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Thread started 04/19/11 3:41pm

HermesReborn

Love & Fidelity, Does it Exist?

So does it?

I ask this question cause i'm in an awkward position and I'd like to get opinions from everyone across the broad spectrum, cause I wonder if I'm alone in questioning this.

A little background info on me, I've never been good with relationships, whether it's getting into them or maintaining them. I come from a long line of womanizers, and i've always associated that with negativity, more specifically because I was raised by females. I had no real male role models in my life. This precisely the reason why I've always been awkward to the opposite sex. The only time I was really successful, was in my late teens when I was abusing drugs and in a rock band. Then I really didn't have to do anything, sex was literally thrown at me.

So now a few years down the line and I'm clean and sober, finally healthy enough to enter a relationship, with the given dating environment I see that dating, especially where I live, in NYC, is just a mad dash to sex. Romance and love are just fleeting chemical responses that leave fairly quickly. While everyone seems to want honesty, by the time they are truly confronted with it, they fold like a house of cards. And I've been myself always. I'm a no nonsense transcendentalist who flirts occasionally with fatalism. I've found myself in a place, where I'm finally grounded to reality and realize everyone around me isn't. And they're all unhappy once you ground them as well.

So...

Dealing with that...

I see my towering tradition of womanizing men. Psychological assassins, whose success in the past and continued success is mind boggling.

I have a 74 year old grandfather, who still manages to lift women half his age on a weekly basis. he's been womanizing since his late 20's.

The poster boy of a player and sex addict.

Meanwhile I'm a fraction of his age, embodied with a universe of neurosis' and all I ever wanted was good companionship.

Someone to talk to and listen to.

And somehow I've failed.

And I've done everything, been myself, lied voraciously, everything seems to be doomed.

It's either its not the right time, or place or it's not the right person.

So... I wonder...

is it all a rouse...

Is there no right time, place or person.

Should I just hang up the towel on love and companionship.

And just follow the footsteps of my grand dad and other male's in my family.

As I start thinking about that, I realize that doing that would be relatively easy...

I have a good job, that attracts women like honey, (Music PR & And Talent Scouting.)

I'm moderately attractive (which is more than what you have to be these days.)

Sure I would have to hurt people, something i really don't want to do.

But maybe it's true, some people want to use you, and some of them want to be used by you.

I honestly don't know if i want to go that route though.

It's either stay honest and alone....

Or promiscuous, and still alone, but at least fucking random women....

Guess which one I'm leaning towards....

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Reply #1 posted 04/19/11 4:03pm

ThruTheEyesOfW
onder

avatar

Wow...

Sounds like you're in quite a quandary there.

To answer your question about love and fidelity, I can tell you that I've seen it. My parents have been married 27 years this year. My mother and father have stayed true to each other and never looked to another for fulfillment. They've had their share of fights, there were times when they nearly left each other, but they managed to look past their quarrels and kept their marriage together. And despite the familiarity they've become accustomed to, they still love each other. Their marriage is together because they're open and honest with each other.

A relationship and/or marriage takes a lot of hard work. And it's not for everybody. Some people see it as a life long commitment to a person that they love. Others see it as a way of settling down after fooling around in their younger years. And some, well, marriage is simply "something to do", for image and reputation. Take a look at the Kennedys as an example. The majority of them were womanizers, and it was just something their wives accepted going into their family.

About your family background. I think that if you make a conscious decision that you don't want to be like that (i.e a player well into old age), then you won't end up like that. But it's you who ultimately makes that decision. Some men come from families where their father beat and/or raped their mother or beat their children. Or had fathers who fooled around on their mothers. While the odds aren't in their favour from a psychological standpoint, they still can make that change to be different people.

I don't know what decision you should make. But I told you that a good, long-lasting love is possible because I've seen it to exist. It just takes work.

The player lifestyle might be appealing now, but have you perhaps thought that maybe it's not all it's cracked up to be? Sure you might have your pick of any woman you want on a given day, but you'd still be alone. Eventually sex won't be something sacred or fun or special, it'll be just a way of filling the void and satisfying the carnal instinct. None of those women will care for you or take care of you the way one good woman can. But like I said, if you choose to find one woman and stay with her, you have to do your part to keep the relationship alive.

As far as the living honourably but alone part...let me say, if you live honourably, you wont be alone. You will find someone just an honourable to invest your time in. It may be lonely, but nothing beats the feeling of when you finally find the person you've been searching for all your life.

That's just my two cents.

The salvation of man is through love and in love. - Dr. V. Frankl

"When you close your heart, you close your mind." - Michael Jackson (Man In The Mirror)

"I don't need anger management, I need people to stop pissing me off" lol
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Reply #2 posted 04/19/11 4:28pm

HermesReborn

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

Wow...

Sounds like you're in quite a quandary there.

To answer your question about love and fidelity, I can tell you that I've seen it. My parents have been married 27 years this year. My mother and father have stayed true to each other and never looked to another for fulfillment. They've had their share of fights, there were times when they nearly left each other, but they managed to look past their quarrels and kept their marriage together. And despite the familiarity they've become accustomed to, they still love each other. Their marriage is together because they're open and honest with each other.

A relationship and/or marriage takes a lot of hard work. And it's not for everybody. Some people see it as a life long commitment to a person that they love. Others see it as a way of settling down after fooling around in their younger years. And some, well, marriage is simply "something to do", for image and reputation. Take a look at the Kennedys as an example. The majority of them were womanizers, and it was just something their wives accepted going into their family.

About your family background. I think that if you make a conscious decision that you don't want to be like that (i.e a player well into old age), then you won't end up like that. But it's you who ultimately makes that decision. Some men come from families where their father beat and/or raped their mother or beat their children. Or had fathers who fooled around on their mothers. While the odds aren't in their favour from a psychological standpoint, they still can make that change to be different people.

I don't know what decision you should make. But I told you that a good, long-lasting love is possible because I've seen it to exist. It just takes work.

The player lifestyle might be appealing now, but have you perhaps thought that maybe it's not all it's cracked up to be? Sure you might have your pick of any woman you want on a given day, but you'd still be alone. Eventually sex won't be something sacred or fun or special, it'll be just a way of filling the void and satisfying the carnal instinct. None of those women will care for you or take care of you the way one good woman can. But like I said, if you choose to find one woman and stay with her, you have to do your part to keep the relationship alive.

As far as the living honourably but alone part...let me say, if you live honourably, you wont be alone. You will find someone just an honourable to invest your time in. It may be lonely, but nothing beats the feeling of when you finally find the person you've been searching for all your life.

That's just my two cents.

I really do thank you for replying and your candor.

But what if... the era of love is over...

We live in an entirely different world then where your grand parents grew up.

It seems that monogamy is some invention of western culture. Some fairy tale to tell girls when they're young. When in reality in order for them to achieve that they have to settle.

We all have to settle.

A partof me always asks why?

i think us settling is the reason we're so unhappy.

We're a populous of pharmacologically drunk miscreants, who indulge in fake reality T.V.

and underwear models.

We claim to believe in higher causes,

but we're just superficial.

and it no doubt feels easier to just be superficial...

and use the system rather then go against it, and suffer the wrath of a broken heart.

[Edited 4/19/11 16:36pm]

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Reply #3 posted 04/19/11 4:41pm

Serious

avatar

I was in a very happy monogamous relationship fors 17 years. As a woman who is okay looking and knows how to dress sexy I got tons of offers, but I don't cheat on the man I love. Now I am with somebody else and he lives on the other side of the world and I don't see him for months, but I am still being faithful even though I love sex. I guess it depends on the person. You sound as if you think you are missing something if you don't sleep around. I never had that feeling.
With a very special thank you to Tina: Is hammer already absolute, how much some people verändern...ICH hope is never so I will be! And if, then I hope that I would then have wen in my environment who joins me in the A....
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Reply #4 posted 04/19/11 4:48pm

Mach

26 yrs now of consistant love and fidelity

so ~ Yes and Yes

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Reply #5 posted 04/19/11 5:01pm

ThruTheEyesOfW
onder

avatar

HermesReborn said:

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

Wow...

Sounds like you're in quite a quandary there.

To answer your question about love and fidelity, I can tell you that I've seen it. My parents have been married 27 years this year. My mother and father have stayed true to each other and never looked to another for fulfillment. They've had their share of fights, there were times when they nearly left each other, but they managed to look past their quarrels and kept their marriage together. And despite the familiarity they've become accustomed to, they still love each other. Their marriage is together because they're open and honest with each other.

A relationship and/or marriage takes a lot of hard work. And it's not for everybody. Some people see it as a life long commitment to a person that they love. Others see it as a way of settling down after fooling around in their younger years. And some, well, marriage is simply "something to do", for image and reputation. Take a look at the Kennedys as an example. The majority of them were womanizers, and it was just something their wives accepted going into their family.

About your family background. I think that if you make a conscious decision that you don't want to be like that (i.e a player well into old age), then you won't end up like that. But it's you who ultimately makes that decision. Some men come from families where their father beat and/or raped their mother or beat their children. Or had fathers who fooled around on their mothers. While the odds aren't in their favour from a psychological standpoint, they still can make that change to be different people.

I don't know what decision you should make. But I told you that a good, long-lasting love is possible because I've seen it to exist. It just takes work.

The player lifestyle might be appealing now, but have you perhaps thought that maybe it's not all it's cracked up to be? Sure you might have your pick of any woman you want on a given day, but you'd still be alone. Eventually sex won't be something sacred or fun or special, it'll be just a way of filling the void and satisfying the carnal instinct. None of those women will care for you or take care of you the way one good woman can. But like I said, if you choose to find one woman and stay with her, you have to do your part to keep the relationship alive.

As far as the living honourably but alone part...let me say, if you live honourably, you wont be alone. You will find someone just an honourable to invest your time in. It may be lonely, but nothing beats the feeling of when you finally find the person you've been searching for all your life.

That's just my two cents.

I really do thank you for replying and your candor.

But what if... the era of love is over...

We live in an entirely different world then where your grand parents grew up.

It seems that monogamy is some invention of western culture. Some fairy tale to tell girls when they're young. When in reality in order for them to achieve that they have to settle.

We all have to settle.

A partof me always asks why?

i think us settling is the reason we're so unhappy.

We're a populous of pharmacologically drunk miscreants, who indulge in fake reality T.V.

and underwear models.

We claim to believe in higher causes,

but we're just superficial.

and it no doubt feels easier to just be superficial...

and use the system rather then go against it, and suffer the wrath of a broken heart.

[Edited 4/19/11 16:36pm]

I agree with your second paragraph. I'm seeing this more and more in today's society. But we can't generalize, otherwise we lose hope. And sometimes, that's the only thing that keeps people going. I know it's what keeps me going...

I've lost people I've deeply loved. I've had my heart broken by someone I used to care about. But I still keep going. I don't see why I should embitter myself to the outside world when there's so much it has to offer. I still believe that something good can happen to me (and others too) on the relationship front, I just have to keep myself open for the opportunity to find me (or I find it). You have to believe it can happen, and it will. You know what they say, the day you give up your dreams, you die.

And to answer the first part of your response: ‎Love never dies. People just walk away from it. But that doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

The salvation of man is through love and in love. - Dr. V. Frankl

"When you close your heart, you close your mind." - Michael Jackson (Man In The Mirror)

"I don't need anger management, I need people to stop pissing me off" lol
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Reply #6 posted 04/19/11 5:09pm

davetherave676
7

hell no!!

Dave Is Nuttier Than A Can Of Planters Peanuts...(Ottensen)
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Reply #7 posted 04/19/11 5:15pm

HermesReborn

Serious said:

I was in a very happy monogamous relationship fors 17 years. As a woman who is okay looking and knows how to dress sexy I got tons of offers, but I don't cheat on the man I love. Now I am with somebody else and he lives on the other side of the world and I don't see him for months, but I am still being faithful even though I love sex. I guess it depends on the person. You sound as if you think you are missing something if you don't sleep around. I never had that feeling.

I really don't have a real big interest in sex mind you.

I have a lower then average sex drive for a male. It has its ups and downs.

But I don't need it... like some do.

And I don't cheat as well...

However I must admit at times... it just seems easier to play the field.

It's really a different experience for a man.

And I really hate to play that card...

But it is pretty true.

You can be an honest and innocent girl, find a prince charming, or a wolf posing to be a prince and be generally happy.

For a guy... not really. you have to be somewhat of a predator to get any action.

I've never been instilled with that predatory nature it takes to "pursue" women.

I treat them as friends. And always thought that a friendship was important to instill a good relationship. I just think I've gotten this wrong. I see how women react to that notion, and it's something they like to believe in but not at all attracted to.

If you want proof all you gotta do is walk down fifth avenue on a saturday night.

Girls are seemingly attracted to bad boys and assholes.

and I admit, when I was an asshole in my teens...

They pawed at me...

Now I'm a nice guy, not so much...

in addition relationships deteriorate, and you must embody a keen self-awareness to survive them.

And if you do, there is a large possibility, that once the elevated serotonin levels subside, you'll realize that you're with a person you barely even like, or who barely likes you.

You just end up...

Tolerating each other...

No offense to those of you, who seemed to have gotten it to work.

But I think you guys are the exception that proves the rule...

[Edited 4/19/11 17:15pm]

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Reply #8 posted 04/19/11 5:19pm

HermesReborn

davetherave6767 said:

hell no!!

hehe

It's interesting that the first Male answer is this one

lol

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Reply #9 posted 04/19/11 5:22pm

davetherave676
7

HermesReborn said:

davetherave6767 said:

hell no!!

hehe

It's interesting that the first Male answer is this one

lol

and im right!

Dave Is Nuttier Than A Can Of Planters Peanuts...(Ottensen)
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Reply #10 posted 04/19/11 5:55pm

HermesReborn

davetherave6767 said:

HermesReborn said:

hehe

It's interesting that the first Male answer is this one

lol

and im right!

maybe... sigh

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Reply #11 posted 04/19/11 6:02pm

ThruTheEyesOfW
onder

avatar

I don't know why...but I'm sensing you need a hug.

Here....hug

biggrin

And a lil music...

The salvation of man is through love and in love. - Dr. V. Frankl

"When you close your heart, you close your mind." - Michael Jackson (Man In The Mirror)

"I don't need anger management, I need people to stop pissing me off" lol
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Reply #12 posted 04/19/11 6:12pm

XxAxX

avatar

yes and no

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Reply #13 posted 04/19/11 6:18pm

HermesReborn

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

I don't know why...but I'm sensing you need a hug.

Here....hug

biggrin

And a lil music...

But I'll take your hug neway

hug

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Reply #14 posted 04/20/11 2:49am

TheFreakerFant
astic

avatar

Yes it does. If you believe it does and want it in your heart then it will come.

[Edited 4/20/11 2:49am]

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Reply #15 posted 04/20/11 3:03am

Cerebus

avatar

Yes they exist, but only on rare occasions do they last "forever". But that's not something to stress over, really. Most people just aren't meant to be together forever and the world would probably be a much happier place if they'd just take their lumps and move on. All just my opinion of course, and yes, my heart is dark and shrivelled. lol

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Reply #16 posted 04/20/11 3:17am

Fauxie

avatar

I'm gonna say yes, absolutely.

.

[Edited 4/20/11 3:18am]

MY COUSIN WORKS IN A PHARMACY AND SHE SAID THEY ENEMA'D PRANCE INTO OBLIVION WITH FENTONILS!!
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Reply #17 posted 04/20/11 5:06am

CarrieMpls

Ex-Moderator

avatar

Yes, love and fidelity exist. Even at my most jaded (and believe me, I am jaded) I can see the couples who are happy and honestly in love.

I'm not understanding your dilemma.

You can "play the field" without hurting anyone (intentionally anyway) as long as you're truly honest with the women you date and yourself. If that's really what you want.

You can be alone and happy as well.

And you can be alone and happy until the right person comes along.

I'm one of those people who'd rather be alone than with the wrong person just for the sake of being with someone. While I tried out all my options along the way, I learned that casual dating is NOT my idea of fun. So I was alone for many years, and happily so. A year ago I met my boyfriend and I think he's probably gonne be the man who's around for a very, very long time. I honestly thought I'd be spending the rest of my life alone. And if something happens and this relationship doesn't work out, I think I'll probably be back to being happily alone. But that doesn't mean love and fidelity don't exist.

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Reply #18 posted 04/20/11 12:54pm

HermesReborn

CarrieMpls said:

Yes, love and fidelity exist. Even at my most jaded (and believe me, I am jaded) I can see the couples who are happy and honestly in love.

I'm not understanding your dilemma.

You can "play the field" without hurting anyone (intentionally anyway) as long as you're truly honest with the women you date and yourself. If that's really what you want.

You can be alone and happy as well.

And you can be alone and happy until the right person comes along.

I'm one of those people who'd rather be alone than with the wrong person just for the sake of being with someone. While I tried out all my options along the way, I learned that casual dating is NOT my idea of fun. So I was alone for many years, and happily so. A year ago I met my boyfriend and I think he's probably gonne be the man who's around for a very, very long time. I honestly thought I'd be spending the rest of my life alone. And if something happens and this relationship doesn't work out, I think I'll probably be back to being happily alone. But that doesn't mean love and fidelity don't exist.

interesting ranges of answers.

However I think I agree with your ideology the most.

Maybe I should just "play the field" for a while.

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Reply #19 posted 04/20/11 1:03pm

endymion

avatar

HermesReborn said:

So does it?

I ask this question cause i'm in an awkward position and I'd like to get opinions from everyone across the broad spectrum, cause I wonder if I'm alone in questioning this.

A little background info on me, I've never been good with relationships, whether it's getting into them or maintaining them. I come from a long line of womanizers, and i've always associated that with negativity, more specifically because I was raised by females. I had no real male role models in my life. This precisely the reason why I've always been awkward to the opposite sex. The only time I was really successful, was in my late teens when I was abusing drugs and in a rock band. Then I really didn't have to do anything, sex was literally thrown at me.

So now a few years down the line and I'm clean and sober, finally healthy enough to enter a relationship, with the given dating environment I see that dating, especially where I live, in NYC, is just a mad dash to sex. Romance and love are just fleeting chemical responses that leave fairly quickly. While everyone seems to want honesty, by the time they are truly confronted with it, they fold like a house of cards. And I've been myself always. I'm a no nonsense transcendentalist who flirts occasionally with fatalism. I've found myself in a place, where I'm finally grounded to reality and realize everyone around me isn't. And they're all unhappy once you ground them as well.

So...

Dealing with that...

I see my towering tradition of womanizing men. Psychological assassins, whose success in the past and continued success is mind boggling.

I have a 74 year old grandfather, who still manages to lift women half his age on a weekly basis. he's been womanizing since his late 20's.

The poster boy of a player and sex addict.

Meanwhile I'm a fraction of his age, embodied with a universe of neurosis' and all I ever wanted was good companionship.

Someone to talk to and listen to.

And somehow I've failed.

And I've done everything, been myself, lied voraciously, everything seems to be doomed.

It's either its not the right time, or place or it's not the right person.

So... I wonder...

is it all a rouse...

Is there no right time, place or person.

Should I just hang up the towel on love and companionship.

And just follow the footsteps of my grand dad and other male's in my family.

As I start thinking about that, I realize that doing that would be relatively easy...

I have a good job, that attracts women like honey, (Music PR & And Talent Scouting.)

I'm moderately attractive (which is more than what you have to be these days.)

Sure I would have to hurt people, something i really don't want to do.

But maybe it's true, some people want to use you, and some of them want to be used by you.

I honestly don't know if i want to go that route though.

It's either stay honest and alone....

Or promiscuous, and still alone, but at least fucking random women....

Guess which one I'm leaning towards....

That is your main problem right there

What you have to remember is everyone is different some women are one thing others are something else. Same with men

Decide what YOU want then don't settle for anything less. thumbs up!

What you don't remember never happened
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Reply #20 posted 04/20/11 1:11pm

PaisleyPark508
3

avatar

Yes it exists, I have been married to my husband for 27 years. I would not hurt him for the world and I know he would never hurt me. We are eachother's bestfriend, and I can honestly say we are happiest when we are together. Does this work for everyone, I have no idea. But I feel blessed to have found my one.

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Reply #21 posted 04/20/11 1:26pm

HermesReborn

endymion said:

HermesReborn said:

So does it?

I ask this question cause i'm in an awkward position and I'd like to get opinions from everyone across the broad spectrum, cause I wonder if I'm alone in questioning this.

A little background info on me, I've never been good with relationships, whether it's getting into them or maintaining them. I come from a long line of womanizers, and i've always associated that with negativity, more specifically because I was raised by females. I had no real male role models in my life. This precisely the reason why I've always been awkward to the opposite sex. The only time I was really successful, was in my late teens when I was abusing drugs and in a rock band. Then I really didn't have to do anything, sex was literally thrown at me.

So now a few years down the line and I'm clean and sober, finally healthy enough to enter a relationship, with the given dating environment I see that dating, especially where I live, in NYC, is just a mad dash to sex. Romance and love are just fleeting chemical responses that leave fairly quickly. While everyone seems to want honesty, by the time they are truly confronted with it, they fold like a house of cards. And I've been myself always. I'm a no nonsense transcendentalist who flirts occasionally with fatalism. I've found myself in a place, where I'm finally grounded to reality and realize everyone around me isn't. And they're all unhappy once you ground them as well.

So...

Dealing with that...

I see my towering tradition of womanizing men. Psychological assassins, whose success in the past and continued success is mind boggling.

I have a 74 year old grandfather, who still manages to lift women half his age on a weekly basis. he's been womanizing since his late 20's.

The poster boy of a player and sex addict.

Meanwhile I'm a fraction of his age, embodied with a universe of neurosis' and all I ever wanted was good companionship.

Someone to talk to and listen to.

And somehow I've failed.

And I've done everything, been myself, lied voraciously, everything seems to be doomed.

It's either its not the right time, or place or it's not the right person.

So... I wonder...

is it all a rouse...

Is there no right time, place or person.

Should I just hang up the towel on love and companionship.

And just follow the footsteps of my grand dad and other male's in my family.

As I start thinking about that, I realize that doing that would be relatively easy...

I have a good job, that attracts women like honey, (Music PR & And Talent Scouting.)

I'm moderately attractive (which is more than what you have to be these days.)

Sure I would have to hurt people, something i really don't want to do.

But maybe it's true, some people want to use you, and some of them want to be used by you.

I honestly don't know if i want to go that route though.

It's either stay honest and alone....

Or promiscuous, and still alone, but at least fucking random women....

Guess which one I'm leaning towards....

That is your main problem right there

What you have to remember is everyone is different some women are one thing others are something else. Same with men

Decide what YOU want then don't settle for anything less. thumbs up!

i think thats the problem though. I know exactly what I want because I've had it before, and I just fucked it up.

And I constantly try to fit people into that paradigm. Which might be unrealistic.

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Reply #22 posted 04/20/11 2:58pm

FrenchGuy

avatar

confused confused Maybe I'm a love hater, but I'm not optimistic regarding love in general... To me, monogamy seems too unnatural. I don't believe in it... I can trust my partnet though, but I don't know if I can resist any sort of infidelity if I have the opportunity to do...
Everybody is somebody, but nobody wants to be themselves.
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Reply #23 posted 04/21/11 6:58pm

HermesReborn

FrenchGuy said:

confused confused Maybe I'm a love hater, but I'm not optimistic regarding love in general... To me, monogamy seems too unnatural. I don't believe in it... I can trust my partnet though, but I don't know if I can resist any sort of infidelity if I have the opportunity to do...

interesting

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Reply #24 posted 04/21/11 6:58pm

Timmy84

XxAxX said:

yes and no

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Reply #25 posted 04/21/11 8:31pm

HermesReborn

Timmy84 said:

XxAxX said:

yes and no

wow its quite obvious no one wants to seriously touch this topic, not even with a 10 foot pole.

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Reply #26 posted 04/21/11 8:34pm

WaterInYourBat
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FrenchGuy said:

confused confused Maybe I'm a love hater, but I'm not optimistic regarding love in general... To me, monogamy seems too unnatural. I don't believe in it... I can trust my partnet though, but I don't know if I can resist any sort of infidelity if I have the opportunity to do...

And how would you feel if you were ever cheated on?

"You put water into a cup, it becomes the cup...Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend." - Bruce Lee
"Water can nourish me, but water can also carry me. Water has magic laws." - JCVD
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Reply #27 posted 04/21/11 8:44pm

WaterInYourBat
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HermesReborn said:

So does it?

I ask this question cause i'm in an awkward position and I'd like to get opinions from everyone across the broad spectrum, cause I wonder if I'm alone in questioning this.

A little background info on me, I've never been good with relationships, whether it's getting into them or maintaining them. I come from a long line of womanizers, and i've always associated that with negativity, more specifically because I was raised by females. I had no real male role models in my life. This precisely the reason why I've always been awkward to the opposite sex. The only time I was really successful, was in my late teens when I was abusing drugs and in a rock band. Then I really didn't have to do anything, sex was literally thrown at me.

So now a few years down the line and I'm clean and sober, finally healthy enough to enter a relationship, with the given dating environment I see that dating, especially where I live, in NYC, is just a mad dash to sex. Romance and love are just fleeting chemical responses that leave fairly quickly. While everyone seems to want honesty, by the time they are truly confronted with it, they fold like a house of cards. And I've been myself always. I'm a no nonsense transcendentalist who flirts occasionally with fatalism. I've found myself in a place, where I'm finally grounded to reality and realize everyone around me isn't. And they're all unhappy once you ground them as well.

So...

Dealing with that...

I see my towering tradition of womanizing men. Psychological assassins, whose success in the past and continued success is mind boggling.

I have a 74 year old grandfather, who still manages to lift women half his age on a weekly basis. he's been womanizing since his late 20's.

The poster boy of a player and sex addict.

Meanwhile I'm a fraction of his age, embodied with a universe of neurosis' and all I ever wanted was good companionship.

Someone to talk to and listen to.

And somehow I've failed.

And I've done everything, been myself, lied voraciously, everything seems to be doomed.

It's either its not the right time, or place or it's not the right person.

So... I wonder...

is it all a rouse...

Is there no right time, place or person.

Should I just hang up the towel on love and companionship.

And just follow the footsteps of my grand dad and other male's in my family.

As I start thinking about that, I realize that doing that would be relatively easy...

I have a good job, that attracts women like honey, (Music PR & And Talent Scouting.)

I'm moderately attractive (which is more than what you have to be these days.)

Sure I would have to hurt people, something i really don't want to do.

But maybe it's true, some people want to use you, and some of them want to be used by you.

I honestly don't know if i want to go that route though.

It's either stay honest and alone....

Or promiscuous, and still alone, but at least fucking random women....

Guess which one I'm leaning towards....

Why can't you do just that? Why continue to endanger your health, and also start treating women the way you wouldn't want to be treated?

"You put water into a cup, it becomes the cup...Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend." - Bruce Lee
"Water can nourish me, but water can also carry me. Water has magic laws." - JCVD
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Reply #28 posted 04/21/11 9:03pm

HermesReborn

WaterInYourBath said:

HermesReborn said:

So does it?

I ask this question cause i'm in an awkward position and I'd like to get opinions from everyone across the broad spectrum, cause I wonder if I'm alone in questioning this.

A little background info on me, I've never been good with relationships, whether it's getting into them or maintaining them. I come from a long line of womanizers, and i've always associated that with negativity, more specifically because I was raised by females. I had no real male role models in my life. This precisely the reason why I've always been awkward to the opposite sex. The only time I was really successful, was in my late teens when I was abusing drugs and in a rock band. Then I really didn't have to do anything, sex was literally thrown at me.

So now a few years down the line and I'm clean and sober, finally healthy enough to enter a relationship, with the given dating environment I see that dating, especially where I live, in NYC, is just a mad dash to sex. Romance and love are just fleeting chemical responses that leave fairly quickly. While everyone seems to want honesty, by the time they are truly confronted with it, they fold like a house of cards. And I've been myself always. I'm a no nonsense transcendentalist who flirts occasionally with fatalism. I've found myself in a place, where I'm finally grounded to reality and realize everyone around me isn't. And they're all unhappy once you ground them as well.

So...

Dealing with that...

I see my towering tradition of womanizing men. Psychological assassins, whose success in the past and continued success is mind boggling.

I have a 74 year old grandfather, who still manages to lift women half his age on a weekly basis. he's been womanizing since his late 20's.

The poster boy of a player and sex addict.

Meanwhile I'm a fraction of his age, embodied with a universe of neurosis' and all I ever wanted was good companionship.

Someone to talk to and listen to.

And somehow I've failed.

And I've done everything, been myself, lied voraciously, everything seems to be doomed.

It's either its not the right time, or place or it's not the right person.

So... I wonder...

is it all a rouse...

Is there no right time, place or person.

Should I just hang up the towel on love and companionship.

And just follow the footsteps of my grand dad and other male's in my family.

As I start thinking about that, I realize that doing that would be relatively easy...

I have a good job, that attracts women like honey, (Music PR & And Talent Scouting.)

I'm moderately attractive (which is more than what you have to be these days.)

Sure I would have to hurt people, something i really don't want to do.

But maybe it's true, some people want to use you, and some of them want to be used by you.

I honestly don't know if i want to go that route though.

It's either stay honest and alone....

Or promiscuous, and still alone, but at least fucking random women....

Guess which one I'm leaning towards....

Why can't you do just that? Why continue to endanger your health, and also start treating women the way you wouldn't want to be treated?

Because I'm tired of it.

People need contact

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Reply #29 posted 04/21/11 9:15pm

WaterInYourBat
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HermesReborn said:

WaterInYourBath said:

Why can't you do just that? Why continue to endanger your health, and also start treating women the way you wouldn't want to be treated?

Because I'm tired of it.

People need contact

I thought you meant "alone" as in single/no romance, not you being 100% solitary (as in no family or platonic relationships).

"You put water into a cup, it becomes the cup...Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend." - Bruce Lee
"Water can nourish me, but water can also carry me. Water has magic laws." - JCVD
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