I don't know about any of you, but I hate when people lie to me! I just found out a very close friend of mine has been lying to me the whole time I have known him. I guess he felt that it would never get back to me! Well he was wrong! I am just so mad I could explode!!!! What makes this matter worse is that we are suppose to go out tonight, and I am worried I won't be able to be in the same room with him! Let alone have a few drinks and keep what I know to myself!

How does one handle this kind of situation?

What was he lying about? Is the topic why you are upset or just any lie?

Mars23 said:

He was lying about his life. Everything he has every told me, a LIE! From to who is was and not dating, down to stupid things like going out of town. Why lie about things like that? It's not like I care who he is dating, or when he went out of town! I just don't understand why people lie!!!! It's just not the topic of his lie, I can't stand people who lie PERIOD! How can one build a friendship, let alone a relationship? Grrrr! I could just scream!!!!!

I guess you need to evaluate why you are friends. If the relationship is built upon those lies, then you really don't have one. If there are other factors, maybe you can forgive him eventually. Maybe his life is so shit he felt lying was the only way to hide his shame from someone he really likes. That does not make it right, just offering possibilities.

Mars23 said:

Good advice...thank you! Now I just need to find away to deal with all of this and still go out with him this evening. I am not ready to let him know I know. Because if I do, I might regret what I will say.

I would talk to said friend alone in a calm fashion and listen carefully to their responding words

Then I would take a few days to go through all the possible emotions that may come up

Then I would make a choice on what my intentions for the friendships next step would be

Then I would take action on my intention

best wishes

Mach said:

More wonderful advice! I knew my fellow orgers could help me with this.

Oh dear. There are a few people in life I have come across called Compulsive Liars. They lie about everything. Stupid stuff, little things. I don't know why, maybe it feels as though they feel they live better lives through lying about it. ANd what is absolutly NUTS is that the lies don't really make anything better than they have it. Normally the lies are about normal everyday stuff, so you never catch on.

I had a friend a long time ago be this way. I don't think we ever confronted her about it. Not sure if that would help because you are basically telling them their whole life is a lie. But it is obviously troubling you and perhaps you should say something. I doubt that the person will own up to it and stop lying in the future. Moreso, you will not be able to trust this person like you did and will always wonder what is a lie and what is the truth.

superspaceboy said:

Well, I did confront this person on Friday evening, tried not to, but a few drinks in me, and I started in. Well, he owned up to everything, and I must say the crap I found out, was so upsetting, it made me sick to my stomach!!!! He claims he has fixed his lie, removed the thorn, and our friendship can continue on. But you are right, I feel I can never trust a word he says, or can I forget all the lies that have happened in the last year. Learning all this was truly heart breaking to me! So I am still on the fence of deciding to keep this man in my life, or let him go to hurt someone else! Either way, I get a feeling tears will be shed!

MoniGram said:

I'm so sorry.

Firsthand experience: it'd be a miracle if he ever changed. Trust me.

I'm going through something similar right now with this stupid guy I was dealing with. He lied to me about some pretty crucial stuff and he had been lying to me for quite some time.

I decided to step back from him but I'm still so mad and when I don't feel mad, I feel stupid for believing him in the first place. I figure there's no reason to confront him because he'll just tell more lies.

My advice: stay away from this person. You don't need the headache or the negativity in your life. If he's someone who you have to deal with on a regular basis, keep your emotional distance while still being polite and friendly.

what happens to people to make them act this way?

INSATIABLE said:

Thank you

JasmineFire said:

I am not sure what happens to people to make them act this way. Wow, I wish I knew. Because of his actions, I feel like I have IDIOT written on my forehead! This whole weekend I have been looking back on the last year, and just crying. I have been putting pieces together, and I must say the more pieces that fall into place the more my heart breaks! I just don't know what to do. Trust him or not!

MoniGram said:

Don't trust him because he's not trustworthy.

I know it's easier said then done but think about it...if he's been lying to you for a year then he's going to keep on doing it. There are people out there who don't act like this. Invest time and love in them.

But it is tough, especially when you have feelings wrapped up in this person.

My problem is that i just get so mad that i want to say and do thind that will only backfire on me in the long run. So I've been keeping my mouth shut. He doesn't know I know he's been lying to me and that I know ALL KINDS of stuff now.

Oh well, life goes on.

Good luck with the healing.