You strongly suspected that one half of the male couple living next door to you was getting his ass kicked by his lover?

You hear loud arguing, fighting, noises that sound like things are being broken, maybe you've noticed a face bruise on occasion. It's different if its a man and a woman right? She's not necessarily able to defend herself. There are places for her to go. Men are stronger than women so they should never physically abuse them. The cops are trained to handle this sort of thing anyway. But two dudes? Do you just mind your business and let them work it out? Men fight amongst themselves anyway. Don't they?

I'd treat it no different than if it was a hetero couple. Abuse is abuse, no matter who it is directed towards.

Let'em knock theirselves out.....I guarantee you things will get quiet then.

I would call the police straight out. I had to report an old neighbor when I heard him beating his little babies. I would do this for the sake of the abused person.

These are lovers and not just rommates right?

JustErin said:

I second this.

JustErin said:

Most definitely.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

nope they live together and are lovers.
[Edited 5/20/09 13:35pm]

DesireeNevermind said:

Not lovers? Why the hell are they fighting like this on a regular basis? I'd still call the cops if they are just roommates.

If they are lovers, cops. My old neighbor used to hear the fighting coming from our own apartment and when we broke up and I moved back in bymyself the old lady said she was sorry for what was happening to me. she was scared to do anything.

CALL THE FUCKING COPS FOR GOD'S SAKE.

yeah call the cops if you can hear it heating up to the point of things getting broke or someone getting thrown around. Police can be jerks when it comes to male and male relationship abuse, so I don't know how they'd handle that BUT it could give the guy an opening to do something about it and ask for help or seek it from a same-sex specific abuse center so he can get the support he needs to pack his things and leave. Aurguments are one thing but a full out fist fight?
[Edited 5/20/09 13:57pm]

JustErin said:

Absolutely.

I called the cops more than once on the gay couple that lived across from me several years ago. The one man was horribly abusive. I would hear all sorts of awful things.

many times in hetero couples the woman will go back. wouldn't this guy just go back also?

DesireeNevermind said:

What difference does that make? It still doesn't make me hesitate one second when a situation is actually happening.

DesireeNevermind said:

Is that for you to really worry about? Yeah, he probably will go back, at least once. But if his partner is beating the shit out of him, the cops need to come and arrest his ass. Period.

the general consensus on the block is to mind one's own business. yeah its fucked up I agree but people seem to think, and they know better than I regarding this couple, that dude is just going to go back as if nothing happened. What's odd to me is that its his place!! I would so kick somebody out if they were mistreating or disrespecting me.

DesireeNevermind said:

But why do you care that the general consensus is that he will just go back? It could turn out that the abuser has a record and will end up sentenced to prison if you step in and do the right thing.

Contact the domestic violence unit of your police force.

Everytime you hear this shit going on call 9-1-1

Abuse is NOT love, it's HATE

I agree with the others. U need to call the cops.

What if the alleged abuser seriously injures or kills the other? Then people on your block will be on the news talking about how they KNEW something was wrong with those two...
Yeah, but... why didn't anyone do anything accept take informal polls about how long they'll last?

If he goes back, it's HIS ASS (literally and figuratively). But U can sleep at night. U obviously care, or U wouldn't have thought enough to bring it up here.

DesireeNevermind said:

The behavior is an indication of sickness or fear. Just because your kid kept wanting to go into the street, would you just let them?

FunkMistress said:

Three reasons:

#1 I wasn't there when this most recent incident happened. Neighbors told me what went down while I was gone.

#2 He's repeatedly gone back before. I was told that the cops were called twice before. Why he didn't stay locked up I couldn't tell ya.


#3 I have little sympathy for people who repeatedly go back to abuse despite others continuous efforts to help. You can only intervene so much where grown folk are concerned.


.

Another thing is I don't want to judge either of them really. I think there is something else going on between them that is far beyond these bouts of fighting/arguing. I can't put my finger on it just yet. co-dependency maybe. I don't know.

DesireeNevermind said:

So one person beating on another and one person getting beat is worthy of equal judgement?

It would feel weird reporting it but like some of the previous replies...Abuse is abuse no matter who is doing it to who. I guess you would have to imagine if you did nothing about it and then something terrible happened to one or both of them you probably would have a guilt trip.IMO

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

In a way yes. I judge them as equally unhealthy.

Honestly, I would never have known they had these serious bouts of violence if my neighbors hadn't told me. I've heard them argue but not to the degree where it would worry me. That's why I wonder if its best to leave it alone and wait till I see something with my own eyes.
Now I did see the bruise on the jaw and arm, but I also know he kickboxes and I've seen worse on folks who engage in that sort of sport.

DesireeNevermind said:

maybe he likes it.

irrisistableB said:

Ive imagined that but I've also imagined butting in against others advice and something worse still happening. When is a fight just a nasty fight versus someone truly being abused?

JerseyKRS said:

as mental as that sounds, there are couples who function like that.