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Is it okay to maintain friend relationships with our Ex's if you are in a committed relationship? I often struggle with this idea. Is it okay to have friendship relations with an ex girlfriend if you are married? What's your thoughts? How many orgers maintain close relationships with their EX's even though you are in a committed relationship now with another person? | |
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It really depends on all parties concerned.
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You owe me $5. I caught the big fish....again  | |
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And in other words, don't do anything you'd be afraid to tell your spouse you did. |
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You owe me $5. I caught the big fish....again | |
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PANDURITO said:  |
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I am in a comitted relationship and my ex-bf is my very best friend. But it is all pretty new, so I don't know if it will work in the long run. Martina, now orgs official resident fairy/pixie 
Your name...it means Warrior. So, you are the "warrior fairy!"  | |
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CarrieMpls said: And in other words, don't do anything you'd be afraid to tell your spouse you did.
Those are words to live by. How would you feel if your spouse was "friendly" with his/her ex? Trust me, no good can or will come out of that AT ALL. It is what the hell it is. | |
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CarrieMpls said: And in other words, don't do anything you'd be afraid to tell your spouse you did.
I tell my bf every time when I see my ex and also what we do. Martina, now orgs official resident fairy/pixie
Your name...it means Warrior. So, you are the "warrior fairy!" | |
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jaimestarr79 said: I often struggle with this idea. Is it okay to have friendship relations with an ex girlfriend if you are married? What's your thoughts? How many orgers maintain close relationships with their EX's even though you are in a committed relationship now with another person?
this is simple, no. If you are in a committed relationship then why is there a need to remain friends with an ex? Even if you and the ex are now cool again, I think it's unnecessary to have them as a friend. I mean your current partner with whom you are CURRENTLY COMMITTED to should be your best friend, the person who you can be open and honest with everything about, not your ex. If its a case of your ex being your best friend and not your committed partner, then something is seriously wrong. Besides, your ex is an EX for a reason...otherwise, ya'll would still be together. "Who gonna check me boo?" 
Boriqua1130 said: It's never too late, to be "Experienced"  | |
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missfee said: jaimestarr79 said: I often struggle with this idea. Is it okay to have friendship relations with an ex girlfriend if you are married? What's your thoughts? How many orgers maintain close relationships with their EX's even though you are in a committed relationship now with another person?
this is simple, no. If you are in a committed relationship then why is there a need to remain friends with an ex? Even if you and the ex are now cool again, I think it's unnecessary to have them as a friend. I mean your current partner with whom you are CURRENTLY COMMITTED to should be your best friend, the person who you can be open and honest with everything about, not your ex. If its a case of your ex being your best friend and not your committed partner, then something is seriously wrong. Besides, your ex is an EX for a reason...otherwise, ya'll would still be together. True. Bone made me stand up and get into the groove | |
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Friend relationships? Yes. We are stardust. We are golden.
Feb. 12th -28th: Two weeks of corporate and nationalistic dick-stroking in the guise of a sporting event. I can not wait. |
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kenlacam said: CarrieMpls said: And in other words, don't do anything you'd be afraid to tell your spouse you did.
Those are words to live by. How would you feel if your spouse was "friendly" with his/her ex? Trust me, no good can or will come out of that AT ALL. Sorry, but I'm calling bullshit on that idea. I'm not by any definition a trusting person, but IMO if you are assuming the worst with your partner's friend relationships, exes or otherwise, your relationship is not a healthy one and there are much bigger problems than who each of you associates with. We are stardust. We are golden.
Feb. 12th -28th: Two weeks of corporate and nationalistic dick-stroking in the guise of a sporting event. I can not wait. |
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CarrieMpls said: It really depends on all parties concerned.
The general rule of thumb is to not do anything that you wouldn't want your spouse to do, or you KNOW would make your spouse mad. If you don't know, talk to them about it, you'll find out pretty quick. And there it is ... simple communication |
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CarrieMpls said: And in other words, don't do anything you'd be afraid to tell your spouse you did.
 BINGO !! |
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meow85 said: kenlacam said: Those are words to live by. How would you feel if your spouse was "friendly" with his/her ex? Trust me, no good can or will come out of that AT ALL. Sorry, but I'm calling bullshit on that idea. I'm not by any definition a trusting person, but IMO if you are assuming the worst with your partner's friend relationships, exes or otherwise, your relationship is not a healthy one and there are much bigger problems than who each of you associates with. That's not bullshit, that's being realistic. That isn't a trust issue, that just an issue of respect. The way I see it is, if I'm well and happy and satifisfied with my boyfriend, why do I need to call my ex from time to time to see how he's doing? What's the point? When I see him out in the street, it's okay to speak and say how are you doing then, but why is there a need to remain friends with an ex if it is not necessary? [Edited 9/16/09 10:57am] "Who gonna check me boo?"
Boriqua1130 said: It's never too late, to be "Experienced" | |
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meow85 said: Friend relationships? Yes.
Personally, I don't think I'll ever understand the mindset that we can't be friends with our exes or with members of the opposite sex (those of us who are straight) if we're in a relationship. I intend to not invest thought into trying to understand that mind set |
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meow85 said: kenlacam said: Those are words to live by. How would you feel if your spouse was "friendly" with his/her ex? Trust me, no good can or will come out of that AT ALL. Sorry, but I'm calling bullshit on that idea. I'm not by any definition a trusting person, but IMO if you are assuming the worst with your partner's friend relationships, exes or otherwise, your relationship is not a healthy one and there are much bigger problems than who each of you associates with. I agree . [Edited 9/16/09 11:00am] |
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missfee said: meow85 said: Sorry, but I'm calling bullshit on that idea. I'm not by any definition a trusting person, but IMO if you are assuming the worst with your partner's friend relationships, exes or otherwise, your relationship is not a healthy one and there are much bigger problems than who each of you associates with. That's not bullshit, that's being realistic. That isn't a trust issue, that just an issue of respect. The way I see it is, if I'm well and happy and satifisfied with my boyfriend, why do I need to call my ex from time to time to see how he's doing? What's the point? When I see him out in the street, it's okay to speak and say how are you doing then, but why is there a need to remain friends with an ex if it is not necessary? [Edited 9/16/09 10:57am] Why NOT be friends if the split was amicable? Is there some rule you can't be? Many couples break up because they work better as friends than as lovers. If there's nothing untoward going on, then there's no reason for it to be seen as disrespect to the current partner. Assuming that maintaining a friend relationship with a former lover is disrespectful or shady in light of a current relationship is deeply telling of a lack of trust. The premise that being friends with an ex is asking for trouble is bullshit. We are stardust. We are golden.
Feb. 12th -28th: Two weeks of corporate and nationalistic dick-stroking in the guise of a sporting event. I can not wait. |
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missfee said: meow85 said: Sorry, but I'm calling bullshit on that idea. I'm not by any definition a trusting person, but IMO if you are assuming the worst with your partner's friend relationships, exes or otherwise, your relationship is not a healthy one and there are much bigger problems than who each of you associates with. That's not bullshit, that's being realistic. That isn't a trust issue, that just an issue of respect. The way I see it is, if I'm well and happy and satifisfied with my boyfriend, why do I need to call my ex from time to time to see how he's doing? What's the point? When I see him out in the street, it's okay to speak and say how are you doing then, but why is there a need to remain friends with an ex if it is not necessary? [Edited 9/16/09 10:57am] THANK YOU!!!!! You saved me from having to make a response to that person who doesn't see anything wrong with maintaining a "friendship" with an ex. There really is no need to stay in touch with an ex, unless that person needs a "back up" in case something goes wrong with their current relationship, and if that IS the case, maybe they shouldn't be in a relationship with the person that they are currently with...TRUTH! It is what the hell it is. | |
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kenlacam said: missfee said: That's not bullshit, that's being realistic. That isn't a trust issue, that just an issue of respect. The way I see it is, if I'm well and happy and satifisfied with my boyfriend, why do I need to call my ex from time to time to see how he's doing? What's the point? When I see him out in the street, it's okay to speak and say how are you doing then, but why is there a need to remain friends with an ex if it is not necessary? [Edited 9/16/09 10:57am] THANK YOU!!!!! You saved me from having to make a response to that person who doesn't see anything wrong with maintaining a "friendship" with an ex. There really is no need to stay in touch with an ex, unless that person needs a "back up" in case something goes wrong with their current relationship, and if that IS the case, maybe they shouldn't be in a relationship with the person that they are currently with...TRUTH! Are you talking about me .Martina, now orgs official resident fairy/pixie
Your name...it means Warrior. So, you are the "warrior fairy!" | |
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kenlacam said: missfee said: That's not bullshit, that's being realistic. That isn't a trust issue, that just an issue of respect. The way I see it is, if I'm well and happy and satifisfied with my boyfriend, why do I need to call my ex from time to time to see how he's doing? What's the point? When I see him out in the street, it's okay to speak and say how are you doing then, but why is there a need to remain friends with an ex if it is not necessary? [Edited 9/16/09 10:57am] THANK YOU!!!!! You saved me from having to make a response to that person who doesn't see anything wrong with maintaining a "friendship" with an ex. There really is no need to stay in touch with an ex, unless that person needs a "back up" in case something goes wrong with their current relationship, and if that IS the case, maybe they shouldn't be in a relationship with the person that they are currently with...TRUTH! I disagree. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being friends with an ex, which is what this thread is about. Obviously if there are lingering romantic or sexual feelings there is a problem and you shouldn't get too cozy with that person if you're in a new relationship. You seem to assume that a person cannot just be friends with someone they used to date or be married to, and that's just not true. "TRUTH!"? No. Jealousy and paranoia, more like. We are stardust. We are golden.
Feb. 12th -28th: Two weeks of corporate and nationalistic dick-stroking in the guise of a sporting event. I can not wait. |
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Mach said: This topic ( again ) - this thread the assumptions - the generalizations ...
My best friend's ( of over 25 yrs ) brother is my X - we dated and were engaged for 3+ yrs before I ment my recent partner of 24+ yrs I see the X about 3 times a yr at family events with my best friend - we have a great friendship and my husband sees zero issue with it because it's a zero issue between he and I My friendships with Xs are based on FRIENDSHIP
not a back up not a booty call not outta something missing in my marriage so so funny we humans and our perceptions are  We are stardust. We are golden.
Feb. 12th -28th: Two weeks of corporate and nationalistic dick-stroking in the guise of a sporting event. I can not wait. |
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Mach said: This topic ( again ) - this thread the assumptions - the generalizations ...
My best friend's ( of over 25 yrs ) brother is my X - we dated and were engaged for 3+ yrs before I ment my recent partner of 24+ yrs I see the X about 3 times a yr at family events with my best friend - we have a great friendship and my husband sees zero issue with it because it's a zero issue between he and I My friendships with Xs are based on FRIENDSHIP
not a back up not a booty call not outta something missing in my marriage so so funny we humans and our perceptions are Martina, now orgs official resident fairy/pixie
Your name...it means Warrior. So, you are the "warrior fairy!" | |
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I think there's a problem if your current SO has a problem with it.
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But really I don't think the issue is exes so much. The issue is trust. If you can't trust your partner with their ex, the same applies to any friendship with the opposite sex (or whatever sex they might be attracted to)
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NDRU said: But really I don't think the issue is exes so much. The issue is trust. If you can't trust your partner with their ex, the same applies to any friendship with the opposite sex (or whatever sex they might be attracted to)
Bottom line, either you trust your partner or you don't. [Edited 9/16/09 11:44am]  Martina, now orgs official resident fairy/pixie
Your name...it means Warrior. So, you are the "warrior fairy!" | |
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jaimestarr79 said: I often struggle with this idea. Is it okay to have friendship relations with an ex girlfriend if you are married? What's your thoughts? How many orgers maintain close relationships with their EX's even though you are in a committed relationship now with another person?
If you and your wife love AND trust each other, why is this even an issue? Tupac "Makaveli" Shakur (RIP 1971-1996) & Michael Jackson (RIP 1958-2009)
2 men that had their lives taken away the moment they were speaking out AND rebelling against the dark side of the music industry once too often. | |
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NDRU said: But really I don't think the issue is exes so much. The issue is trust. If you can't trust your partner with their ex, the same applies to any friendship with the opposite sex (or whatever sex they might be attracted to)
Bottom line, either you trust your partner or you don't. |
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