DISCIPLINING VERSUS BEATING THE SHIT OUTTA YOUR KID

Ok last thread I'm startign today. But uh...


I just remembered something I saw last night. I'm at the whole foods and this chick in the parking lot is just yelling at her crying child and then WHAP!!! She lays one across the kid's face and said kid turns beet red. Now the child is really crying loud and the mom is all looking around like she's either embarassed or feeling guilty. Being a multi-track minded person I start thinking of MJ and his dad/manager abusing him, I think of that vid someone posted a while back where some mom is dragging her leashed child out of a store and I think of how my parents never laid a hand on me. Then I think of pulp fiction but not sure why.

Of course this mom didn't really beat her kid IMO, maybe the slap was a little heavy cuz that kid went from white to native american but...I've seen other parents (usually moms) and ethnic moms at that, who go all bladerunner on their kids. I've only intervened twice in my life. Where does one draw the line between a spank, some scolding or mild discipline and abusing your child? Do you ever see parents losing control and step up and say something? So many kids end up in foster care b/c they come from abusive homes. Why are some parents so quick to hit anyway?

" LOVE YOU 4EVA GRANDMA LOLA, WATCH OVER US TILL WE MEET AGAIN. PRINCE: WH3N U L3T TH3 RAIN FALL DOWN, TH3Y ALL GONNA G3T W3T!

only the parent who does not want to discipline will be the one "beating" their kids.

Any parent who is accustomed to truly diciplining their child will:

-sit and talk and reason with them
-withold treats
-use punishment
- use praise and reward
-will occasionally spank with love


the people yoou are talking about are opting out and just smacking their kids around when it's convenient to do so.

If you have to do something kicking and screaming and tearing down others with your "self love" words- maybe you shouldn't be doing it in the first place.

Evvy said:

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

If you have to do something kicking and screaming and tearing down others with your "self love" words- maybe you shouldn't be doing it in the first place.

I have found (my kids are 14 and 12) that if you tap their asses at a young age, they won't repeat their actions and will grow up better behaved children.

My kids got a belt lashing when they stepped way out of line, but once it's done, then the threat of it being done (and they know you will do it) is usually enough to halt their devilish thoughts.

Funny how it's always the kids whose parents refuse to discipline in any physical way that act up the worst...My nephew is a perfect example. My sis refused to spank him and he ran all over her.

Evvy said:

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Please take care of my nephews. thanks

how old are they? do they need to be institutionalized?

Revolution said:

dothejump said:

If you have to do something kicking and screaming and tearing down others with your "self love" words- maybe you shouldn't be doing it in the first place.

See i think talking and reasoning and mild spanking is appropriate. If a parent finds themselves reaching for the belt at every instance of a child acting up then you have abuse. Sometimes kids are just kids...they are gonna make noise, run around, get irritated, be curious and so on. they don't need a woopin for that.

" LOVE YOU 4EVA GRANDMA LOLA, WATCH OVER US TILL WE MEET AGAIN. PRINCE: WH3N U L3T TH3 RAIN FALL DOWN, TH3Y ALL GONNA G3T W3T!

And honestly I dunno how ur supposed to discipline kids who are as big as you.

" LOVE YOU 4EVA GRANDMA LOLA, WATCH OVER US TILL WE MEET AGAIN. PRINCE: WH3N U L3T TH3 RAIN FALL DOWN, TH3Y ALL GONNA G3T W3T!

Studies show that hitting a child is always wrong. It teaches the child mixed signals about violence.

Wave your wildsigns high!!

yes I definately think that parents should spank their kids there's a fine line between disipline and abuse beating a child is abuse spanking a child not abuse I was spanked and I turned out fine I can't find not one school shooting before the 1980s or even the 80s but idk I just think parents should raise their kids right so that they would be good citizens in society

spare the rod spoil the child

may u live 2 see the dawn

a yo prince im really happy for you imma let you finish but Michael Jackson had one of the best records of all time!

aw hell....

well I got one of those smart ass kids that just begs for a hard ass slap some days! I also work with grown folk that could used a damn slap too. I gotta work on not wanting to slap the shit out of everybody.....

and I have done the reasoning, talking, time out, taking away toys, and spank 'til I am blue in goddamn face. To be honest, kid ain't really played with his toys from 3 years ago because he just stays in trouble. By trouble I mean, just this morning, he got up, used the toilet, stayed in the bathroom for 20 minutes, came out without brushing his teeth, tried to go and make his bed and continue on his day like not a damn thing was wrong, hid his meds in his pocket, sassed his grandma, fooled around when he was supposed to be getting ready, sassed his teacher and didn't do his work (for the fourth day in a row), and then tried to throw a tantrum before bed because he cut his ass this morning and all of a sudden it hurt (Jesus took the wheel on that one because I didn't touch his ass...and I told him for me to look at his ass wouldn't be in his best interest tonight if he wanted it to STOP hurting)

He has ADHD and I swear everyday is damn Groundhog Day to him because he acts like you have never told him what to do and how to behave. He's a very sweet little boy, but it's like he is just genetically hardwired to lie, steal, pick, and be a smartass (he really is LOL) But omigod, sooooo frustrating.

Anyway he is almost 9, so at this point I just felt so tired of the spanking I just told him flat out he does not have to watch TV, have a Wii, or any toys because he is old enough to understand his choices have consequences and I have explained enough already. I don't spank anymore because frankly it was hurting me to do it, physically and mentally, and I really was too angry and it did feel abusive.

I have to wake up early now and give him his meds so I know he will get it and watch him brush his teeth, so I told him "I think I will be too tired to take you trick or treating" and since he thinks I'm too stupid to check his homework and I've gotten several calls from his teacher about him not wanting to to do work in class like he is asked to, he's pretty much killed getting any type of expensive video games and all the stuff he claimed he wanted.

And I tell you what...it may be really harsh, but your kids need to learn in life that no matter what parents do, when you get grown, tantrums ain't gonna work and laziness is not going to be acceptable. Life is gonna spank your kids harder than any shit you could do if you don't find some way to teach them how to act like they got some home training early in life. I ain't trying to be known as the lady with the dumb kid who ran in front of a bus or burned up his home with his grandma inside or keeps going to jail because he's following other kids doing some dumb shit.

But of course you should try to do it without spanking first; it really should be a last resort. But to be honest y'all, when I used to tap dat ass, I swear that lil bugger used to get off on it I never met someone keep trying to provoke spankings the way he did. Shit sometimes I swear his lil ass would twitch in anticipation. It kinda bugged me how he really seemed to just like it a bit too much. meanwhile my damn blood pressure was going through the fucking roof

i got a lot of things when I was a bit younger....I don't know what to say...people beat their kids with anything...

peacenlovealways said:

Why does a parent need a belt or any other weapon to hit their child?? It's abuse. There is no need to use a weapon of any kind on a child or scream at them and call them names, put them down, etc.

There's a good book called 1-2-3 magic

Any parent who hits a child or screams at them is themselves out of control.

Just think the child learns to do the same behaviour when they grow up and have kids.

Edmonton, AB - - If you're happy and you know it your hands, if you're happy and you know it do a

BklynBabe said:

peacenlovealways said:

i got a lot of things when I was a bit younger....I don't know what to say...people beat their kids with anything...

well you knew you might have fucked up just a little when your momma picked a chair and started chsing your ass.....

at the very least you knew not to piss yo momma off if the closest thing to her was a chair!

BklynBabe said:

aw hell....

well I got one of those smart ass kids that just begs for a hard ass slap some days! I also work with grown folk that could used a damn slap too. I gotta work on not wanting to slap the shit out of everybody.....

and I have done the reasoning, talking, time out, taking away toys, and spank 'til I am blue in goddamn face. To be honest, kid ain't really played with his toys from 3 years ago because he just stays in trouble. By trouble I mean, just this morning, he got up, used the toilet, stayed in the bathroom for 20 minutes, came out without brushing his teeth, tried to go and make his bed and continue on his day like not a damn thing was wrong, hid his meds in his pocket, sassed his grandma, fooled around when he was supposed to be getting ready, sassed his teacher and didn't do his work (for the fourth day in a row), and then tried to throw a tantrum before bed because he cut his ass this morning and all of a sudden it hurt (Jesus took the wheel on that one because I didn't touch his ass...and I told him for me to look at his ass wouldn't be in his best interest tonight if he wanted it to STOP hurting)

He has ADHD and I swear everyday is damn Groundhog Day to him because he acts like you have never told him what to do and how to behave. He's a very sweet little boy, but it's like he is just genetically hardwired to lie, steal, pick, and be a smartass (he really is LOL) But omigod, sooooo frustrating.

Anyway he is almost 9, so at this point I just felt so tired of the spanking I just told him flat out he does not have to watch TV, have a Wii, or any toys because he is old enough to understand his choices have consequences and I have explained enough already. I don't spank anymore because frankly it was hurting me to do it, physically and mentally, and I really was too angry and it did feel abusive.

I have to wake up early now and give him his meds so I know he will get it and watch him brush his teeth, so I told him "I think I will be too tired to take you trick or treating" and since he thinks I'm too stupid to check his homework and I've gotten several calls from his teacher about him not wanting to to do work in class like he is asked to, he's pretty much killed getting any type of expensive video games and all the stuff he claimed he wanted.

And I tell you what...it may be really harsh, but your kids need to learn in life that no matter what parents do, when you get grown, tantrums ain't gonna work and laziness is not going to be acceptable. Life is gonna spank your kids harder than any shit you could do if you don't find some way to teach them how to act like they got some home training early in life. I ain't trying to be known as the lady with the dumb kid who ran in front of a bus or burned up his home with his grandma inside or keeps going to jail because he's following other kids doing some dumb shit.

But of course you should try to do it without spanking first; it really should be a last resort. But to be honest y'all, when I used to tap dat ass, I swear that lil bugger used to get off on it I never met someone keep trying to provoke spankings the way he did. Shit sometimes I swear his lil ass would twitch in anticipation. It kinda bugged me how he really seemed to just like it a bit too much. meanwhile my damn blood pressure was going through the fucking roof

Edmonton, AB - - If you're happy and you know it your hands, if you're happy and you know it do a

luv4u said:

BklynBabe said:

luv4u said:

An ADHD/ADD childs brain works differently.

he's on Focalin and sees a psychiatrist monthly. I know he's got issues. I also know ADHD cannot be an excuse for doing dumb shit in life! When all your male relatives have been in jail....it could be a problem!!

I can't be getting daily phone calls from his teacher and not have him think there are no repercussions....

and I do have 1-2-3 Magic LOL. trust, he knows if I gotta count....

but I don't spank anymore anyway.
[Edited 10/7/09 19:44pm]

Edmonton, AB - - If you're happy and you know it your hands, if you're happy and you know it do a

2freaky4church1 said:

Congrats, Desiree. This thread is destined to go flaming, with easily 5 or 6 pages before it fizzles out.

Of course most parents think their own mode of discipline is best... to the point of inevitable self-righteousness. But I think the problem with the way almost all of us discipline -- whether we use corporal punishment, a stern talking to or the taking away of the Wii -- is that it's not our discipline a kid needs to become acclimated to, but their own self-discipline. You won't always be around to give Johnny the "Benny Goodman Ray" when he farts at inopportune times, or to smack Sally on the rump when she runs into the street without looking both ways.

I haven't laid a hand on my kid for years -- as much because I'm just an old softy as the fact I hold any hard and fast principles against lucid, restrained spanking per se. For my own kid, I can think of any number of approaches before hitting to instill the fear of God, but I won't altogether rule out a single, open-hand tap on the butt if, say, she truly loses her mind one day and forgets who's the parent. Yet whatever penal measure I find appropriate for a given screw-up, one thing that's consistent is our talking 'til we're both blue in the face about why her choice of action stunk, why she ended up with a given consequence, whether she's cool with the consequence (and why, regardless, she's still gotta deal with it), what other choices she had, what consequence would likely have come of them, what she might better do next time, how she's getting big enough to start processing these things herself, yada yada yada....

She HATES those long-ass conversations! But I can guarantee one thing: Those exchanges linger in her mind more than any punishment... to the point she can hold them with herself -- and that's the goal, isn't it?!
[Edited 10/8/09 8:23am]

I have a really bad temper, so I have to be really careful not to touch my kid when I'm mad, to not even start, because it will only end badly. I'm pretty proud of myself for being able to deal with things in a non-physical way, diffusing situations and using praise/rewards to achieve modification in unacceptable behaviour. Except for my middle child, "the victim" nothing really works on him. We don't hit him, yet he raises his hands over his head and screams "NO DON'T HIT ME!!!!" He has a gold star/black mark chart and is working towards having the stars cancel out the marks. I've been wanting to use gogos crazybones as rewards but the master is handing them out willy nilly because he likes to be popular with the kids, so I fear they are losing their value

Lammastide said:

Physical discipline of any kind is barbaric bullshit IMO, whether it's enacted on an adult or a child.

That said, since some of you are so keen on it and it's still not illegal, have at 'er if you think it's useful.

BUT

I, for one, am sick and tired of hearing you pro-beating sorts gets all smug and superior when talking about parents who don't use physical discipline. I don't know where you've gotten the idea that kids who aren't smacked turn out en masse to be monsters, but you couldn't be further from correct on that matter.

You get all up in arms about someone questioning your "right" to use physical force as a punishment or learning tool or that method's effectiveness, but then look down your noses and cop snarky attitudes about those that don't. Some of you seem to think you're better parents, hell better people, than those that don't use physical punishment.

Revolution said:

ZombieKitten said:

Lammastide said:

Something interesting: While I've not heard this discussed in terms of "right" and "wrong" (because those are pretty subjective ethical terms), I have heard more and more authorities say recently that most forms of penalty have very limited disciplinary effectiveness... because suffering penalty isn't a goal of discipline.

you've reminded me of an article I read about torture

a terrorist wouldn't speak, no matter what they did to him

they found out he was diabetic, and offered him some sugar free cookies, the terrorist wept and started talking.

I think my middle kid is like that, he ONLY responds to kindness and calmness

I'm on the fence about spankings. Sometimes I think it's necessary.

meow85 said:

ZombieKitten said:

you've reminded me of an article I read about torture

a terrorist wouldn't speak, no matter what they did to him

they found out he was diabetic, and offered him some sugar free cookies, the terrorist wept and started talking.

I think my middle kid is like that, he ONLY responds to kindness and calmness

I'd be curious to read that article. Do you happen to have it floating around somewhere?

ZombieKitten said:

meow85 said:

I'd be curious to read that article. Do you happen to have it floating around somewhere?

I think it was in the Age Good Weekend? Will go search for it