity around this.

Wow, what an awful situation. I'm sorry you're having to deal with all of this. Like Supadear said, it's great that you have such good perspective.

You've gotten really good info/advice. I've got nothing to add except

Thanks, guys. I was going to be getting rid of my home phone anyway. And I'll soon be switching cell phone carriers so might just get a new phone # while I'm at it.

I have debt problems too. Not like this, by any means. No bill collectors calling and nobody harrassing my family but I do struggle with excess. This whole situation is an even bigger eye opener for me. I do not want to be 65 years old and bouncing checks because I don't know how to live within my means.

a good attorney will likely help a lot. good luck!

depending on what and who u have ur land phone with im sure they can block certain numbers for free or a certain amount of time..same with ur cell as for them calling ur work phone id check with a attorney and see if that qualifies u or it as them threateneing ur job or risk loosing ur job by them calling ur job site...i agree with others u should talk to a attorney...ur dads actions isnt ur fault by any means nor reflect who u are ( they should see this from ur credit report or ur consistancy on paying ur bills and making arrangements) EVERYONE has money trouble but it sounds like ur dad needs help badly in controling his finances aka financial consultant..and him to stop running and stop spending money he DONT have.

I wish u the best Julie and hope u find a solution to the issue at hand.. i f u can plz keep us update if things improve and what not.

He and his wife have both not been online for the past 2 days and they both live online. Maybe they're in the Clink.

JuliePurplehead said:

He and his wife have both not been online for the past 2 days and they both live online. Maybe they're in the Clink.

maybe they have alt accounts so noone can track them..people do do that.

a few years back a collection agency called me in regard to a distant relative's debt. they called more than once.

finally, after being told by the coll-agency rep that the call was being recorded, i then told the collection agncy rep, "before you continue your end of the conversation, i have to tell you that you also are being recorded." guess what! the rep's tone changed. i was then told the call was just a formality as they were trying to reach the person, and i had been used as a reference. the caller then ended the call. i was never called again by the coll-agency.

point being, i put the shoe on the other foot. i know i cannot record a person w/out their permission, but i can inform them prior to the conversation and it is all legal. it's up to them to continue. 9.5% out of 10 they will politely end the call and will not call again.

i've told this to other's that have been primarily harrassed the same info. they told me the calls ceased.

free2bfreeda said:

a few years back a collection agency called me in regard to a distant relative's debt. they called more than once.

finally, after being told by the coll-agency rep that the call was being recorded, i then told the collection agncy rep, "before you continue your end of the conversation, i have to tell you that you also are being recorded." guess what! the rep's tone changed. i was then told the call was just a formality as they were trying to reach the person, and i had been used as a reference. the caller then ended the call. i was never called again by the coll-agency.

point being, i put the shoe on the other foot. i know i cannot record a person w/out their permission, but i can inform them prior to the conversation and it is all legal. it's up to them to continue. 9.5% out of 10 they will politely end the call and will not call again.

i've told this to other's that have been primarily harrassed the same info. they told me the calls ceased.

ooh, I'm gonna do this next time. I haven't had any calls for the past 2 days. I was told that papers were being served to him yesterday.

Sorry to hear about this. I have plenty of issues with my dad, but I do trust him at least.

These collections agencies are completely shady, too, so the whole thing is very stinky.

I would consult an attorney to find out what YOUR legal obligations are. unfortunately, it sounds like dad is in a bit of real legal trouble as passing worthless checks (at least here in FL) has both civil and criminal (felony if they are over a certain $ amount) penalties.

I would not turn him in or give anyone the info. they need to find them. that is their job and it is NOT up to you to make it easier for them. that is just me and others may thing it's their moral obligation to step in.

I WOULD give dad a call and sternly tell him to NOT use your name in his criminal activity any longer. If he does, that is when I would give any and all info. they need on him.

doing dirt is one thing, but involving others in your dirt is another.

JerseyKRS said:

I would consult an attorney to find out what YOUR legal obligations are. unfortunately, it sounds like dad is in a bit of real legal trouble as passing worthless checks (at least here in FL) has both civil and criminal (felony if they are over a certain $ amount) penalties.

I would not turn him in or give anyone the info. they need to find them. that is their job and it is NOT up to you to make it easier for them. that is just me and others may thing it's their moral obligation to step in.

I WOULD give dad a call and sternly tell him to NOT use your name in his criminal activity any longer. If he does, that is when I would give any and all info. they need on him.

doing dirt is one thing, but involving others in your dirt is another.

I was just about to say this. Let you dad know that what he is doing is fraud and has consquences and you want no part of his dealings; yes he already knows this but stress the point. If he continues then it is on him and you need to do whatever is necessary to to uninvolve yourself.

Clearly he doesn't care that this is stressing you out and probably ruining your credit so you have no obligation to cover for him; he is a grown ass man who needs to take responsibility for his own dirt.