SCNDLS said:

I did not say that nor did you alude to that in your original post. You wanted to know "Why is it that gay men go out to clubs/bars with the expectation of getting easy, anonymous sex?"

The hetero's that wished for such a place for hetero's were single and just stating that they too wished that just sex was easier to achieve with females.

And I am not implying that it's wrong that most straight females have different standards than gay males, they were just observing. And maybe a bit jealous.

I am also not implying that the easy, anonymous gay sex is the answer to everything. I was just answering your question.

FauxReal said:

Yep, sometimes I even just wanna sit at the bar and drink a bottle or two of red wine and be left completely alone. Not in a depressed kind of way, just to be alone, think about things and enjoy my wine.

HamsterHuey said:

I'm not even that convinced that homosexual people are easier about "loveless", anonymous sex than heterosexual females. There's just a different kind of approaching it

Dave1992 said:

Sometimes I do something a bit like that but I sit and listen to the people around me. I'll go out with my wife but at a certain point I might just take 30 mins or even an hour off by myself somewhere comfy (and preferably at least partially outside - ugh! smoking habit) and listen to the people talking and see them coming and going.

Fauxie said:

Exactly. It gives me a sense of well-being to simply turn off the headlights for a couple of hours, get off the screen and watch the world around me.

HamsterHuey said:

Relax. I was just using the cheating as an example because that's the only time I hear "male hormones" used as a way to excuse behavior, which to me is ridiculous because most women I know have equally high sex drives and can get sex anytime they want if going to clubs/bars for anonymous sex was their thing. So to hear that the primary reason promiscuous sex is so prevalent in gay male culture is due to hormones seems silly to me. And believe me I'm not the least bit jealous.

FauxReal said:

It also can make someone look really desperate to hook up...especially if they are going thinking that they are going to have women hanging off their neck.

SCNDLS said:

The reason why many women don't seem to be as blunt and horny as males is simply because they were told that an intelligent women with style does not show that much at first encounter with a man.

As stupid as it may sound, I even agree a tiny bit, because women that are so overt about wanting to fuck me straight away (especially younger girls) are usually not that interesting. However, this has nothing to do with people who can talk about sex honestly and talk about what turns them on and what doesn't. This usually leads to hot, anonymous, spontanious sex anyway.

So... hormones? I don't think so.

JustErin said:

I never do. As I said, when I go by myself I usually want to be left alone anyway.


It also depends on the place you're going. There are places where turning up alone (and therefore looking "desperate" to hook up) is perfectly normal, because many people go there to do the same. There are places where nobody would think it looks desperate to show up alone, too. I prefer the latter.

Dave1992 said:

I can understand the impact of social mores on women. However, MOST of my single girlfriends have dealt with those issues and have NO problem letting a guy know they want some dick and taking that shit when the time comes. What I'm talking about is the general understanding among gays that you're in a club to find someone for the night. Most of my gay friends find someone to fuck every time they go out. That's "normal" to them, frightening and gross to me.

I've worked in clubs and have been going out with girls for almost 20 years. NEVER have any of my girls said, "I'ma find a guy to fuck tonight" and RARELY have any of us gone home with some dude we just met in a club. So, how did this behavior become so common and acceptable among gay males? And why is it still so common considering the diseases that are running rampant?

SCNDLS said:

Co-sign on almost everything you said, except for that I have been going out with girls for almost 20 years.

Dave1992 said:

I wanna be the barman.

Dave1992 said:

[Edited 2/19/10 7:31am]

as a gay male , I like to do both . Its fun to go with a group of friends and have a good time . Then again the few times i have gone by myself I have meet some cool people . Plus you can cater to your own schedule. "My friend wants to leave I have to go now , he drove "

Not a good idea for single hetro women though. I know its a double standard.

Yesss... I do. and I always end up running into people I know.
but I rather go by myself. I'm on my time. and i get to mix and mingle with who ever

Interesting.

I would never walk into a place alone but as soon as a goup of us get there I'm often gone doing my own thing and often don't even see them after we arrive.

I've also left a club/bar on my own many, many times, usually hammered and nothing bad happened. Guess I was just lucky or something.

JustErin said:

...

nyse said:

And always made it home safe! And in 5 inch heels! Sometimes in freezing rain!

I'm so awesome.

freezing rain in canada is no joke... impressive ...yesss
but u ARE lucky that u always get home safe. there are alot of
loonies out there... not a good habbit 2 get into....
justsayin justerin

thanks everyone

nyse said:

I don't spend much time hammered these days.

JustErin said:

I thought he was referring to these:

JustErin said:

Damn girl! You are awesome, lol.

SCNDLS said:

I agree with Herman, it's a male thing, not a gay thing. Plus with women there is slight fear factor when it comes to sex with anonymous partners that isn't there with men.

JustErin said:

In the history of my bar and club going days, I'd say I almost always left alone, unless someone was hosting an afterbar. Either because we all were leaving at different times or going our separate ways home.

And yeah, often after too much to drink and all through the winter.

paintedlady said:

It could end tragically. That happened twice in NYC not too long ago.

The music and fun used to be my main reason for going out and even if I didn't get some dick, I still had a good time. In the last 10 years, the only reason I go out is to try to get some dick and I wish I could shoot out the speakers at the clubs. In the last 5 years or so, I've found that it's more fun to stay at home, drink some drinks, play some good music, and have friends over that may bring another friend or lover that you can either seduce away from them in private for about 20 minutes or share with them.

That's because straight women and lesbians have either a husband, steady boyfriend, or gay lover. I've known very few gay men that have steady lovers and the few that have them, still go out and cheat on them. Most gay men I've known don't have lovers and when you're alone, you either have one night stands or do without dick. Men, whether straight or gay, aren't going to go without sex of any kind.

Plus, there are too many closet bisexuals in our lifestyle. These men see us as last resorts when they don't get lucky with a woman so they will never be lover material unless you're going to play the fool and be used either for money (yes, they think they're doing us a favor and that we owe them for it) or if you're willing to be a fool and let them believe their fantasy that they are "straight but just like to get their dick sucked". I find it much easier to just have the bastards for 20 minutes and send them back to their wives and girlfriends to put up with their bullshit. If a man didn't have that dick between his legs, I'd go straight because that dick is the only good thing that most men have.
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[Edited 2/19/10 10:44am]

vainandy said:

I will keep this in mind, Andy.

I've done it before when I've wanted to see some bands that were playing. I've had good and bad experiences. This one dude kept following me around one time and that creeped me the fuck out. I'd rather go with someone else