ok here's mine

these 3 men are sitting at the bar in a restaurant talking when one of the men says "ya know guys i've been told i have one of the biggest penis's around" and the other 2 guys go yea right let's see so the man wips out his penis and lays it on the bar and says "look at this!" the 2nd man looks at it and says "thats nothing! take a look at my penis!" and he lays his penis on the bar...the 3rd man says "man i got both of you guys beat! and he lays his penis on the bar next to the other penis's and says "see mine is the biggest!"

Meanwhile ASIANBOI walks into the Restaurant and a waiter asks "would you like a table sir?" and ASIANBOI goes no but I'LL HAVE THE BUFFET!!

make me

I have to go to a meeting, dont post any jokes till I get back.

quick, everyone post jokes.

Right - here's one.


So there's this young lady called Lleena, an Irishman and a Scotsman, and...

no, wait.

Guy goes to the doctor and says,

"Doctor, i've come out in a terrible rash. It looks like someone's thrown strawberry jam all over my face."


Doctor says, "that's analogy."

what did one tampon say to the other tampon?


Nothing. They where both stuck up cunts.

So there's a guy from the West Midlands, a guy from the East Midlands, and a Pig, all hopeful fathers-to-be standing outside the Maternity Ward.



A doctor comes running out and says, "congratulations!! You are now all proud fathers!! Trouble is, i'm afraid we've mixed the little ones up."

The guy from the East Midlands marches straight into the Ward and picks up the little piglet.

"Oi! What are you doing?" asks Daddy Pig, "that is OBVIOUSLY my kid."

"I know," replied the guy from the East Midlands, "but i'm fucked if i'm risking ending up with the West Midlands kid."

What did McMeekle's wife's left leg, say to her right leg?





























Nothing - they've never met.

TheFrog said:

And did you think of that all on your lickle own?

Vet given the sack writes revenge book: "All creatures grunt and smell".

RocknRollisalive said:

Something tells me you don't mean that clap.

And no, i didn't think of it m'self.

Cos i'm thick.

TheFrog said:

Actually, I meant the clap... Credit where credit's due I guess

Whats brown and sticky?

PREDOMINANT said:

What's pink and fluffly?

RocknRollDave said:

What's red and invisible ?
[Edited 4/8/05 5:21am]

what's green and annoying?

How do you make a cat go WOOF?














Pour petrol over it and throw it in the fire!

REDFEATHERS said:

That's one of my faves too I HATE cats ..pass me that petrol....

How do you make a dog do metalwork ?

Give him a kick in the bollocks and he'll make a bolt for the door.

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it in the oven until it's Bill Withers.

(my favourite joke)

JDINTERACTIVE said:

I am feeling a strong sense of Deja Vu here.....

"What's [insert skin tone here], wrinkly, and hangs out your trousers?"



























"Your mother."

RocknRollDave said:

Yeah. Anyway...

What's the worst thing about rollerblading? Telling your parents you're gay.

How do you make a cat drink






































put it in the blender

poor




I can't type edit
[Edited 4/8/05 6:57am]

whats a fly without wings










a walk

What did the zero say to the eight? - "Nice belt"

so Lleena and a priest walk into a bar, and there's a 12-inch pianist playing on the bar.

And then...

oh wait. how does it go again?

Harry Windsor was caught defiling a statue in Trafalga Square. The headline read...






















Prince rogers Nelson

Taureau said:

a prince-related joke!!

that's pretty good.

For a Taurean.